


The Red Room

by BrandNewWings



Category: Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man - All Media Types, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Bionicles, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Is a Good Bro, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Bucky Barnes Remembers, Bucky Barnes's Metal Arm, Gen, Gore, Heavy Angst, Hurt Peter Parker, Hurt/Comfort, I suck at taggig, I'm so sorry, Kidnapping, Natasha Romanov Is a Good Bro, Not the same red room though, Peter Needs a Hug, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Peter is going to hurt, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Precious Peter Parker, Protective Avengers, Protective Bucky Barnes, Protective Steve Rogers, Protective Tony Stark, Red Room, Spider bros, The team love their spider, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Torture, characters may be ooc, i'll add tags as i go, like a lot, super family
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-03
Updated: 2019-05-22
Packaged: 2019-06-04 20:27:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 13
Words: 42,536
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15155003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BrandNewWings/pseuds/BrandNewWings
Summary: “There’s a reason why it’s called a “Red Room”, Mr. Parker. Each person starts off in a white room like this one. No blemish to be seen. By the time it’s all over, not a speck of white will be left. It’ll be a red…room. Each room is a blank canvas for the viewers to pain on. They are the true artists here. I am simply the brush.”Or; The Red Room is supposed to be some urban legend on the internet. It’s where the darkest and most unthinkable things happen. It’s a place you never want to find yourself, and Peter does just that. Bucky and the rest of the Avengers rush to find their little spider before it’s too late.





	1. Mr. Sandman

**Author's Note:**

> As a heads up, I'm sorry for the future pain. <3
> 
> Follow me on Tumblr: @BrandNewWings

“Peter, this is hardly fair.” Bucky comments from his pile of lego bricks.

“The deal was that if you can successfully build a lego death star by yourself, you can help me assemble my Bionicles.” Peter reminds the old soldier without taking his eyes off of his work. He’s humming to the music playing. “If you don’t have the patience for that, then you certainly don’t have the patience for these babies.”

“But the process is so repetitive. I’m pretty sure I was day dreaming through half of this. It’s like that Minecraft game or whatever.” Bucky rolls his eyes and sits back against the couch.

“We don’t disrespect Minecraft in this christian household.” Peter eyes Bucky.

“None of us are even-you know what, fine. Have your fun. I’ll just watch you.” Bucky pinches the bridge of his nose with a sigh.

The two super humans are currently residing on the common floor. Everyone else is on their respected floors or elsewhere. It’s been a year since the civil war and Peter is now fifteen. The tension within the group is still there but it’s dwindled throughout the time.

Since the rogue avengers’ return, Peter has gotten to know everyone pretty well and vice versa. Natasha likes to spar with the teen, Steve enjoys using Peter as his art models, Sam talks with Peter about anything and everything, Clint tries to get the spiderling to pulls pranks with him, Wanda and Peter are like siblings, and Bucky…well Bucky has practically adopted the young teen. He’s taken Peter under his wing and is like Peter’s shadow. Wherever Peter goes, Bucky is always there with him.

The kid reminds Bucky so much of Steve when the blond was young. He’s always a magnet for getting into trouble and is too stupid to back down from a fight. That being said, that’s not the main reason why Bucky is fond of the kid. Peter is a lovable teen. He was the first (aside from Stevie) to truly accept Bucky for who he is. When Peter looks at the soldier, there’s no pity or fear, just wonder and awe. The teen kept popping up and asking him questions about whatever came to his mind. Instead of being wary of his metal arm, the little shit finds things to mildly inconvenience Bucky. For example, two months ago, Peter kept sticking magnets on Bucky. Not the bulgy kind, but the thin ones that are hard to peel off. Peter comes to Bucky to open jars and bottles that refuse to twist up. When it’s a hot day, Peter plops down and hugs Bucky’s arm to cherish the coolness of the metal. The worst part is that Bucky just lets him do it. There’s no hostility. No resistance. Just…”yep”.

Bucky served his country, was tortured and programmed by Hydra, and sparked a war amongst the avengers, just to be used as some kid’s bottle opener. Yeah, he’s truly living that American dream.

The soldier watches Peter fondly as the teen clicks parts into place. He uses a small ball at the figure’s knee to help it bend and move around. The pieces to their projects are scattered all across the floor. No doubt, someone will be stepping on legos tomorrow.

Bucky reaches out and plays with Pete’s hair and hums a tune. He can feel Peter’s body relax and lean into Bucky’s affections. The spiderling’s concentration is glazed over and his fingers’ movements slow down and become lazy. One of Peter’s weaknesses is having his hair played with. It helps calm him down when he’s woken up from a nightmare or having a panic attack. Bucky enjoys carding his fingers through the teen’s hair. It’s reassuring to him that the kid is in fact there. That none of this is a dream.

“I think we should go out and get some food.” Bucky suggests, sitting up. Peter grunts when Bucky removes his hand from his brown hair.

“Why not just order in?” Peter asks, pushing in a thin, black stick to lock in pieces. “It’d be easier.”

“Yeah, but you’ve been inside all day. You need the fresh air.”

“Are you calling me lazy?” Peter challenges.

“Yes.” Bucky answers without missing a beat.

“So Spider-Man isn’t allowed to have a day off now?” Peter says.

“Your words, not mine. Come on. We’ll even go to that new pizza place you’ve been dying to try out.” Bucky coaxes. He knows what makes his kid tick.

“…Fiiine.” Peter groans and begins picking up his pieces. It’s apparent that Peter won’t be finishing his Bionicle tonight. “FRIDAY, pause the music.”

“Very well, sir.” FRIDAY chirps and pauses said music.

“Why do you listen to _The Chordettes_? _When_ did you start listening to them?” Bucky’s eyebrows raise high. Pete shrugs.

“I like what I like, Mr. Barnes.” Peter only calls Bucky that to annoy him. “And who are you to judge? Weren’t they a huge thing back in your day?”

“Back in my… Peter, how old do you think I am, exactly?”

“Super old. You’re like ancient!” Peter giggles at Bucky’s distraught face.

“You little punk.” Bucky pulls Peter into a headlock. “Those are fighting words. Besides, just because they were popular when I was young, doesn’t mean I liked them.”

“Yeah yeah. Now let me go! You’re cramping my style.”

“What style?” Bucky snorts and lets Peter go.

The two put on their shoes and check to make sure they have everything. The teen has FRIDAY notify Tony that he and Bucky were going out. Peter slips on a White Wolf hoodie and Bucky slips on a Spider-Man one. They’re both dorks.

“You have nice taste in fashion.” Bucky smirks as they enter the elevator.

“Thanks. Yours is embarrassing.” Peter nods.

“Hey! I have incredible taste!” Bucky defends himself. “You don’t know Spider-Man like I do! He’s the greatest hero of all time. Maybe even better than Captain America. He makes this fierce battle call when going into battle. It sounds something like…YEET!” Bucky makes a web-shooting gesture. “He’s so cool.”

“Stop. Stop it. No. You are making me cringe.” Peter’s face is bright red. At some point during Bucky’s rambling, Peter flipped his hood up to hide his embarrassment. There are small wolf ears attached to the hood.

“You’re still such a kid.” Bucky chuckles and tousles Pete’s hair through the hood.

The elevator dings and the two step out. They leave the building, jabbing at each other in a play fight. The streets aren’t as busy as they thought they’d be. It’s a Friday night after all. New York should be bustling.

“Maybe there’s a storm coming or something?” Peter suggests.

“Perhaps.” Bucky has a bad feeling. Something’s telling him to run and take Peter with him. “Kid, is your spidey sense going off?”

“No. Why?” Peter looks up at the man.

“Just wondering. Come on. Let’s go before the place closes.” Bucky ushers the teen along at a somewhat hurried pace. That fight or flight feeling won’t go away. It’s probably nothing, but Bucky’s learned to listen to his instincts. It’s how he’s survived for this long.

When Peter suddenly tenses up, it’s too late.

Bucky barely manages to block an attack with his metal arm. The soldier grits his teeth and kicks the masked man in the stomach. The attacker grunts and flies back into a street light. Several things are tossed on the ground. There are more people here than just the one. The objects roll while emitting some kind of gas. It’s dense and the soldier can barely see through it. Bucky is quick to cover his mouth and nose, but Peter isn’t as quick on the uptake. He’s too busy webbing up one of the men. His senses must be on high alert to notice another danger approaching. Whatever the gas is, Peter’s metabolism is no match for it. The spider sways on his feet towards Bucky.

“Peter!” Bucky reaches out for the teen, desperately wanting to tuck him away into safety. This is bad. Bucky’s air is extremely limited. The soldier grabs his stark phone and hits a button. The phone beeps with a flashing red light. Tony has been notified of their danger and knows their location. If Bucky can drag this battle on, help will arrive.

“Bucky…” Peter collapses and Bucky manages to catch him in time.

“Peter, don’t you fall asleep on me bud. I need you to stay with me.” Bucky curses when there’s no response from the teen. “Shit!”

Bucky slings Peter over his shoulder and rushes to get out of the cloud of sedative gas. If Bucky collapses, there’s no telling what will happen to them. The white wolf doesn’t even know who these people are and why they’re attacking. They aren’t operating like Hydra. They aren’t SHIELD. No, these people are new and managed to get the drop on them. Bucky bites his lip in frustration. A droplet of blood falls. He was too relaxed with the kid around. He should’ve listened to his instincts.

Bucky fends off the group of mask-wearing men. All the while, the soldier is holding his breath, careful not to inhale the gas. His lungs are screaming at him to breathe. His vision is getting a bit hazy and dark. Bucky needs to end this quickly and get away.

A man runs up, holding a gun.

 _‘I’ve got you, Peter. I’ve got you.’_ Bucky chants in his head as he blocks a round of bullets with his arm. _‘I’ve got you._ ’

His movements are becoming slow and uncoordinated. Bucky takes a harsh blow to the back of his head. And then another one. And another one. The white wolf falls forward, throwing Peter ahead of him. The teen doesn’t make a sound of pain, too out of it from the gas. Bucky struggles to get up into a crawling position. He needs to get to Peter. That’s his number one priority. Footsteps walk and stomp down onto Bucky’s back. Bucky takes in a deep breath, unable to resist the temptation of breathing anymore.

Bucky can’t feel his body anymore. His mind is scattered from the repeated blows. He can feel a wetness oozing down the side of his face. In his blurring vision, a pair of boots stomp behind Peter’s form and stop. A hand grabs Peter’s hood and pulls him up. A dirty sack is placed on the teen’s head and tied a little too tightly. Bucky growls and fights the dark spots appearing in his sight. His kid is in danger!

“Don’t you put your hands on him,” Bucky growls a warning. “Or I’ll kill you!”

“I don’t believe you’re in any position to be making demands, Soldier.” A voice taunts. “We’ll be taking this boy off your hands.”

“Peter!” Bucky calls out. He reaches a hands towards his kid. “Kid, wake up! Dammit!”

“Yeesh, he really is a yappy little wolf, isn’t he? Muzzle him.” The voice orders.

Another hard strike to the back of Bucky’s head sends the white wolf into the abyss.

“Peter…”


	2. Lay Down Your Arms

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The stage is set, and Peter is in Hell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the support! <3
> 
> [ A huge warning from here on out for extreme violence and gore. ]

**Previously**

_Bucky can’t feel his body anymore. His mind is scattered from the repeated blows. He can feel a wetness oozing down the side of his face. In his blurring vision, a pair of boots stomp behind Peter’s form and stop. A hand grabs Peter’s hood and pulls him up. A dirty sack is placed on the teen’s head and tied a little too tightly. Bucky growls and fights the dark spots appearing in his sight. His kid is in danger!_

_“Don’t you put your hands on him,” Bucky growls a warning. “Or I’ll kill you!”_

_“I don’t believe you’re in any position to be making demands, Soldier.” A voice taunts. “We’ll be taking this boy off your hands.”_

_“Peter!” Bucky calls out. He reaches a hands towards his kid. “Kid, wake up! Dammit!”_

_“Yeesh, he really is a yappy little wolf, isn’t he? Muzzle him.” The voice orders._

_Another hard strike to the back of Bucky’s head sends the white wolf into the abyss._

_“Peter…”_

///

Two weeks. It’s been two weeks since Peter’s kidnapping. The team found Bucky unconscious on the ground with blood draining from his head. There was no sign of Peter or where he could’ve been taken. The Avengers kept running into dead ends, and the leads have been dwindling down to false alerts. The trail is showing signs of running cold. No matter how many security feeds Tony hacks into, nothing is there. No matter who Natasha and Clint spy and follow, there’s no trace of the teen. Broadcasts of Peter are splayed all over the country. He’s on every television, every billboard, radio station, and newspaper.

Of course, they told May what happened. She nearly fainted. They promised to notify her of any changes. SHIELD deploys agents to watch over her in case the same people who took Peter go for May too.

The dinners are spent quiet. The team push around the contents on their plate, no appetite to be had. A few try to spark a conversation, but they shut up when the rest of the team give them solemn looks. They always knew that the kid had a special place I their hearts, but they never would’ve imagined that it’d be this bad. Each member deals with their grief in different ways. Steve works himself harder in the gym. Tony locks himself up in his lab, if not tinkering with a gadget, then he’s looking through security footage for the millionth time in hopes of seeing his spiderling. No one comments on how the collection of alcohol is shrinking. Sam cleans Peter’s room and leaves behind different types of lego sets.  Bucky, though… Bucky locks himself in his room and refuses to come out for anyone. He sits in his dark bedroom, staring at the wall with glazed eyes. He doesn’t sleep. He doesn’t eat. Bucky blames himself. Despite everyone’s protests and reassurances, Bucky knows that it’s his fault. If he had just listened to his instincts, if he took Peter up on his suggestion of just ordering take out, if Bucky was stronger, then none of this would be happening. Peter would be here, harassing him about how “old” Bucky is with that big, goofy grin of his.

_“Hey, Bucky! Watch this cool move Natasha taught me!” Peter’s voice echoes. Eager, big, brown eyes look up at Bucky. Bucky says something and Peter laughs. That laugh is so distant and echoey. Bucky yearns to hear it again. “Love you, Bucky!”_

_“Love you too, kid.”_

The scene fades away for Bucky and he’s left once again with an empty dark room.

The White Wolf thumps his head back against the wall at a slow, steady pace. His arms are resting on his knees. In his flesh hand, the Bionicle figure Peter was working on is clutched tightly. There’s more thumping from Bucky’s head.

“Mr. Sandman…bring me a dream…” Bucky sings weakly. A few tears rim the soldier’s eyes before falling. His voice is so broken from the lack of use. He sniffles when taking a breath in. “Make him the cutest…that I’ve ever seen.”

Bucky cradles the toy to his chest. He knows he needs to be strong for Peter. He needs to go out there and search with the others. And to be fair, he has been, but the last few days have been too much for the man. The panic attacks, the nightmares, the intrusive thoughts, and the guilt. Bucky shut down and feels even worse because of this display of weakness. The next time he sees his kid, he’s never going to let him go. He’s going to tell him it’s okay and that they can listen to _The Chordettes_ as much as he wants. Bucky is going to murder the bastards that put their hands on his kid.

A knock on the door jolts Bucky out of his thoughts.

“Go away.” Bucky orders, wanting to slip back into his self-pitying thoughts.

“Buck, we’ve got a lead.” Steve says from the other side of the door. The ex-assassin snaps his head up to look at the door. He refuses to let his hopes up. This has happened before.

“Is it real this time? Bucky asks.

“We have reason to believe it is.” Steve confirms. “We need to meet up on the common floor.”

Bucky is at the door in seconds and slings it open. Steve reads the questions on Bucky’s face and speaks before the soldier can.

“It’ll all be explained when everyone assembles.” Bucky nods, and the two walk to the elevator and head down.

Bucky’s heart is racing from excitement and nerves. They have a lead. After weeks of misses, they finally have a lead. The elevator dings and the doors open. Everyone is already there.

“Well look who it is. The wolf finally leaves his den.” Clint taunts. He’s leaning against the couch arm, arms folded across his chest.

“You had us really worried there, Bucky.” Sam furrows his brows. “You need to take care of yourself, man. We need you in mint condition.”

“Yeah… I know.” Bucky looks away, too ashamed to look them in the eye. He feels Steve rest a hand on his shoulder.

The two soldiers walk further into the room. The first thing Bucky notices is how everyone is huddled on the couch and chairs. A few of the members are missing, out on missions of their own, but the majority are here. Tony walks to the front of the groups once everyone’s settled. The large television behind him turns on.

“We got a lead, a tip about Peter’s whereabouts, but I don’t believe it’s from someone on our side.” Tony gets straight to the point.

“What’s the tip?” Natasha asks. Her face is as stoic as ever, but there’s a hint of worry there. “Did they make any demands for an exchange?”

“FRIDAY received a message from an untraceable source half an hour ago. I tried like everything to track it, but it wasn’t possible.”

“What did the message say?” Bruce asks.

“It’s not what it said, but what was sent.” Tony answers.

“I don’t follow.” Clint frowns. “Was it a picture or…”

“It was a link. At first, I thought it was some spammer, but before I could delete it, the sender followed up their message with ‘ _The only way you’ll ever see him again is through this.’_ I haven’t seen what the link shows yet.”

“Why would you wait!?” Bucky growls, clenching his fists. “We could’ve gotten him by now.”

“I wasn’t sure what I’d see.” Tony admits.

“Well bring it up now!”

“Buck, calm down.” Steve tries to lessen the hostility.

“No, he’s right. I should’ve just went to the link immediately, but my gut was telling me to wait. I tend to listen to it.” Tony stares Bucky down. The soldier flinches at the low blow.

“Can you two just shut up and go to the link? Peter’s in danger the longer we wait.” Natasha snaps.

The two men stop glaring at each other and nod.

“FRIDAY, go to the link.” Tony orders his AI.

“Of course, sir.” FRIDAY’s voice had a hint of wariness to it.

The television screen becomes bright white before it becomes static and looks like it’s malfunctioning. Did the link give the system a virus? Was it another hoax after all? Then, the screen become black and slowly eases into a dark maroon. A large outline of a box loads in the center of the screen. There are numbers under the box’s right. Over seventeen thousand people are watching whatever is loading on the screen. Comments are pinging in too fast for anyone to read. Nothing else is loading on the website. It’s just this unloaded video, comment bar, and a button to pay. The website shakes and has this incredibly uncomfortable vibe from it. Every Avenger was listening to their instincts this time around.

Nothing good is going to come from this.

“I don’t have a good feeling about this…” Clint says what everyone else is thinking. Their eyes stay glued on the empty box, dreading what will load.

“You think this is a prank, and we got sent a link to some camgirl?” Sam suggests. The falcon’s question goes unanswered.

A video finally loads inside the box. Bucky’s heart stops.

There, sitting in a chair, bound and beaten to hell, is Peter. His breathing is laborious and shallow. The teen is in a white room. There are carts with various tools on it.  There’s a tub, table, and other pieces of furniture and appliances scattered around the room. He’s alone…for now. Their spider has cuts and bruises littering his body. His hair is tangled and matted with blood. Fingers and knees are jutting in unnatural positions. His clothing is torn and also caked in blood. Peter’s barefoot, ankles held to the chair legs by vibranium no doubt. His wrists are bound to the chair’s arms in the same way. Peter’s head is hanging forward, chin against chest. The poor boy is screaming exhaustion and agony.

“Peter…” Steve whispers in shock.

“What have they done to you, kid?” Tony takes a few steps towards the screen. He squints his eyes. Peter’s lips are moving. Just enough for Tony to notice. It’s then that there’s the sound of soft mumbling mixing in with Peter’s breathing. “What’s he saying?”

Everyone strains their ears to make out Peter’s words.

“Lithium…carbon…fluorine…magnesium…phosphorus.” Natasha echoes each word she hears.

“He’s listing off the periodic table by threes?” Bruce asks, brows furrowed. Did they break him?

“Smart kid.” Sam smiles a little with pride. Everyone stares at Sam with confusion, so the man explains. “People often do things to help cope and ease their anxiety during stressful situations. One of the most practiced ways of relaxing is by repeating things verbally. To clear their minds, some people recite prayers, in meditation people hum and chant, and people sing a tune. Peter is practicing that same example. He’s taking his mind off of his surroundings and trying to keep his calm.”

“But why is he doing it by threes?” Clint asks.

“Probably a mini game for him or something. Another way for him to distract his mind.” Sam answers, looking back at the screen.

“FRIDAY, have you finished tracing this website back to the source?” Tony asks.

“I cannot break through the firewalls and jams set up.”

“What!? That’s not possible. Do you have a general location?”

“No, sir.” The AI sounds miserable. “Every time my systems try to hack in, I’m thrown out. The person in charge is very skilled at keeping me locked out.”

“Well isn’t that fucking peachy?” Tony pinches the bridge of his nose. “Keep trying. “

“Someone’s coming in.” Clint states. Tony glances at the screen and sure enough, a man in a crow mask strolls into the room. Peter doesn’t look up, but his mumbling becomes loud and more frantic as he struggles to list off the elements. He’s trying not to panic. He’s scared. He’d normally send quips to the villain, often times to mask his fear, but that’s not happening. A lot must have happened in two weeks. The man walks in front of the camera and bows as if he’s on stage.

_“Welcome my friends. My family. I see that all of you are excited to see the continuation of the show, as am I! We’ve got special guests tonight, watching from New York City. I hope you enjoy the show my wonderful Avengers.”_

The comments blew up. They were terrified yet excited to know about the avengers. The man holds up a phone and scrolls through it. He’s able to read the comments from it. Bucky catches Peter twitching. His kid might feel better now that his second family is getting closer to finding and rescuing him.

_“Relax, they can’t trace you. You’re safe.”_ The man reassures his audience _. “Let me introduce myself. My name is Crow, and I’m the ringleader of this show known as the Red Room. Never did I imagine that I’d have the famous Spider-Man here in my grasp. I have to thank my sponsors for giving me such an opportunity. They gave me the resources and funding to pull this off. I assure you, it’s nothing personal on my part. I’m just a man doing his job by the people and for the people.”_

Crow turns his back on the camera and walks before Peter. A hand brushes against Peter’s shoulder as the man waltzes behind the teen. He grabs Peter’s shoulder and squeezes. Peter still hasn’t looked up yet. He’s still chanting the periodic table.

_“Come on, kid, don’t be rude. Say hi to your fans.”_ Crow coos. Peter acts like he doesn’t hear the man. Good, he’s still got some fight in him. _“I apologize. He’s a bit shy. Teens, you know?”_

Crow laughs like a parent would when trying to excuse their child’s rude behavior. It makes Bucky sick.

_“Oh, Petey-Petey. I don’t envy you. To have enemies that’ll put you here is so unfortunate, but at least you’ll be a star, right?”_ Crow massages Peter’s shoulders before jerking a hand back. A loud popping sound was heard followed by Peter’s pained groaning. The bastard dislocated the teen’s shoulder as if it was nothing. Like it was tissue paper. Is Crow an enhanced human too? He didn’t even bat an eye. _“This is how it works. I know you already know, but for the newcomers, it must be addressed again. I’ll give you the cliff notes version though. You, the viewers, pay to have requests fulfilled. I’ll only do one or two requests a day depending on what they are. I will not do any sexual acts to this kid. I’ve got some standards.”_

Bucky doesn’t know if he’s relieved by that statement or not. It’s still foreboding.

_“No, Mr. Stark, you may not pay to have him released. I can accept or deny requests.”_ Crow says.

Tony curses under his breath. His eyes keep flashing to the mini bar that Tony put in not too long ago. Bucky couldn’t blame him. He has a feeling that whatever they’re about to see tonight, they’ll all want to have a drink. Bucky glances at Bruce. He’s not sure if the scientist should be here.

_“Basically, we’re here to have fun.”_ Crow pats Peter’s shoulders and goes to one of the carts. He picks up a butcher’s knife and a syringe. _“Before I forget, my providers gifted me with the greatest thing of all time. Inside this syringe,”_ Crow holds up the syringe for the camera to focus on. _“is a healing serum. It can heal any injuries Peter, here, endures. Think Deadpool. Sadly, it has a lifespan of a few hours and isn’t forever like the Merc.”_

Crow stabs the side of Peter’s neck with the syringe and injects the serum into the boy’s body. Peter gasps and throws his head back. The viewers can get a good look at Peter’s face. It’s beaten as much as the rest of his body. His eyes show only terror. Bucky’s heart breaks. Peter moans in pain. It’s like fire is being shot through his veins. As mentioned, Peter’s body heals faster than it normally does. Not a scar is left on him. The broken bones heal but incorrectly. Peter pants, exhausted. He seems dehydrated. Peter’s cheeks are hollow. There are dark circles under his eyes. He’s pale and looks clammy. His metabolism isn’t being catered too. It’s very apparent.

_“Any. Injury.”_ Crow discards the syringe and looks at the thick knife.

Bruce looks away in disgust. The team know what’s to come. Crow rests the blade against Peter’s forearm for a second before raising it high in the air.

“Stop! Don’t!” Bucky shouts at the screen. “No!”

The knife slams down and there’s a sickening chopping sound. Peter’s forearm has been sliced through. Peter just looks at the camera, in shock. It doesn’t register that this man has cut half of his arm off.

Clint covers his mouth with a hand. He’s gonna be ill. Steve’s eyes are squeezed shut with his head tilted slightly away. Tony wanders to the mini bar and pours himself a drink. Bucky is frozen. He’s replaying the event over and over. Natasha quickly escorts Bruce out of the room before he turns into the big guy. Ultimately, everyone is in shock. No words can describe how they feel.

Peter’s breath is trembling. On the verge of having a panic attack. His head slowly moves.

“Don’t look, kid. Don’t look.” Sam quietly begs.

“Peter, be brave. Be strong, kid.” Tony hopes his words reach Peter in some way. He takes a drink and runs a hand through his hair. He’s about to have a panic attack himself.

“Kid…” Bucky’s voice is wet from being on the verge of tears.

Peter’s eyes lock onto the knife still separating his limb. Blood is pouring everywhere. The shock gives way to the horror and pain. An earsplitting scream rips from Peter’s throat. From pain? From horror? Probably both. He struggles to get away. He’s scared! He hurts! He wants to go home!

_“Wolf! Bucky!”_ Peter begs. _“Bucky!”_

“I’m right here, Peter.” Bucky croons, despite Peter not hearing him. “I’m here, Pete. I’m here.”

It breaks everyone’s heart to watch this. Peter, calling out for Bucky’s help, and Bucky desperately trying to comfort his kid through the television.

Crow removes the blade and more blood gushes out. It splatters on the floor, staining the pristine white red. They could see the bone and muscles. Some of the flesh tore as it clung to the knife stubbornly. Blood is dripping from the knife. Instantaneously, the severed arm heals itself and attaches back to its other half.

_“The limbs and such can regenerate back to how it was as if nothing happened, so don’t be shy with your requests!”_ Crow chirps. _“Now then, onto the show!”_

The team stays there, waiting for what’s to come next. They watch as Peter is still screaming and hyperventilating. The chat is pinging with requests. No doubt that people are paying a pretty penny to watch their beloved Spider suffer. Crow is on his phone again, knife still in hand.

_“That’s right. He did make a lot of pop culture references in the beginning of his time here. It’d be fitting to recreate torture scenes from different shows and movies. I like that. Let’s do it.”_ Crow smiles brightly. “ _So, what should I do first?”_

The night is still young. FRIDAY has yet to report any luck in breaking through Crow’s defenses. All the team can do is watch their spider suffer.


	3. Faraway Star

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the support! <3
> 
> [ Warning for violence and gore ]

**Previously**

_Crow removes the blade and more blood gushes out. It splatters on the floor, staining the pristine white red. They could see the bone and muscles. Some of the flesh tore as it clung to the knife stubbornly. Blood is dripping from the knife. Instantaneously, the severed arm heals itself and attaches back to its other half._

_“The limbs and such can regenerate back to how it was as if nothing happened, so don’t be shy with your requests!” Crow chirps. “Now then, onto the show!”_

_The team stays there, waiting for what’s to come next. They watch as Peter is still screaming and hyperventilating. The chat is pinging with requests. No doubt that people are paying a pretty penny to watch their beloved Spider suffer. Crow is on his phone again, knife still in hand._

_“That’s right. He did make a lot of pop culture references in the beginning of his time here. It’d be fitting to recreate torture scenes from different shows and movies. I like that. Let’s do it.” Crow smiles brightly. “So, what should I do first?”_

_The night is still young. FRIDAY has yet to report any luck in breaking through Crow’s defenses. All the team can do is watch their spider suffer._

///

Crow scrolls through his phone like an eager child. The requests seem infinite. Peter’s screaming has begun to die down. The poor teen is exhausted and malnourished. Peter is panting. He looks sick. Actually sick.

“The kid needs something to drink.” Sam comments, never taking his eyes off the screen. “He’s not going to last long if he doesn’t.”

 _“Outlast, huh? That horror game? I suppose I could do that, but I’d need a lot more utensils. I’ll check it off as a maybe. Same goes for Saw.”_ Crow talks to the crowd.

Clint’s heart drops to his stomach. Those _Saw_ movies are twisted and fucked, and he’s heard of that _Outlast_ game. The fact that Crow is going to torture Peter in the ways done in movies and television shows and games means that this livestream is going to be hard to watch. This man is going to literally tear Peter apart, heal him as new, just to do it all over again. There’s no end goal. No one is trying to make the Winter Soldier. No one is trying to get information out of Peter. This is merely for entertainment for Crow and the people paying for this. All the team can do is watch. They have no leads to where this is being filmed. FRIDAY can’t access any information. The team has never felt more helpless before.

Peter’s body becomes limp. He’s passed out, and honestly, no one can blame him. He’s holding up better than anyone else would.

 _“How does Amnesia-esque torture sound? That’s a classic horror game. Plenty of things to choose from.”_ When there’s no response from Peter, Crow looks up from his phone and frowns.

The masked man walks to the cart and places the soiled knife on it. The many utensils there are filthy from past use. Some of it may not even be Peter’s blood. The thought makes Steve sick. Crow reaches into a bucket and a sloshing sound is heard. Crow pulls his arm out of the bucket and a huge, dripping sponge is held in his hand.

 _“I almost forgot that you need to drink every once in a while.”_ Crow nearly skips back over to Peter. He tilts the kid’s head back and opens his mouth. Crow presses the sponge against Peter’s lips to force water down his throat. Peter’s reaction is immediate. His eyes fly open and the teen coughs and gags. Peter’s toes and fingers wiggle around in the struggle of trying to get the man away from him. _“There we go. Can’t have you falling asleep when we have guests to entertain. I do apologize though, you needed something to drink, so I’m giving you a special treat.”_

The sponge is pulled away and Peter turns his head to the side and throws up on the ground. His body shakes, and his face looks pained. Tears stream down his cheeks.

 _“You’re so ungrateful!”_ Crow’s attitude changes abruptly. He kicks Peter’s stomach, forcing more bile to erupt from the sick teen. He wheezes. _“Do you understand how expensive vinegar is!?”_

“That bastard made Peter drink _vinegar_? That will only dehydrate the kid more, right!?” Clint looks to his team. They can only give the archer sad looks.

“When I get my hands on Crow, I’m going to rip him apart.” Bucky growls. His hands are clenched on the back of the couch. There’s a crack from the couch giving to the force.

“That makes two of us.” Steve has a deadly glint in his eyes. “I’m going to make him wish he never put a hand on our kid.”

“Sir, I can confirm that this is taking place within the country.” FRIDAY’s voice announces. “That’s all I’ve managed to extract so far.”

“It’s not much, but it’s something I suppose.” Tony rubs his temple.

“Well that narrows it down sort of. Maybe the kid will give us clues to better penpoint his location?” Sam tries to stay positive.

“He’s hardly coherent, birdman. I doubt we’ll be getting hints any time soon.” Tony crosses his arms and watches the screen again.

Crow tosses the sponge back into the container. He grabs other supplies and gets to work.

 _“I say we start off with a little old fashion Star Trek torture.”_ Crow says to the camera. _“Remember that episode where Picard keeps screaming “There are four lights”? Well, I’m going to recreate that but a little differently.”_

Crow drags Peter’s chair to a bathtub already full of water. There’s a fire that’s been lit from the very beginning underneath the tub. The water is steaming, and bubbles erupt every so often. The water is scalding. He removes the bindings to Peter’s wrists and ankles. The teen doesn’t even make an attempt to fight and escape. He’s so drained. Crow puts Peter in the water face up. The water makes Peter a little more alert. He hisses when he makes contact with it. Peter’s skin is more sensitive than the average man with his spider powers. Scalding water must be excruciating for him.

 _“Now, Petey, how many fingers are on my hand?”_ Crow asks gently. He holds up a hand showing all five of them. Peter is silent. _“Come on, Pete, tell me how many fingers I’m holding up.”_

 _“F-Five?”_ Peter’s voice is so feeble and broken.

Crow tsks.

 _“I’m sorry, but there’s six, Peter._ ” Crow corrects him. He grabs the kid’s throat and shoves him back under the water.  

The water is burning Peter’s face. His eyes. His ears. His body. Peter’s arms splash around, trying to get back up to the surface. Nothing he grabs onto is sticking. The water is making it too slippery. He can’t breathe! Giving up on the sides of the tub, Peter scratches at Crow’s arm with his blunt nails. The hand holds him in place though. This man is going to drown him!

”Let go of him!” Steve snarls. “He’s just a kid! He doesn’t deserve this at all! He’s done nothing wrong!”

”Why is he still holding Peter under the water!?” Sam stands up, as if ready to fight the screen. “He’s going to drown!”

Crow crouches there, hand holding Peter under the water. He’s not even looking at what he’s doing. The man is back to scrolling through his phone, looking bored. Uninterested in Peter’s struggles. Him not showing difficulty keeping Peter down proves that Crow is an enhanced human. His strength is amazing. He puts his phone away and finally pulls Peter’s head out of the water. He’s still clutching the teen’s throat.

Peter coughs and cries. His eyes stay closed from the pain. His skin is as red as a lobster from the heat. Crow holds up his hand again.

 _“How many fingers am I holding up, Peter?”_ Crow asks again.

 _“Five!”_ Peter shouts. He’s refusing to give in.

Through the mask, Crow’s lips form a thin, straight line. He shoves Peter back under the water, and the fight begins again.

”God dammit! Leave him alone!” Steve roars. He’s always been the dad of the team. He hates that he has to sit back and watch his own being tortured in such a way. Especially a kid.

Each time Peter is brought back up to the surface, he screams “five”. Each time he’s shoved back under, his resistance is weaker than the last.

 _“Peter, there are six fingers.”_ Crow says calmly. _“Six.”_

 _“Five…”_ Peter is barely able to keep his eyes open.

 _“Six.”_ Crow dunks Peter once again, but this time he isn’t letting Peter come up for air.

The team watches and waits for Crow to yank the kid up to breath, but it never happens. Peter’s thrashing gets slower. Bubbles are forming above Peter’s head.

”Peter!” Clint shouts in anguish.

”Kid!”

“Stop! Stop, you’re killing him!” Bucky screams at the television. “You’re killing him!”

Bucky doesn’t know what to do. His kid is being tortured in ways that no one should. He’s right there. Bucky can see him right there, but he can’t do anything about it. He can’t comfort Peter. He can’t rescue Peter. He can’t make the pain go away. Peter’s screams are going to haunt him forever.

Rhe ex-assassin paces around as he continues to hear Peter’s flails.

“Buck-“ Bucky smacks Steve’s hand off his shoulder.

“No! What are we doing!? We’re just sitting here and watching our kid get tortured! We should be searching for him right now! He needs us, dammit!” Bucky shouts.

“Yeah? And where do you suppose we should search? Where _haven’t_ we searched? You think we aren’t being affected by this just as much? Hm? We want him to come home safe just as much as you. Don’t you dare accuse us of not caring!” Tony shouts back.

“Guys…” Sam calls to them. The two men glare at Sam, whom points at the screen.

The kid is spazzing out. His body is giving it’s all to fight the suffocation. His legs slam against the tub to break free. Peter’s convulsing.

 _“Shh shh shh.”_ Crow hushes Peter like a parent would a crying baby. _“It’ll all be over soon. Just relax. It’s okay.”_

Peter’s fingers stop scratching at Crow’s arm.

 _“That’s it. Just relax.”_ Crow encourages.

The teen’s arms fall into the water. Peter’s stopped struggling. He’s become still. Crow continues to hold Peter under the water for thirty more seconds before dragging him out and slinging him on the floor. The teen is unresponsive.

“No!” Bucky cries in anguish.

Crow dries his hand off and smiles at the camera. He walks closer towards it, stepping on Peter’s body like some rug in the process.

 _“Sorry. I got a little carried away. Kids are so difficult and frustrating. They never listen and respect their elders.”_ Crow shrugs and turns back to Peter’s crumpled form. _“I’ll make him say six sometime. He’ll break. They always do.”_

Crow puts Peter back into the chair and binds him again. What about CPR? He’s gonna die if nothing’s done.

 _“He’ll be fine, Avengers.”_ Crow reassures their worries while placing Peter back in front of the television. _“Or not. I don’t really know. We’ll just have to see-“_

Peter starts coughing and water gushes from his mouth. He takes huge gulps of air in between coughs. His position isn’t making the water leave his body any easier, but at least it’s coming out. The team sighs, relieved, in unison.

 _“There he is! I knew you’d be too stubborn to die!”_ Crow exclaims happily.

 _“Still…five…”_ Peter wheezes _._ There’s a mischievous sparkle in the kid’s eyes. He hasn’t given up hope. He still believes that his family will find him. He can hold out a little while longer.

Pride bubbles up in Bucky’s chest. Defiant little punk. Even on his death bed, he has to have the last laugh.

Crow smirks and bends down in front of Peter.

_“Is that so? I wonder what I’ll need to do to change your mind?”_

_“Well, you could brush your teeth for a start.”_ Peter quips. Crow’s smirk turns into a snarl.

“Dammit, kid, don’t antagonize him.” Sam groans.

_“I don’t appreciate your tone.”_

_“And I don’t appreciate your fashion sense, but here we are.”_ Peter clearly doesn’t care about consequences anymore. _“A crow mask? Really? I know we all want to be Falcon, but some of us can’t pull it off. It’s called originality. I wouldn’t mind giving you some pointers.”_

Peter keeps rambling. The man isn’t sure where the teen got his newfound confidence from. It’s possible that he’s lost it. Or that with the Avengers watching him he feels a type of comfort. Well… Crow can’t have that.

Crow grabs Peter’s tongue while the teen’s talking. Very slowly, he cuts into it with a pair of old, rusty scissors. Blood gushes all over his hands.

 _“Want to keep talking?”_ Crow challenges. Peter shrieks in pain. _“I guess you don’t.”_

Crow yanks the rest of the tongue off. It tears further along towards the back so now the missing piece is no longer straight across. The man forces Peter’s mouth shut to keep the blood inside. Peter is screaming through it. He’s coughing, blood spraying out occasionally. His head is thrashing as if it’ll get rid of the pain.

 _“I guess we’ll call it here for tonight. Thank you all for watching! I’ll be sure to look over your requests and properly prepare for them tomorrow night.”_ Crow releases his hold on Peter’s mouth. As soon as Peter opens it, blood comes out like a waterfall. _“Same time. Same place.”_

The last thing the Avengers see is Peter’s desperate eyes looking into the camera. It looks like he’s about to say something, but the video shuts off before he’s get the chance to.

Tony throws his whisky glass against the wall with a frustrated shout. Clint glares holes at the television screen, expecting it to come back on again. Steve is left speechless.

“I want this man found, Tony. I want him found now.” Bucky says darkly before leaving the room to be alone. He doesn’t wait for anyone’s response. Crow is a dead man walking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Follow me on Tumblr:
> 
> @BrandNewWings


	4. Lollipop

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky relishes his memories with Peter. A week's passed since the Avengers have begun watching Peter's torture. Hope arises.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the support! <3
> 
> Not a lot of violence and gore this chapter. But I do have a question. Is the torture too brutal? I can tone it down if it's too much, you know?
> 
> Follow me on Tumblr: @BrandNewWings

**Previously**

 

_“I guess we’ll call it here for tonight. Thank you all for watching! I’ll be sure to look over your requests and properly prepare for them tomorrow night.” Crow releases his hold on Peter’s mouth. As soon as Peter opens it, blood comes out like a waterfall. “Same time. Same place.”_

_The last thing the Avengers see is Peter’s desperate eyes looking into the camera. It looks like he’s about to say something, but the video shuts off before he’s get the chance to._

_“I want this man found, Tony. I want him found now.” Bucky says darkly before leaving the room to be alone. He doesn’t wait for anyone’s response. Crow is a dead man walking._

 

* * *

 

Bucky leaves the tower and storms around the city. He has no objective, has no destination, he’s just wandering aimlessly. He can’t get Peter’s face out of his head. It goes from a smiling Peter to a bloody one. He watched his kid drown. He watched him struggle until his body gave out. Bucky watched some sick bastard walk on Peter as if he’s a part of the floor. How long until they find him? What will Peter be like then? How will Bucky be able to help him? What will set him off? Bucky will have to relearn the teen. No one comes back from torture the way they came in. No one.

The ex-assassin finds himself in central park. There are so many memories here that pertain to Peter. The teen took Bucky here some nights to teach Bucky astronomy. Since being frozen and locked away in Hydra for many years, Bucky has missed a lot of discoveries made by NASA and other facilities. Apparently, the potential of life on Pluto is possible but unlikely. Pluto isn’t even considered a planet anymore. Peter showed Bucky newer pictures of the dwarf planet. It’s so beautiful and looks oddly patriotic with its colors being red, white, and blue. The planet snows red snow. It has mountains and glaciers. Jupiter’s moon, Europa is also suspected to be a potential carrier of alien life beneath its icy-watery surface. It’s theorized that there are huge oceans under the surface. Bucky is so fascinated by this. Sure, he’s met aliens and such, but it never gets boring. The wolf is more than happy to let Peter teach him constellations and look through telescopes.

 _“It’d be easier to see the stars without all the light pollution from the city.” Peter said_. _“We should go up north to see the northern lights.”_

Bucky smiles at the memory. That night, he and Tony surprised Peter by painting the ceiling to his bedroom in glow in the dark paint to simulate northern lights. Peter was more than overjoyed. He kept chanting “thank you”s until the two men had to shout at him to stop. Bucky didn’t know that upon joining the Avengers, he’d adopt a teenage brat. A geeky, awkward brat with strength that could rival the Hulk’s. It must be his destiny to look after punks.

There were also times where Bucky took Peter out to the park to show him the wonders of the world as well. On a warm night, the white wolf decided to show the spiderling something magical.

_“You’re familiar with lightning bugs, yeah?” Bucky asks._

_“We call them fireflies here.” Peter points out._

_“That’s because you’re all degenerates, but I can look past that for the time being.” Bucky snorts as he dodges a kick._

_“What about them, though?” Peter asks, watching a few yellow flashes in the distance._

_“They’re the most active on warm nights like this one. It’s very magical.” Bucky explains._

_“You took me out here to see bugs?” Peter arches a brow. “I see them all the time.”_

_“I bet you haven’t seen them the way I’m about to show you. Come on.” Bucky leads Peter deep inside the forest. The crickets ae chirping and frogs are croaking. They can hear other critters moving around. At one point, Bucky covers Peter’s eyes to build up the teen’s surprise. He helps maneuver Peter over rocks and tree roots. “Almost there.”_

_“I can’t help but feel like I’m about to be the victim of some kind of premeditated murder.” Peter says. Bucky rolls his eyes._

_“Kid, if I wanted to kill you, you’d already be dead and disposed of.”_

_“Thanks for the boost of comfort, pal.” Peter says sarcastically._

_“Yep.”_

_Bucky stops and positions Peter._

_“Okay.” Bucky uncovers Peter’s eyes. The teen gasps in awe at what he sees._

_It’s like a magical wonderland. Fireflies are everywhere. Their glow reminds Peter of fairies flying around. The yellow lights illuminate everything around them. They reflect off the lake. They’re high in the air, acting like stars. The bugs swirl around both Bucky and Peter. The bright, full moon completes the atmosphere. Every so often, Peter’s enhanced hearing picks up on the flittering wings. It’s just so mesmerizing. The blinking is sporadic and neve in sync with each other._

_Peter is flashing back to that scene in Tangled with all those lanterns around Rapunzel and Rider._

_“It’s so beautiful.” Peter whispers. Bucky smiles and catches one of the insects in his hands._

_“Me and Steve used to catch lightning bugs all the time as kids.” Bucky takes Peter’s hand and carefully ushers the small bug onto it._

_When the bug crawls around on his skin, it tickles. Peter turns his hand every which way, so the bug wouldn’t fall off. When Peter looks up at Bucky, he snorts. So many fireflies have landed on the ex-assassin. It’s an adorable sight. He looks no where close to the deadly “Winter Soldier”._

_“Thank you for showing this to me.” Peter gives a big toothy grin before hugging Bucky. Arms wrapped around Bucky’s chest and a face nuzzling into him._

_“Sure thing, punk.” Bucky hugs the boy back. His flesh hand tousling Pete’s hair affectionately, metal arm wrapped around the kid’s shoulders. He swells with pride at making the kid happy._

_Still hugging Bucky, Peter looks up to say something when a lightning bug lands on the teen’s nose._

_“Ack!” Peter flails and swats at the bug to get away. He falls over on his butt in the process._

_Bucky lets out a hearty laugh. Peter soon joins him._

Bucky sighs and wipes a hand over his face. It’s not like they’ll never have those moments again, but that childish wonder won’t be there anymore. Peter’s eyes will hold a pain and darkness that will never go away. He may not even feel safe with Bucky. The wolf let him down. He couldn’t protect Peter.

The man sits down on a bench and lets out another sigh.

 

* * *

 

The days pass by slowly for Peter. Pain. That’s all he ever feels now. When was the last time he’s fallen asleep from fatigue and not just pass out because the pain became too much to handle or because he’s lost too much blood? Peter just wants Crow to kill him. He really wants to die, but Crow won’t let him. He brings him back every time with that damn drug of his.

Each day, Peter believes that Crow has topped his cruelty and can’t get any worse, but each day he’s proven wrong. Peter has been skinned alive. He’s been torn apart. He’s been set on fire. He’s had his eyes gouged out. Crow played a game of “Which organ can Peter survive without the longest?”. And each time he’s asked the same question, “How many fingers am I holding up?”

Peter’s been tortured like the victims in Saw, the prisoners in Outlast, the prisoners in Amnesia, Hostel, Wolf Creek, Corpse Party, American Horror Story, and many many more. During each session of torture, Peter withdrawals into his mind. When the pain becomes too much, he blacks out part of it. He recites formulas and the periodic table to keep his mind occupied. Crow finds amusement in that.

Of course, Peter will never give in. Not when his family is watching him, trying to track him down. He knows that when they find him, it’ll be a blood bath. Bucky is going to tear Crow limb from limb. Steve is going to beat the shit out of the man. Tony is going to track down the viewers and wreak havoc on them. When you hurt one Avenger, you hurt them all. _Especially_ when you hurt the baby of the family.

But it’s so hard. It’s so freaking hard to not give in. Peter wants to break. The teen wants to shout “six” so it’ll be over faster. But him saying “five” is probably giving his family hope. It’s giving him hope. So, if Peter actually sees six fingers now instead of five, no one has to know.

“Okay, Petey, the show is about to go on. I got you a snack out of the goodness of my heart.” Crow walks into the room, carrying a plastic sack. Peter slowly lifts his head. He just wants to sleep. His bindings are rubbing his wrists and ankles raw. His body is sore from constantly sitting.

What would be the point in eating, anyway, if Peter’s going to throw it back up again? He’s lost so much weight in the span of three weeks. Crow reaches into the bag and pulls out a sandwich that looks to be from some gas station. That makes Peter freeze. Wait… Peter’s eyes scan the bag and finds the thing that will be Crow’s biggest mistake.

The man crouches to eye level with Peter.

“I know you probably resent me. You probably think this is unfair. Boy, let me explain a few things to you.” Crow unwraps the sandwich from its packaging. “There’s a reason why it’s called a “Red Room”. Each person starts off in a white room like this one. No blemish to be seen. By the time it’s all over, not a speck of white will be left. It’ll be a red…room. Each room is a blank canvas for the viewers to pain on. They are the true artists here. I am simply the brush. Lucky for you, the room is coated in lots of red. Not much longer now before your job here is done. Then you’ll be put out of your misery.”

Crow presses the sandwich against Peter’s lips. The teen takes a bite, chews it a bit, then spits it out in Crow’s face. The man doesn’t seem perturbed. He takes the sandwich away from Peter and tosses it aside. The teen can starve for all he cares.

“The fact that you still have some fight left in you after all this time is admirable.” Crow uses his sleeve to clean off his mask. “It makes it so much more enjoyable to break you then.”

Crow floats to a table that’s out of the camera’s shot. It holds various bottles of alcohol. He’s used a few on Peter before. The man chooses a bottle of red wine and jabs a corkscrew in to pull out the cork. He pours himself a glass.

“I respect you, Spider-Man, I really do. You help the little guy. That’s poetic and honorable, but the money I got to put you here was too good to pass up. You understand, right? We’re reasonable men. We know that to survive in this world, we have to do whatever’s necessary.”

“They’re gonna find me, and when they do, you’re dead.” Peter promises. His voice is rough from the constant abuse.

“It’s been three weeks, Peter. A full week since they’ve been allowed to watch you. Why haven’t they found you yet?” Crow challenges and sips his wine.

“They’ll find me.”

“Well, I’ll look forward to that day then.” Crow takes another sip of his wine.

He places the bottle of wine back in it’s place after putting the cork back into the bottle. Crow walks to Peter.

“I think I’ve found a way to make you break tonight. I can’t wait for it.” Crow smirks and twists the corkscrew into Peter’s right eye. The brunette curses and groans. “Oh yeah. I forgot to inject you with the serum, didn’t I? You’ll be okay.”

A droplet of blood rolls down Peter’s cheek like a tear as Crow continues to twist the corkscrew into his eye socket.

_Bucky._


	5. Never On Sunday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter finally snaps.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the support! <3
> 
> Is anyone else stoked about Twenty One Pilots's new album? Their song "Jumpsuit" inspired this chapter!
> 
> [ Warning: Gore and Violence ]

**Previously**

_“It’s been three weeks, Peter. A full week since they’ve been allowed to watch you. Why haven’t they found you yet?” Crow challenges and sips his wine._

_“They’ll find me.”_

_“Well, I’ll look forward to that day then.” Crow takes another sip of his wine._

_He places the bottle of wine back in it’s place after putting the cork back into the bottle. Crow walks to Peter._

_“I think I’ve found a way to make you break tonight. I can’t wait for it.” Crow smirks and twists the corkscrew into Peter’s right eye. The brunette curses and groans. “Oh yeah. I forgot to inject you with the serum, didn’t I? You’ll be okay.”_

_A droplet of blood rolls down Peter’s cheek like a tear as Crow continues to twist the corkscrew into his eye socket._

_Bucky._

 

* * *

 

Crow yanks out the corkscrew and injects Peter with the serum to make him good as new. He walks over to the camera and messes with it. Soon, the show will begin again, and Peter’s sanity will slip further away. He needs to be strong. He can do this. Whatever it is that Crow has in store for Peter tonight, he can handle it. He’s gone though so much hell already. Nothing phases him anymore.

That’s what he’d like to believe.

Peter glances down at the plastic bag again. He needs to focus. That bag is from a gas station. It isn’t from a huge corporation like BP or 7-Eleven. The design and logo suggest that it’s from a small business, meaning that it’s in a pinpoint location. _‘Zion Country Store’_ it reads. Now, how many Zions are there in the United States?

The teen’s thoughts begin slipping. He can’t stay as focused like before. He finds himself twitching and a trace of a smile on his lips. It’s almost like he’s excited. Excited for what? Having a clue to where he is? Excited about tasting a semblance of freedom after three weeks of torture? But that doesn’t feel right. That’s not why he’s excited. Why is he excited? What is he excited for?

His spidey-sense has been going haywire since the moment he woke up here. Now, it’s become a distant feeling at the back of his neck. He’s constantly in danger. The first few times that Peter almost died, his sixth sense screamed in ways he never thought possible.

Peter’s thoughts suddenly go back to the bag. How can he signal the others without giving himself away? Peter needs to broadcast it to them without striking suspicion but also easy enough for the team to understand. He needs to do it tonight. He’s not sure if he can hold onto sanity much longer.

The red blinking from the camera indicates that he’s live. The masked man steps out in front of it. The times Peter’s imagined breaking loose and stabbing him in the back is almost disturbing. The amount of times Peter’s resolve to never kill anyone has shaken is scary. If he kills someone… It changes people.

“Hello and welcome back!” Crow puts on his overly cheery persona for the viewers. “I’ll skip the rest of the opening and get straight to the theme for tonight. I have a special treat that I think all of you will be happy about. Many of you have requested this, and I dare say that I wish I’ve done it sooner.”

Crow pulls a chair out in front of Peter. The cart of “toys” is stationed beside him. The teen used to gag at the potent smell of dried blood from the utensils, but he’s grown used to it now. He’s caked in and surrounded by it after all. There’s no escaping it. Crow goes off screen and grabs a metal bucket. He sets it beside the empty chair and takes a seat.

Peter begins envisioning his happy place, Mr. Stark’s lab. The blasting rock tunes he plays. DUM-E trying to help with a situation but inevitably making it worse. Many empty coffee cups littering the tables. The gadgets and suits on display. Mr. Stark, smiling at Peter. It’s such a warm place to be.

“Some of you may have heard of Marie Antoinette. She was the queen of France a long time ago. Supposedly, before she was executed, her hair turned stark white from the amount of stress she undertook. I wonder if that’s possible,” Crow cards a hand through Peter’s matted hair. He rips out chunks in the process. “I told you this because there’s this anime where this character is tortured so badly that his hair turned white and his nails blackened. _Tokyo Ghoul_ is what it’s called. There are so many things from that story I could do to Petey, here, but I feel like the iconic one is the best. I can discredit the Antoinette syndrome though. After all the people I’ve tortured, no one’s hair ever turned white.”

Crow sifts through the utensils on the cart until he finds what he’s looking for. He holds up a pair of pliers.

“After everything you’ve done to me, I doubt pulling off my fingers and toes will do anything,” Peter tries to make himself brave. It doesn’t matter what all’s been done to him, he’s still scared shitless. It always hurts. He’s scared that this will kill his mind. Crow said he had something that will make him finally break. What is it?

“Oh? You’re familiar with _Tokyo Ghoul_?” Crow dismisses what Peter said. He uncurls Peter’s left hand so it’s splayed out for him.

“My friend liked to dabble in the anime world on occasion,” Peter never breaks eye contact with Crow.

“Peter, how many fingers am I holding up?” Crow asks, not bothering to hold up his hand. He knows that Peter understands what he wants. Crow positions the pliers so they’re holding onto Peter’s index finger firmly.

“Five,” Peter answers.

Crow gives a sharp yank, and Peter’s finger is ripped off of his hand. Blood gushes out from the remaining nub. Peter thrashes his head and tries to stomp his feet to work through the pain. The shock of missing a limb will never change. The dull _thunk_ of something hitting the bucket hardly registers in Peter’s ears. He’s got a task to carryout.

He feels the pliers on his middle finger now.

“How many fingers, Peter?” Crow asks again.

“Z Boson. Iodine. Oxygen. Nitrogen,” Peter starts chanting the elements again, like he usually does. It helps distract him from the pain and fear. He can only hope that the others get the message.

Crow tears off the middle finger.

“Z Boson…Iodine. O-Oxygen-n. Nitrog-gen.” Peter grits through the pain.

Another finger is ripped off. And another. And another. Until none are left on each hand. The serum is doing its job in regenerating them. After each finger, Peter loses his place and starts the list all over again. Crow moves onto Peter’s toes. For some reason, having toes ripped off is more painful.

 “How many fingers, Peter?” Tears roll down Peter’s cheeks. It hurts so much to resist. He can feel himself slipping. The happy place Peter’s made for himself is beginning to crack.

“Oxygen. Nitrogen,” Peter cries. Another toe lost.

This goes on until the bucket is completely full of fingers and toes. It feels like it’s been hours. Peter is rattled. His body is trembling and on edge. His eyes are huge and breathing uneven. More of his happy place is shattering. The teen is reaching his limit.

“I think it’s time that we move on to the finale,” Crow grabs a discarded index finger with his pliers and examines it. He looks at Peter and shoves the dismembered appendage into Peter’s mouth. He forces the teen to bite down on it. There’s a squelching and crunching sound. Peter turns green.

As soon as Crow stands up, Peter spits out the chunks and dry heaves. Saliva hangs down from his chin, making him look like a rabid animal.

“Now, I wanted to be original and use a spider for this, but I don’t want to get bit and there’s no telling where it’ll go, so I have no choice but to stick with the centipede,” Crow went off screen again and came back with a small plastic container.

Peter freezes. There’s no way _that_ ’s happening. He remembers Ned telling him about this show. He remembers a distinct part of the character’s torture. Please, no…

“Don’t. Please,” Peter starts to move sluggishly, as if to get away from Crow. “Anything but that.”

“Aw, I wanted it to be a surprise. Your friend is horrible with spoilers,” Crow pouts and places the container down. He opens the lid.

“Please don’t! Please!” His struggles are more violent. Peter is losing it. He’s finally losing it. He doesn’t care what the others think. He doesn’t care if he’s ruining their hope. He doesn’t care about anything. He only cares about getting that container away from him.

Crow reaches inside and pulls out a writhing centipede between his fingers. It’s many long legs moving around and antenna shifting. Peter can hear it clicking as it bends. The teen is going to throw up. Crow steps towards Peter.

“Peter, how many fingers am I holding up?” Crow asks calmly.

Peter stares at Crow desperately. He shakes his head repeatedly. Crow frowns and walks to Peter’s side.

_Is it worth it anymore? Does it matter? Just say the number, Peter. Just say it and this’ll all be over._

But he can’t! If he does, he’s admitting defeat. Crow will win.

_Your pride or your sanity? Let this happen, and you’ll never come back from this._

Peter argues with himself. He’s at war. Does he give in after all this time of struggling, or does he continue to fight? Crow’s hand gets closer and closer to him, as does the centipede. When he feels the bug brush against his ear, Peter breaks.

“Six!” Peter cries out in forlorn. The centipede is pulled away from him.

“What was that, Peter?” Crow asks.

“Six! You have six fingers on your hand! Six! There are six!” Peter sobs. His happy place is nearly in pieces.

“How many fingers am I holding up, Peter?” Crow repeats his question.

“Six,” Peter is starting to hyperventilate. “ _Six._ ”

Crow smiles.

“Good boy,” Crow praises and presses the centipede into Peter’s ear. The thing quickly slides and crawls further inside.

Peter throws his head back and lets out the most guttural scream. He thrashes his head around in a panic.

“Get it out! Get it out! Get this thing out of me!” Peter shrieks.

He can hear it. _Feel_ it crawling around inside his ear. He can feel each individual leg. He can feel it’s antenna rub against the walls. The clicking is so loud. He can hear every move and sound it makes, even more so with his enhanced hearing. _He can hear it_. _He can feel it._

It’s pushing against his eardrum. Pressing forward. He’s unaware of what’s happening beyond his body. He doesn’t know what Crow is doing or saying. All he can focus on is the centipede in his ear. Peter keeps screaming, keeps shouting, begging for the bug to be taken out of him. Finally, the happy place in Peter’s mind, the safe space, completely shatters into nothing. He breaks.

It starts off as a bubble. It floats its way up from Peter’s stomach, through his chest, and out of his mouth. A chuckle at first. Then that turns into giggling. Finally, Peter erupts in maniac laughter. Hysterical. It won’t stop once it starts.

Pain is irrelevant to Peter now. What is pain?

Tears stream down Peter’s face as he continues to laugh. He’s so broken.

“I knew this would break you,” Crow rejoices, and watches Peter have his melt down. The kid’s lost it. Absolutely lost it. This was the thing that pushed Peter over the edge. Who would’ve thought?

Crow relishes in his victory until he notices that Peter’s eyes have a wild look to them. His laughter has begun to die down to giggles. A face-splitting smile is plastered on the boy’s face. It’s so unsettling. It’s like he’s possessed. There’s a loud snapping noise from Peter’s wrist. He’s broken it himself in his fit of insanity. He isn’t acknowledging the pain as he continues to pull his wrist against its restraints. There’s more crunching and bone is stabbing through the skin. It’s followed by a tearing sound, and Peter’s right arm is free.

Blood is gushing out from the stump. He yanked his hand off. Much like a coyote bites through its leg when trapped. Peter isn’t weighing the pros and cons of his actions. He’s just doing whatever he needs to do to survive. The teen is insane and feral.

Peter’s hand grows back in seconds and he rips out the centipede from his ear. He crushes it in his hand all while ripping away his other arm, so it’s free too. Crow slowly backs away towards the door. The tables are quickly turning. It happened so fast. Crow wasn’t prepared for this.

“The spider is breaking free. I need men here now!” Crow shouts and slings the door open when one of Peter’s legs is free.

“Come back, Crow! I thought you wanted to play!” Peter giggles and frees his last limb. He looks at the camera and cocks his head. He smiles and destroys the device. Peter is a little shaky at first when he walks but it doesn’t defer him. “Crow!”

Peter exits the room looking each way. What a rude man. He takes a step forward and is shot at by multiple men.

“Now that’s not nice!” Peter pouts and runs at them without a care in the world. He targets the closest one.

Peter grabs one of the guy’s arm, that’s holding a gun, and bends it back until it’s dislocated. He slams the elbow, so it pops in an unnatural direction and directs the man’s gun to fire at the others. Peter then breaks the man’s wrist, and points the gun at himself, blowing the man’s brains out. Another goon tries to sneak up behind Peter, but the teen simply kicks his foot out and trips the assailant onto his back. Peter straddles the man’s chest and breaks his neck. This left one more guy.

Peter gets off the dead carcass and approaches him. The man tries to run away, but Peter jumps and straddles his neck without effort.

“Can you tell me where Crow went?” Peter says bubbly. The man is trembling. “No?”

Peter tsks and pushes his fingers into the man’s eye sockets. The man screams and fires his gun all around him as a reflex. Peter jumps off the man as the goon falls to the ground, lifeless. He dusts himself off and looks around again. He’s in a large hallway or a corridor. He’s not really sure. It’s a bit dark too. Peter picks a direction to explore and heads that way.

Peter’s mind is in a haze. He doesn’t know what’s going on around him. He feels like he’s floating on a cloud and the sound is muffled and distorted. There are flashes of images, but they never process. Peter’s finally escaped that room. He’s finally free. Locked inside his own mind.

The teen rounds a corner and sees Crow running away.

“Crow! I finally found you!” Peter exclaims. Crow spins around, terror written all over his face. Peter takes his time approaching the quivering man. “I don’t know why you’re so scared. Isn’t this what you wanted?”

Peter sways, the wild look still in his eyes. There’s a nagging feeling in the back of his neck, but Peter’s too out of it to recognize it’s meaning.

“You pushed and pushed and pushed,” Peter says. “You laughed while I screamed. You smiled as I cried. You took the sweet release of death from me every time and brought me right back to that room. Oh, you pushed me. You pushed. Pushed. _Pushed_. Unknowing of what kind of monster you were creating. You kept pushing me, Crow. You kept pushing me. I tried to tell you to stop. You should’ve listened.”

Peter is standing before Crow now.

“Where’s all that strength, Crow? Where’s all that snark? Where’s the man that lit me on fire? Where’s the man that skinned me like a grape?” Peter grabs Crow’s throat in a vice grip and holds the man up in the air. “How many fingers am I holding up, Crow?”

Peter’s about to say something more but he’s tackled to the ground from behind, dropping Crow. Peter struggles with his attacker but each time he starts getting the upper hand, he’s pinned back down. The teen ends up on his back, wrists pinned above his head by a metal hand, icy blue eyes glare down into his brown ones.

_Who?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Follow me on Tumblr:
> 
> @BrandNewWings


	6. Lonely Lips

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Kick through the shackles. Walk through the chains. There's no oppressor. There's no one to blame but you." - Kings by Tribe Society

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for the support! <3
> 
> Follow me on Tumblr: @BrandNewWings

**Previously**

 

_The teen rounds a corner and sees Crow running away._

_“Crow! I finally found you!” Peter exclaims. Crow spins around, terror written all over his face. Peter takes his time approaching the quivering man. “I don’t know why you’re so scared. Isn’t this what you wanted?”_

_Peter sways, the wild look still in his eyes. There’s a nagging feeling in the back of his neck, but Peter’s too out of it to recognize its meaning._

_“You pushed and pushed and pushed,” Peter says. “You laughed while I screamed. You smiled as I cried. You took the sweet release of death from me every time and brought me right back to that room. Oh, you pushed me. You pushed. Pushed. Pushed. Unknowing of what kind of monster you were creating. You kept pushing me, Crow. You kept pushing me. I tried to tell you to stop. You should’ve listened.”_

_Peter is standing before Crow now._

_“Where’s all that strength, Crow? Where’s all that snark? Where’s the man that lit me on fire? Where’s the man that skinned me like a grape?” Peter grabs Crow’s throat in a vice grip and holds the man up in the air. “How many fingers am I holding up, Crow?”_

_Peter’s about to say something more but he’s tackled to the ground from behind, dropping Crow. Peter struggles with his attacker but each time he starts getting the upper hand, he’s pinned back down. The teen ends up on his back, wrists pinned above his head by a metal hand, icy blue eyes glare down into his brown ones._

_Who?_

 

* * *

 

Bucky is out on the balcony. Eyes closed as he feels the evening breeze embrace him like a hug. Any minute now, he’s going to have to watch Peter get ripped apart again by a man that calls himself Crow. Whoever is sponsoring Crow has notified him on how to keep FRIDAY out of his hair, otherwise the team would’ve been there by now. The world hasn’t stopped for Peter Parker, though. The world still needs protecting, so the team gets spread thinner, and the resources are rationed.

This week has been the longest of Bucky’s life. Longer than a week during the war. Longer than a week with Hydra. Every day it’s the same thing. Wake up, find more dead ends pertaining to Peter, watch Peter scream until his voice is raw, sleep, and repeat. Coming here doesn’t feel like home anymore. The spark of life in the compound is gone.

“Buck, it’s time,” Steve’s voice says from behind the man. The way the blond says it sounds like they’re about to go to a trial, an execution.

Bucky’s not sure how many times he’s had to calm Steve down from a nightmare. How many time’s he’s had to coax him out of the gym. Bucky’s not sure how many hours of sleep Tony’s gotten in total during the week. The fridge and counters are covered in desserts and baked goods from Sam’s stress baking. Each time someone tries to eat them or give them away, Sam smacks their hands away and says that they’re for Peter when he comes home. The others didn’t have the heart to stop him. After each night, Bruce locks himself in his lab and gathers things Peter will need once he’s back. Antibiotics, pain relievers, sleeping pills, etc. Wanda doesn’t do much these days. She just stares out the window with a blank expression on her face. Natasha and Clint try to honor Peter by patrolling Queens. Clint says that Peter would have their asses if they let the crime in Queens run rampant while he was gone. They also take the time to check on May and tell her if they’ve found any leads. Bucky puts on the Chordettes and puts together bionicles. When he finishes them, Bucky goes out and buys a dozen more sets and gets to work. The ones he finishes are placed on Peter’s bookshelves. There’s been no word from Thor.

“I wish tonight would be different,” Bucky sighs and turns to face his lifelong friend. Steve offers a small smile.

“Maybe it will be. Don’t lose hope, Buck,” Steve and Bucky walk inside and meet where the others are waiting. The television is on. Bruce doesn’t watch the red room after last time he nearly went Hulk. Tony or FRIDAY relay the events to the doctor to keep him updated. Bucky’s stomach is doing flips. He has a bad feeling. Of course, his fear is warranted given what he’s about to see, but it’s worse than usual.

The television crackles and the video comes on. The familiar pinging of viewers chatting is background noise as Crow takes center stage. Bucky eyes how half of Peter’s face is smeared in blood as if he’d been crying it. The look Peter gives Crow is dark but quickly changes to shock. The kid’s experiencing a war inside him. Morals versus instincts. Everyone’s been noticing that struggle.

Today, there’s something there. A new look in Peter’s eyes. Absolute exhaustion. Not physically either. The exhaustion you feel inside your soul after fighting with it for so long. That exhaustion that’s felt deep in your bones. Peter’s tired of fighting. Tired of living. Tired of staying strong. There’s something else though. A spark. Like the last-ditch effort embers make before going out.

  _“Hello and welcome back!”_ Crow begins. _“I’ll skip the rest of the opening and get straight to the theme for tonight. I have a special treat that I think all of you will be happy about. Many of you have requested this, and I dare say I wish I’ve done it sooner.”_

Crow smiles and presents a chair in front of Peter. He leaves the camera. There’s a clanking sound and Crow comes back, placing a bucket beside the chair and sitting down in the chair. Peter’s eyes become a bit distant. Sam once said that Peter is probably trying to dissociate from the current situation.

_“Some of you may have heard of Marie Antoinette. She was the queen of France a long time ago. Supposedly, before she was executed, her hair turned stark white from the amount of stress she undertook. I wonder if that’s possible,”_ Crow pauses and runs his fingers through Peter’s hair. Even though Peter’s hair is matted to hell, Crow continues to pull and yank until his fingers are free. Chunks of hair are in Crow’s palm. _“I told you this because there’s this anime where this character is tortured so badly that his hair turned white and his nails blackened. Tokyo Ghoul is what it’s called. There are so many things from that story I could do to Petey, here, but I feel like the iconic one is the best. I can discredit the Antoinette syndrome though. After all the people I’ve tortured, no one’s hair ever turned white.”_

“If he’s going to shove Peter’s face in a table saw again, I don’t think I’ll be able to stomach that a second time,” Clint says more to himself than the others.

“I feel bad for all the people who’ve died by this man’s hand,” Steve crosses his arms, frown heavy on his lips. “We need to have SHIELD or someone look into sites like this. Who knows how many there are.”

“I don’t even want to think about it,” Wanda shivers.

“Believe me. They’ll be taken care of permanently,” Tony promises.

_“After everything you’ve done to me, I doubt pulling off my fingers and toes will do anything,”_ Peter puts on a brave front.

The room tenses. They can’t imagine… It’s one thing to be tortured, knowing it’s going to happen yet not know _how_ it’s going to be done, but it’s another to know that how. The specific how. Peter knows what’s waiting for him at point B. That must be terrifying.

“Did he say…” Sam looks at Steve.

“I’m afraid so,” Steve’s fingers dig into his biceps. Steve thinks Peter as one of his own. He always ends up mother henning the kid after his patrols. There’s something about Peter that makes people want to take care of him. To keep him away from the hurt. Maybe it’s because Steve sees so much of himself in Peter.

Peter and Crow chat as the masked man unravels the kid’s hand to be flat. Crow presses pliers onto Peter’s index finger.

He asks the question.

Peter answers defiantly.

The torture begins.

The finger is ripped off like it’s nothing. It separated like breaking Styrofoam. Peter tosses his head back and forth with a few tears falling down his cheeks. Crow doesn’t waste time and is already clutching Peter’s middle finger.

_“How many fingers, Peter?”_ Crow asks.

_“Z Boson. Iodine. Oxygen. Nitrogen,”_ Peter answers instead.

This isn’t unusual for Peter. He chants the periodic table all the time. Crow yanks off the middle finger, but Peter continues his ramblings.

Tony watches this with furrowed brows and a frown. The expression is not from watching Peter’s fingers getting ripped off, it’s an expression of deep thought. Steve notices this.

“Care to share with the class?” He asks.

“It just doesn’t make sense,” Tony answers.

“Why would you try to make sense of this madness? There’s none to be found,” Clint says, looking back at the two.

“No, not that. I mean what he’s saying. It doesn’t make sense,” Tony goes to the table. “FRIDAY bring up those four words.”

A hologram showing the words Z Boson, Iodine, Oxygen, and Nitrogen appear. Tony’s frown deepens as he shifts through it. Peter’s screams and chattering continues on in the background.

“He’s just saying that to cope. Sam said so,” Steve says, walking to his friend’s side to gaze at the words himself. He doesn’t see anything off putting about these words.

“That’s true. He does do that, but they’re usually in some kind of order like by threes or lightest to heaviest or the noble gases. This list is scattered all over. There’s no pattern with them. The weirdest part of this is that Z Boson isn’t a part of the periodic table. It’s an elementary particle.”

Tony rubs his beard in thought.

“We’re going to pretend like we know what that means,” Sam’s lips twitch. Excitement bubbles in his gut. Maybe tonight’s the night.

“What bosons are isn’t important. It’ll just go over your heads. I think he’s relaying a message to us. He was hoping we’d catch on to the odd man out of the group, being Z Boson. These words hold meaning in some way, I just know it,” Tony looks to the others.

“But why now? Why couldn’t he have done this before?” Sam asks. “It’s been a week.”

“Crow must’ve screwed up today or last night, and Peter found out his position or something we can go off of. If you wait long enough, a person will slip up. That’s why we’ve been watching this every night for clues,” Natasha studies the words.

“But what is the message?” Bucky asks. He’s yet to take his eyes off the kid.

“I don’t know,” Tony replies.

The group stay silent as they ponder this. Tony runs the mass to see if their numbers indicate a letter in the alphabet. Do they make something that hints what’s around him? What is the hidden message? Clint is the first one to speak up.

“What if it’s supposed to spell something out?” Clint suggests. “My kids have these shirts that spell out words using the periodic table symbols.”

Tony’s head snaps up, eyes wide. _Of course!_

“Clint, I don’t say this ever, and I doubt I ever will again in the future, but you’re a genius.”

“I’m not sure if I should be insulted or proud,” Clint pouts.

“Z Boson would be just _‘Z’_ and Iodine’s symbol is _‘I’_ …” Tony puts the puzzle pieces together. “Zion?”

“Zion? What’s that?” Steve asks.

“It’s a religious thing I’m pretty sure,” Natasha taps her chin in thought.

“It’s also a national park in Utah,” Wanda is on her phone, looking it up.

Bucky finally glances away from the screen. Crow is lopping off toes now.

“No. He’s not there. It’d be too easy of a place,” Bucky walks to the table to inspect the word. “We know Peter’s still in the United States. That’ll rule out many places. We’re looking for somewhere remote and has less attention to it. Somewhere we’d easily overlook.”

“FRIDAY, pull up cities named Zion that follow those guidlines,” Tony orders.

FRIDAY pulls up a map of the United States. Red dots scatter across the map, pinpointing Zions. The group lets out a breath they’ve been holding once FRIDAY finishes processing. There aren’t many Zions in America.

“There’s Zion, Illinois. Zion, Missouri. Zion, Kentucky. How are we going to figure out which one Peter’s in?” Wanda asks looking to Tony for the answers.

The older man doesn’t have any to give her. He supposes he could contact the X-Men, T’Challa, and other allies to help in the search, but that’ll take time to organize, and time isn’t something that’s on their side. Peter’s given them a lead, and Tony doesn’t want to mess it up. It’s a matter of time before Crow is notified of the tip Peter gave. If the sponsors are smart enough to keep Tony out of their systems, they’re smart enough to decode a simple equation.

Natasha eyes Clint who’s staring at Kentucky.

“You too then?” She stands beside the archer.

“Yeah,” Clint nods. “Peter’s in Kentucky.”

“What makes you so sure, Legolas?” Tony asks.

“His accent and slang. Crow says things with a specific twang to them. That’s a dead giveaway for where he’s from,” Clint winces when Peter screams again. He’s long since given up speaking his cryptic message.

“We’re going to have to go off of more than just his accent, bud. Country accents aren’t specifically in one state,” Tony says.

“Exactly, but there are words and phrases he says that also indicate his Kentucky origins,” Natasha backs Clint up. “It’s worth a shot.”

“It’s a stretch. A _huge_ stretch. Crow could’ve come from Kentucky, sure, but that doesn’t mean he’s there with Peter right now. We aren’t going on a wild goose chase because of some man’s accent.”

“Then where do you suppose we search first, Tony? Yeah, it’s hardly anything to go off of, but it’s _something_ for the first time in _weeks_ ,” Steve reasons. He just wants to search somewhere. Anywhere. Tony and Steve have a stare down, conversing silently. After a minute, Tony sighs in defeat and pinches the bridge of his nose.

“Fine, but if he’s not there…” Tony turns, and the hologram disappears. “FRIDAY continue playing the livestream in the jet. We need to stay updated on what’s happening with Peter. Also, notify Bruce on what’s happening.”

_“Very well, sir.”_

“Everyone suit up,” Steve orders.

The team disperses quickly to prepare. Everyone is left to their own thoughts as they perform the necessary rituals. Bucky puts on his black gear and makes sure he has every blade and gun on him. He stares at his bedside table where the Bionicle figurine Peter was working on before this all went down, is standing. Peter was right. Bionicles are pretty elaborate to make, but Bucky still managed to finish quite a few of them. He’ll have to rub it in Peter’s face once he’s back home.

A hand pats Bucky’s back. Steve.

“We’re gonna find him, Buck,” Steve’s in his Captain America outfit. Shield and all. “We’re gonna save him and never let go.”

“I know, Stevie. I know.”

 

* * *

 

The flight is silent as everyone readies themselves for the fight. The jet is going as fast as it can towards their destination. A monitor is displaying the livestream to keep track of Peter and to see if anymore hints will be given.

_“We’ll be approaching the town shortly. Approximately ten minutes,” FRIDAY announces._

“Okay, when we get to the town, we’ll break up into pairs and spread out to look for Peter. If you find him, contact us and wait before engaging,” Steve eyes everyone until they nod. “It’ll be me, Sam, and Tony. Clint and Natasha. Bucky and Wanda. Bruce stays here for medical response.”

“I have devices for each group that’ll notify you if FRIDAY’s picked up any of Peter’s vitals. His body temperature and heart rate differ from the average human, so there shouldn’t be any concern regarding a mix up,” Tony hands out the handheld devices to each group. When Tony tries to hand one to Wanda, she doesn’t acknowledge him.

“Little Red, now isn’t the time to be day dreaming,” Tony snaps his fingers in front of Wanda’s face.

“Oh my god…” Wanda covers her mouth in horror.

Everyone looks at the television and pales. Peter is screaming ‘six’ as he’s struggling to get away from Crow. The man is holding a centipede close to Pete’s ear. Then their hearts sank when Crow smiles devilishly and places it inside Peter’s ear anyways. Of all the things that have been done to Peter, the kid has never reacted this violently before.

“Get it out of him!” Sam says outraged.

“FRIDAY, can’t you make this thing fly any faster!?” Tony shouts.

Peter’s screams bubble out as laughter. The sound nearly makes Steve throw up. It’s going to haunt him and the others for the rest of their lives.

“Peter’s breaking,” Natasha points out. “He’s starting to lose it. We need to hurry.”

“I met people like that at Hydra. The experimentation became too much for them, and they became a danger to themselves and everyone around them. He could pose as a threat to our safety if he goes off too far from the deep end,” Bucky growls.

_‘I’m going to save you, Peter. I won’t let you break.’_ Bucky promises.

“This better be the right place,” Tony glares at Clint and Natasha.

_“Arrived,”_ FRIDAY sounds weary.

“Alright. Avengers let’s move!” Steve calls and everyone disperses.

The city isn’t even a city. It’s more like a brief stop in the middle of farm country. There are neighborhoods and so many backroads. It is the perfect place for something like a red room. The houses aren’t right next to each other for the most part, so there’s no issues of being too loud. Tony, Sam, and Steve went through one of the back roads that branch off into other backroads. Clint and Natasha are going through the neighborhoods. Wanda and Bucky are continuing down the main highway that cuts through Zion. Tony said that the highway should stop eventually into a dead end. Bucky and Wanda have the most scenic area to cover. The farms are scattered around on hills and valleys. Forests surround them from time to time. The wildlife is plentiful. They’ve come across so many deer. It’s beautiful.

“If we weren’t busy trying to find Peter, I’d really enjoy looking at the night sky,” Wanda tries to lighten the mood. Bucky’s been so focused on finding Peter, he hasn’t stopped to admire the scenery.

The ex-assassin looks up and would be mesmerized if it wasn’t for the dire situation. Without the light pollution, the stars are abundant and litter the sky. He can find Mars and Jupiter sparkling. The center of the milky way isn’t as easy to see like it would be in Montana, but it’s there. Peter would’ve liked to see this. It’s hard to get a good view of the night sky because of New York’s city lights.

“I agree,” Bucky says quietly and continues on down the road.

“Do you think Peter will be here?” Wanda tries to keep up with the soldier.

“He better be,” Bucky answers.

Wanda opens her mouth but then closes it. There’s nothing she could say that will make Bucky feel better. She knows hows much the kid means to Bucky. He’s taken on the father role more than Tony and Steve. A few beeps go off from the device in Bucky’s metal hand. The two look down at it, hearts racing.

_“Peter Parker detected.”_ FRIDAY’s voice sounds excited.

“Where?” Bucky breaks off into a sprint.

_“Keep heading east. There’s an abandoned building nearby that his vitals are being located at.”_

The two run as fast as they can. They’ve located him! Please let it be true! The building comes into view. The grass around it is long and unkempt. Some of the windows are shattered, and the walls are either covered in graffiti or vines.

“Are you sure he’s here, FRIDAY?” Wanda asks, looking around for any cameras or onlookers.

_“Scanners indicate that he’s below the ground. The building expands underground into a fully functioning facility and base. There are many other heat signatures down there, though, they’ve started disappearing,”_ FRIDAY sounds confused about the last bit.

“We need to call the others,” Wanda presses a button to her com. Bucky is walking closer to the building. “We’ve located him.”

_“Seriously!?”_ Tony’s voice is loud over the com. Wanda winces at the abrupt loudness.

_“Told ya so,”_ Clint says smugly. There’s a hint of relief in his voice.

_“We’re on our way. You two hang tight,”_ Steve’s motor cycle revs up, signaling he’s speeding back. There’s the sound of Tony’s and Sam’s suits in the background.

_“I can’t help but notice that Bucky’s silent,”_ Sam comments. There’s a pause.

_“Buck? Bucky, you there? Wanda, where is he?”_ Steve’s voice sounds worried.

“He was right next to me. Bucky?” Wanda looks around but he’s nowhere to be seen.

_“I went ahead,”_ Bucky’s voice half whispers.

_“Buck-“_

“I’m not waiting,” Bucky’s tone ends the argument.

_“Fine but be careful. We’ll be there shortly. Both of you keep us updated until we arrive,”_ Steve ends the chat and hurries faster. He should’ve known that Bucky would go off on his own. He doesn’t think.

Bucky enters the building and everything is just as dilapidated as outside. Holes in the walls. More graffiti. Cobwebs. Dust on leftover furniture that wasn’t taken out. Debris, rocks, and bricks lying on the cement floors. The soldier ventures deeper inside the building. He doesn’t bother climbing the remnants of stairs since FRIDAY said Peter’s below the ground. No doubt that if Bucky’s discovered, there are other escape exits Crow can take with Peter, so the wolf needs to be careful.  

_“There should be an elevator that leads down to the base,”_ FRIDAY’s voice whispers from the device.

“An elevator in an unstable place like this? Bold choice,” Bucky hums and finds said elevator.

It dings open. Bucky looks at the buttons. They read the typical numbers like any other elevator would, but there’s another button with a red square on it. Bucky nearly mistook that as an emergency button, but black letters of ‘ **RR’** are on it.

“I suppose you’d have easy victims if they wandered here not knowing of the consequences,” Bucky says. Everything seems too easy though.

Bucky pushes the button and the doors close slowly. He watches the numbers count down. The wolf unholsters a gun and has it on the ready. The seconds tick on forever. How will he approach Peter? If he’s completely lost it by the time he’s arrived, what then? Will it be a moment of insanity that’ll go away once Peter’s calmed down, or is it forever like the Joker from _Batman_? What if Peter becomes a villain after this? What if he stays the same? Bucky needs to get to Peter quickly.

The elevator dings again and opens up. It reveals a long corridor with lights every ten feet. They flash and buzz every so often. There’s not a soul to be seen. Bucky carefully steps out, gun aimed.

“Which way?” Bucky asks. There’s a long pause. “FRIDAY?”

The AI never answers. This place must mess up her functions. Looks like he’s alone with this.

Bucky quietly pads through the halls and creeps around the corners. He checks each room he comes across and curses when each one comes up empty. He doesn’t stop to think about why each room so far is coated red. It’s when he hears gunshots and screaming, that Bucky calls off all bets. He bolts towards the sounds, praying that Peter’s alright.

When he arrives, the battle’s already over. Men are scattered all over the ground, dead. It looks like a warzone. Further inspection shows a door open with bright lights on. Bucky charges in, ready to fight but stumbles a bit when there’s no one inside. This is definitely the room Peter was in. Bucky’s sure of it. So, where is he?

The smell in the room is totally rank. He’s never smelled anything like it before. Bucky covers his nose to drown out the pungent aroma. The avenger’s eyes catch dismembered hands and feet at the chair Peter resided in. The camera is broken beyond repair. A bag is lying on the ground. It says, “ _Zion Country Store_ ”.  Well, Bucky knows where Peter got the tip from.

“Jesus,” Bucky whispers, letting the room soak in.

There’s blood everywhere. Even on the ceiling. He doubts that Peter was allowed to use the restroom, so only lord knows what Peter’s body is like. Serum or not. Once he grabs Peter, he’s burning this place to the ground. Then, realization hits Bucky.

Where’s Crow and Peter if not here? Why are there men dead outside the door? Were they on Crow’s side or Peter’s? Are there others? Who killed them?

Dread hits the pit of Bucky’s stomach. He needs to find his kid, now.

_“Buck, we’re heading down now. Any luck on Peter?”_ Steve asks.

“There are dead bodies everywhere. I found Peter’s room, but he and Crow are gone. I’m not sure what happened. My guess is that Peter broke out,” Bucky runs through the corridor. Peter must be nearby. He has to be.

_“He broke out?”_ Sam asks.

“You don’t want to know how,” Bucky says.

_“Natasha, download information about this place. Find out Crow’s sponsors, who he’s taken, if there are others in on it, every viewer, anything you can find on this man.”_

_“On it,”_ Natasha calls.

“Crow! I finally found you!” Peter’s voice echoes from down the hall.

“I found him,” Bucky sprints, not listening to what the others say afterwards.

“You pushed. Pushed. Pushed. Unknowing of what kind of monster you were creating. You kept pushing me, Crow. You kept pushing me. I tried to tell you to stop. You should’ve listened,” Bucky catches the last half of what Peter was saying. The voice makes Bucky’s skin crawl. It sounds so cold yet bubbly.

Bucky rounds a corner and his heart freezes. Peter has definitely snapped. Crow is cowering as Peter approaches him. The teen has a wicked smile on his face that’s curling wider and wider. He’s covered in fresh blood as if he bathed in it. This isn’t Peter. This isn’t his kid. This is someone else.

“Where’s all that strength, Crow? Where’s all that snark? Where’s the man that lit me on fire? Where’s the man that skinned me like a grape?” Bucky watches in horror as Peter grabs Crow’s throat and lifts him in the air. “How many fingers am I holding up, Crow?”

Crow wheezes, throat being crushed in Peter’s strong grip. He’s scratching at Peter’s arms, only amusing the kid more. The blood vessels pop in Crow’s eyes, vein’s emerging on his skin. Peter’s smile grows. He’s planning on killing the guy. Not on his watch. Like hell he’s going to let Peter kill someone! Bucky growls and tackles the boy.

They tumble to the ground, and Crow is released. The man gulps in air and coughs. Peter hisses and bucks the soldier off of him. Bucky climbs back on and struggles to pin the spider down. His enhanced strength isn’t making the task any easier. The teen gets a few good hits in, but eventually, Bucky straddles Peter’s stomach and uses his metal hand to pin Peter’s wrists above his head.

Peter stares up at Bucky with glazed over eyes. He’s not sure if the kid recognizes him or not.

“Hey, bud. I think that’s enough of that. It’s time to calm down now,” Bucky tries for a gentle voice, so not to spook Peter further.

“He needs to die,” Peter cocks his head. He says this so casually.

“Killing people isn’t your M.O., punk. I don’t know what the hell you’re thinking,” Bucky keeps his eyes trained on Peter. Wild ones stare back. “Let me and the others handle him.”

“But I’ve already killed?” Peter turns his head to look at Crow. He’s still struggling to breathe. Peter giggles and tries to get out of Bucky’s hold.

“That was you who did that?” Bucky’s heart breaks. He’s let Peter down. Because of him, Peter was put in a situation where he had to kill people. Peter was put in a situation where he had to change and adapt in order to survive. He hangs his head in shame before looking back at Peter. His grip tightens on him. “Listen, you can relax. We’re here now. I’m not letting you go after Crow.”

“I want to kill him,” Peter isn’t listening to a word Bucky’s saying. His struggles are getting stronger. “I’m gonna kill him. I’m gonna kill! Kill!” Peter’s eyes become crazed. He’s buzzing with anticipation.

“No! You’re not going to kill him!” Bucky barks back, fighting to keep control of Peter until the others arrive.

“But it’d be like taking out the trash!” Peter’s giggling picks up again. “Isn’t this normal in the animal kingdom? Natural selection. If he dies because of me, it simply means that he was too weak and _stupid_ to survive!”

“This isn’t you, Peter. When you snap out of this, and you realize you’ve killed someone, it’ll break you.”

“I’m already broken!” Peter laughs. Bucky bites his lip to hold back a cry. Tears rim his eyes.

“Yes, and I’m sorry I couldn’t make it to you sooner. I’m so sorry, Peter,” Bucky’s voice cracks.

Crow crawls away from the two. Peter’s eyes widen, and he snarls.

“He’s getting away!” Peter’s legs kick around, trying to find purchase. Peter exerts even more energy. Bucky’s finding it hard to stay in place.

“If you kill him, you’ll be no better than him,” Bucky tries to reason. “I won’t let him die, not by your hand. Please, Peter, you need to calm down.”

“Then you’re in my way,” Peter’s bubbly voice becomes cold and deadly.

In a flash, Peter lurches up and bites into Bucky’s shoulder. He tears off a huge chunk of flesh and spits it out. Bucky screams in pain and lets go to cover the wound. An inch more and Peter would’ve bitten his throat out. Crimson liquid gurgles out in splats. It oozes through Bucky’s fingers. Peter slips out of from underneath the man and leaps after Crow. Bucky is quick on his feet and grabs Peter again. The blood on his hands make Peter slippery and hard to latch onto.

“You can’t kill him!” Bucky is desperately trying to keep Peter down.

“I’ve learned that killing is necessary to survive!” Peter throws punches and kicks. Bucky blocks them. As the fight drags on, Bucky’s wound tears further open. He’s probably running on pure adrenaline right now.

“That was never supposed to be a lesson for you to learn,” Bucky makes a quick apology and punches Peter. Maybe that’ll snap him back into reality. Peter is dazed at first before shaking his head. A hand grabs his temple. “Peter, you have to snap out of this! You can fight this. Come on, kid.”

His breathing picks up into short, quick breaths. Peter screams and pulls at his hair. He stumbles back into a wall. His pupils are blown huge. Crow is forgotten. His mind is tearing itself apart. Bucky makes a move and Peter’s head snaps up. Like a cornered animal, Peter lunges at Bucky but red energy appears and slams him back to a wall.

Bucky is surprised at first then turns his head. Wanda is sprinting towards him with the others behind.

“It’s about time you all showed up,” Bucky sighs in relief. “Crow took off down there.”

“I’m on it!” Clint runs past and disappears down the hallway.

Peter’s snarling but screams sometimes and slams his head back against the wall.

“My god,” Steve says in disbelief. This is the same Peter? The kid looks completely feral. Fresh blood is smeared and dripping from his jaw.

“When I get my hands on Crow,” Tony growls. Never in his life did he imagine he’d see the kid like this. Never in his life did he want to.

“Bucky, you’re injured!” Sam is at Bucky’s side. “You need medical attention immediately.”

“Wanda, can you enter his mind and try to calm him down?” Bucky pushes past Sam. Peter is his top priority. Peter comes before him.

“I can try,” Wanda keeps Peter restrained and closes her eyes. She focuses on Peter’s mind. She gasps, nearly releasing Peter. She’s almost sent right back out of Peter’s mind. It’s so dark. She can feel everything he currently is. “It’s like one huge panic attack that’s been dialed to the max but went even further. He’s in so much pain.” Wanda sniffs. “He’s in so much pain in every bit of the sense. He’s scared. I don’t know if I can get through to him.”

Bucky looks at the thrashing teenager, and his eyes soften. He walks to him.

“Bucky, you need to stay away from him until he calms down!” Steve panics.

“You know, when I first met you after coming to the compound, I thought you were some brat who was in over his head. I just knew you were going to get yourself killed. You’re a lot like Stevie after all. I didn’t need another punk to look after. But then you kept talking to me. You kept inviting me to hangout with you. You showed me things I missed out on. You kept begging to examine my arm. The light you shined into my life was overwhelming. It was too blinding. I tried to be cold to you. To make you go away, but you welcomed me, flaws and all. You gave me space but never left me alone. You didn’t look at me with pity. You treated me like a normal human being despite my past. You weren’t scared of me. You never ran away, and neither will I,” Bucky is standing toe to toe with Peter. His kid. “You hear that, punk? I’m not going anywhere. So you can hit me all you want, bite me all you like, and curse me to hell and back, and I’ll never let you fall further than this. Like hell I’m going to let you down a second time, kid.”

Peter bares his teeth at Bucky. Bucky clicks his tongue.

“You damn brat,” Bucky grabs Peter and squeezes him in a hug. Peter beats on the soldier. It’s like watching a kid hugging a cat that doesn’t want anything to do with said child. Bucky cups the back of Peter’s head with his flesh hand and cradles the brunette closer to him with the metal one. Peter’s ear is placed directly over Bucky’s heart. “It’s okay, now, Peter. I’m here now. It’s okay. Shh, you’re okay.”

When Steve makes to go towards them, Wanda holds a hand out to stop him. Bucky’s helping Peter. The teen’s mind settles when Bucky talks. He needs this.

“Causing me so much grief. Is this what’s going to happen every time we go out for pizza? Hm? What a punk. At least I managed to complete more bionicles than you, and you said I wasn’t ready for them,” Bucky doesn’t miss how Peter’s assaults slow down or how Peter starts leaning into Bucky’s frame. The wolf tightens his hold. “What am I going to do with you?”

“You…really finished one?” Peter’s voice croaks. Bucky smiles and pets Peter’s matted hair. He thanks god.

“Of course, I did. I may be from the forties, but that doesn’t mean I don’t understand how puzzles work,” Bucky says.

“Could’ve fooled me,” Peter makes a lighthearted jab.

“I see your sass hasn’t been taken away,” Bucky kisses the top of Peter’s head.

“Where… What happened?” Peter pulls away to look around. Bucky never lets Peter fully escape the hug. He finally got Peter back. Excuse him for being a bit clingy. Peter spots the others. Some attempt to smile, others keep their frowns. Bucky cups Peter’s cheeks and guides the kid to look at him.

“Peter, whatever happens, whatever you remember, know that it wasn’t your fault,” Bucky looks at Peter, wanting the kid to understand what he’s saying.

“What are you talking about? How did I get here? What happened to Crow?” Peter asks, voice wavering. His brown eyes slide down to Bucky’s wound. “Bucky, you’re hurt!”

“It’s fine, kid,” Bucky shakes his head with a smile. “Nothing old Bruce can’t patch up.”

Peter glances at the others again. The air amongst them doesn’t settle Peter in the slightest. There’s a horrible taste in his mouth and he bends over to the side to spit. Saliva mixed with blood hits the floor. Blood? Memories hit Peter. The centipede. Breaking out. The men. Crow. Attacking Bucky. Jesus, he attacked Bucky! He killed people!

“I hurt you,” Peter gasps. “Oh my god, I did this to you.”

“Like Bucky said, it wasn’t your fault. You weren’t in your right mind,” Tony tries to defuse the situation. His word choice probably didn’t help.

“I killed people…” Peter’s body is trembling. Bucky pulls Peter back into a hug.

“It’s not your fault. I promise you. Come on, let’s get you home. How does a hot shower and warm meal sound?” Bucky tries to change the subject.

 “I couldn’t have! I don’t kill people! I don’t,” Peter is in denial. He’s not paying attention to his surroundings. “I don’t…”

Everything catches up to Peter, and his eyes roll up. He collapses, but Bucky quickly catches him.

“Looks like fatigue finally caught up with him,” Sam offers to take Peter off Bucky’s hands. Bucky nestles Peter closer to him protectively. “If you carry Peter, your wound will only get worse, and we’ll have to carry the _both_ of you back to the jet.”

The soldier hates it when Sam brings logic into arguments. He reluctantly hands Peter over to the Falcon. Bucky feels the effects of blood loss hit him. He staggers a bit and Steve is there to support him.

“We found him, Stevie,” Bucky gives a tired grin. Steve returns it.

“We did,” is what Bucky hears as his eyes grow heavy.

_Their kid is coming home._


	7. Come Home to My Arms

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath. The sponsor. A question.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the support! <3
> 
>  
> 
> Follow me on Tumblr: @BrandNewWings

**Previously**

 

_“Where… What happened?” Peter pulls away to look around. Bucky never lets Peter fully escape the hug. He finally got Peter back. Excuse him for being a bit clingy. Peter spots the others. Some attempt to smile, others keep their frowns. Bucky cups Peter’s cheeks and guides the kid to look at him._

_“Peter, whatever happens, whatever you remember, know that it wasn’t your fault,” Bucky looks at Peter, wanting the kid to understand what he’s saying._

_“What are you talking about? How did I get here? What happened to Crow?” Peter asks, voice wavering. His brown eyes slide down to Bucky’s wound. “Bucky, you’re hurt!”_

_“It’s fine, kid,” Bucky shakes his head with a smile. “Nothing old Bruce can’t patch up.”_

_Peter glances at the others again. The air amongst them doesn’t settle Peter in the slightest. There’s a horrible taste in his mouth and he bends over to the side to spit. Saliva mixed with blood hits the floor. Blood? Memories hit Peter. The centipede. Breaking out. The men. Crow. Attacking Bucky. Jesus, he attacked Bucky! He killed people!_

_“I hurt you,” Peter gasps. “Oh my god, I did this to you.”_

_“Like Bucky said, it wasn’t your fault. You weren’t in your right mind,” Tony tries to defuse the situation. His word choice probably didn’t help._

_“I killed people…” Peter’s body is trembling. Bucky pulls Peter back into a hug._

_“It’s not your fault. I promise you. Come on, let’s get you home. How does a hot shower and warm meal sound?” Bucky tries to change the subject._

_“I couldn’t have! I don’t kill people! I don’t,” Peter is in denial. He’s not paying attention to his surroundings. “I don’t…”_

_Everything catches up to Peter, and his eyes roll up. He collapses, but Bucky quickly catches him._

_“Looks like fatigue finally caught up with him,” Sam offers to take Peter off Bucky’s hands. Bucky nestles Peter closer to him protectively. “If you carry Peter, your wound will only get worse, and we’ll have to carry the both of you back to the jet.”_

_The soldier hates it when Sam brings logic into arguments. He reluctantly hands Peter over to the Falcon. Bucky feels the effects of blood loss hit him. He staggers a bit and Steve is there to support him._

_“We found him, Stevie,” Bucky gives a tired grin. Steve returns it._

_“We did,” is what Bucky hears as his eyes grow heavy._

_Their kid is coming home._

 

* * *

 

The slow, steady beeps from the heart monitor echo off the walls of the medical room. Peter is lying in the bed without a blemish on his body. Any wounds he had prior have already healed. His nutrition and health have been gradually climbing back up to normal with the help of IVs pumping supplements into him. It’s been six full days, and the kid has yet to show any signs of waking up.  Bruce says that it’s all just a matter of time before he does. The team has been taking turns visiting him. May comes by when she can but being a nurse at the hospital means she’s on call for the majority of the time.

When the avengers aren’t sitting with Peter, they’re busy with other tasks. Clint and Natasha have been interrogating Crow relentlessly. The man refuses to budge, but that’s sure to change soon. Steve and Tony act like mothers nesting. Steve has been cleaning the compound nonstop, while Tony orders tons of things that Peter may want. Bucky refuses to leave the room for anything. His eyes never stop watching for signs of Peter waking up. When he stepped into the room, his face was clean and shaved, now it’s become a home to a scruffy beard. His wound is gone except for the faint white scar that was left behind.

Snuggled up with Peter is a white wolf plush toy. Wanda thought it’d be fitting for Peter. Clint wanted to get him a spider plush or a hawk plush, but Natasha smacked the back of his head. There are balloons and large stuffed animals (thanks to Tony) surrounding his bed. Every usable flat surface is covered in baked goods, flowers, and cards. But the item, the thing, that Peter grips onto the most, is Bucky’s metal hand. Anytime Bucky tries to let go of Peter’s hand, the punk’s grip gets tighter. Even unconscious, the brat is still so stubborn. Nice to know he’s still got some spunk left in him.

Bucky smiles and cards his flesh hand through Peter’s soft, clean hair. Getting the caked blood and human waste off of Peter was a challenge, especially with his hair. There were moments where they thought they were going to have to shave Peter’s head, it was so bad. The ex-assassin carefully nudges the teen over enough to be able to slide in the bed next to him. Bucky wraps an arm over Peter’s head, so it’s cradled against the soldier’s armpit and shoulder. Bucky nuzzles his nose into Pete’s brown curls and inhales. He’s so relieved that the kid’s safe now. He’s back home with his dysfunctional family. He’s not even going to think about the argument when Peter inevitably goes back out on patrols again. Best not ruin the moment right now.

The man holds Peter close to him, curls a bit, and closes his eyes. He’s not the only one who’s found comfort in holding Peter like this. Everyone’s always considered him their kid. Wanda sits next to him and soothes any distress Peter’s mind gives off. She sometimes will craft random things like rubber band bracelets or knit things like beanies. Natasha will lie next to Peter and tell him stories about her experiences in different countries. Like what foods he should try, laws and social things that are very different than in the United States, interesting activities, and funny stories. She’ll sing Russian lullabies when she runs out of things to talk about. Steve sits at the chair and sketches things that he knows Peter has an interest in. He’ll use watercolors to really bring it to life. Clint will sometimes bring in his kids because they’ve made Peter something like homemade cards. His kids look up to Peter and want Spider-Man to get well soon! Bucky wonders if Peter realizes how much he’s loved.

A knock at the doorway pulls Bucky out of his thoughts. He looks over and sees that Steve is at the door. He has a small, apologetic smile on his face.

“We need your help interrogating Crow,” Steve announces. Bucky frowns.

“I’m not leaving him,” Bucky grumbles.

“Buck, you need to leave the room sometime this week. It’s not good for your health to be like this,” Steve’s voice takes on his Captain America tone.

“Peter was locked in a room for nearly a month. I think I can handle it,” Bucky retorts. Steve winces at the sharp tone but stays stern.

“It’s not your fault, Bucky. You can’t keep blaming yourself. What happened that day, no one could’ve known,” Steve walks into the room and takes a seat beside the bed. “And if we don’t get information out of this guy, who knows how many people will suffer the same fate as Peter. We need you down there.”

“What are we going to do, Steve? What will happen when he wakes up? What if he’s too broken beyond repair?” Bucky’s voice is heavy.

“Then we fix him. I don’t know how we will, but we’re gonna try. We don’t give up on our own. And if it doesn’t work out the first time, we try again. No matter how hard we hit the bottom, Buck, you and I always somehow manage to find a way to come out on top, and I’ll be damned if we don’t drag Peter up there with us too,” Steve pats Bucky’s leg and stands. “Come on.”

Bucky looks at Steve before glancing at Peter.

“When he wakes up, you’ll be the first to know,” Steve promises.

Bucky nods and sighs. He wipes his face then gets out of the bed. He’s not sure if putting him in the same room as Crow is a good idea or not. Steve places a hand on Bucky’s back and escorts him out of the room. Wanda is waiting outside. As soon as they’re out of the way, Wanda scurries inside the room.

The two travel through the compound and go down several floors. When the elevators open they step out and are greeted by Nick Fury. He stands strong in front of the one-way glass, gazing inside the interrogation room. Natasha is currently wrapping things up.

“We have specially trained agents for this at SHIELD headquarters,” Fury says without looking back to see Bucky and Steve. “There’s no reason to hold him here.”

“Yeah, well this man has made things a little personal. Sorry if we want to vent out some steam first,” Steve walks up beside Nick.  “Find anything out about him?”

“His name is Julius Johnson. From Lexington, Kentucky. Forty-seven years old. He was a former children’s psychologist before showing signs of heavy mental instability and was stripped of his title. He was supposed to be sent to prison after beating an elderly woman to death in cold blood, but he fell off the radar before that could happen. He’s been wanted ever since. Julius isn’t married and has no kids. He’s been doing red room for nearly a decade now.”

“Jesus…” Steve whispers.

“And that was just from digging around on our own. This man is refusing to tell us how he was able to get the drop on Mr. Barnes and Peter Parker. Won’t reveal anything about this supposed sponsor of his. There’s no trace of them in any systems. No breath or hair. All payments must’ve been with cash and any communication must’ve been face to face or handwritten letters that were later burned. They made sure not to use anything digital since we’ll be able to trace it. They took extreme precautions,” Fury crosses his arms.

“His sponsor knew what they were doing. Probably paranoid of being found out in case something like this happened,” Bucky speaks up, narrowing his eyes at the man.

No longer masked, the man is revealed to be bald and have blue eyes. A dark beard outlines his jaw. He looks pretty average and bland.

“The only good thing to come out of this is that Tony was able to figure out each and every viewer’s identity. They’re being dealt with accordingly,” Nick says.

“The sponsor might be one of them then,” Steve injects almost excited.

“It’s a possibility, but I highly doubt it. If someone is this careful to not be tracked, then they wouldn’t make a rookie mistake like that,” Nick shakes his head. “My bet is that they paid Crow to handle Peter, and either had someone watch for them or left it alone.”

Natasha comes out and closes the door behind her. She rubs her temple. Maybe she’s losing her touch?

“We keep going round and round with this,” Natasha looks at the others. If she was surprised by the sudden addition of two super soldiers, she didn’t let it show. “Bucky, you’re up.”

“What could I do any differently?” Bucky furrows his brows. “You’re the best at this.”

“While that may be true, you have an air about you that naturally scares people,” Natasha shrugs.

“Thank you?” Bucky furrows his brows. He can’t really deny that statement.

“If there isn’t any progress after this, I’m taking him back to SHIELD with me,” Fury looks at them all. “We’ll continue Crow’s interrogation there and keep you posted.”

They nod.

Bucky glances once more through the window before squaring his shoulders and heading inside. The air in the room becomes drastically colder and deadly. The ex-assassin’s eyes are dull and lifeless, almost like the Winter Soldier. This man hurt his kid. He can hear every scream Peter made. Every beg. Every sniffle. Every cry. This man is going to pay.  Bucky walks to the table that Crow is sitting at. He’s handcuffed to the chair. Crow lifts his head from the table and smiles.

“Well if it isn’t the Winter Soldi-“ Crow never gets to finish. Bucky grabs the back of his head with his robotic hand and slams Crow’s face down against the metal table. There’s an audible crack from Crow’s nose. The ex-assassin yanks Crow’s head back up. Blood is smearing from his nose.

“If you value your life, you’re gonna start talking. Do you understand me?” Bucky’s voice is venomous. His face, expressionless. Even Natasha has to stop herself from taking a step back, and she’s not in the room with him. “Who is your sponsor?”

Crow turns his head to the side and spits out some blood but stays silent nonetheless. Bucky’s lips form a tight line and he slams his face down again.

“Who is your sponsor?” Bucky flips the table onto its side and drags Crow’s chair around so when Bucky slams his face down again, it’ll hit the corner. When there’s a beat of silence, Bucky prepares to repeat his actions. He does so with another satisfying crack. If several of Crow's teeth are spat onto the floor, Bucky never acknowledges it. 

This repetition never ends. It goes on for a while it seems before Crow breaks.

“Wait!” Bucky pauses his actions and waits for Crow to start talking. “I can’t tell you!”

“Oh, I think you can,” Bucky starts again but stops once more when Crow begs to hear him out. The soldier fixes the table and Crow’s position. He walks around the other side of the table, pulling out a hunter’s knife and stabs it into the center of the table, making a point. The knife stays in place directly in Crow’s line of sight.

“He’ll destroy me if I tell!” Crow never takes his eyes off of the knife. Occasionally, his eyes will glance at Bucky when the solder moves. The soldier looks at the glass, knowing the others are still watching. Crow slipped up. The sponsor is a man.

 “I think you should be more worried about what _I’m_ gonna do to you,” Bucky says calmly, looking back at Crow.

“You can’t kill me. I’m too important to kill. As long as I have invaluable information, you won’t kill me!” Crow shouts. Bucky grabs Crow’s shirt collar and lifts him up, chair included.

“Wanna bet? You put your hands on my kid. There’s no forgiving that. I don’t care if you’re the fucking president. If you hurt Peter, you’re mine,” Bucky’s promise was spoken in a voice made of ice. He lets go of Crow’s shirt collar. The man, still in chair, falls back into place.

“You don’t understand. He’s extremely powerful. What he can do to me will make your threats look like child’s play. He holds more power than Tony Stark. He will _destroy_ me,” Crow’s eyes are pleading. Funny. Where was Crow’s mercy when Peter gave him the same exact expression? Bucky grabs the knife’s handle and takes the blade out of the table.

“Have you ever heard of the knife game?” Bucky asks. “It’s where a person places a hand on a table or flat surface with their fingers spread out, and they stab the spaces in between them with a knife. They sing a song while doing so and each time they sing it, they move the knife faster. The goal is to not cut off the fingers you’re stabbing around. I’ve never lost a single game. If you don’t tell me what I want to hear, we’re gonna see if I can keep my record going. I’ll have to warn you, though, my eyesight isn’t what it once was.”

“I’ve already told you that I can’t talk,” Crow clenches his hands into white-knuckled fists.

“Then I guess we’re playing,” Bucky sits on the edge of the table beside Crow.

The man trembles and begs for Bucky to stop. Bucky stares at Crow for a long while. He searches for any deception. Any lies. He could push further, but he can tell that Crow won’t give anything up. He puts his knife away and exits the room.

“What are you doing? He’s close to breaking,” Steve asks. He’s a bit pale from watching Bucky’s interrogation. He almost forgot how cold Bucky can be when needed.

“He wouldn’t have talked. Whoever this guy is, he’s gotten Crow very tightlipped. We should probably go through every person Peter’s put away behind bars. It’s a start,” Bucky explains, pushing some strands of his hair back, out of his face. “He’s yours, Fury.”

Nick nods. They’re about to discuss more when FRIDAY interrupts.

“Excuse me for intruding, but Peter Parker is awake,” the ai sounds perky.

Everyone’s heads snap up to stare at the ceiling. Bucky’s heart races. He’s sure everyone else can hear it. Peter’s awake! Finally, awake! Natasha, Steve, and Bucky look at each other and run to the elevator. They don’t say anything as FRIDAY already knows what their destination is.

When he sees Peter, he’s going to grab him and hide him away from the rest of the world. He’s going to smack the back of Peter’s head and tell him to never scare Bucky like that again. The soldier will show off his Bionicle collection and gloat. Bucky found these old Bionicle movies that Peter might take an interest in, so the two will have a movie night in the comfort and safety of their own home. But most of all, he wants to make sure Peter’s okay.

There’s a huge commotion from outside Peter’s room. Bucky can hear Tony’s voice and Clint’s teasing tone. Bucky’s steps get faster when he hears Peter’s laughter. It sounds angelic. The kid can still find a reason to laugh after everything that’s happened to him. That’s good. Very good.

The white wolf turns the corner and Steve and Natasha stop behind him. Clint has Peter in a headlock, messing up the kid’s hair. Tony looks like he’s grown five grey hairs already. Wanda is showing Peter the things she’s made. Sam is standing there smiling at the scene. Natasha slides past the super soldiers and joins the group. Peter’s smile brightens the room. His laughter is a breath of fresh air and calm.

“You gave us one hell of a scare, kid,” Clint has a huge grin on his face, still tussling with Peter.

“I think Tony here nearly drank himself to death,” Sam chuckles, pointing at said man with his thumb. “Don’t get me started on how many sandbags Cap went through.”

“Or how many bags of flour _you_ went through, Wilson,” Steve laughs and enters the room, leaving Bucky in the doorway.

“Mr. Captain America, sir!” Peter’s eyes are wide. He’s still just as star struck as the first time they met. Steve smirks.

“Geez, kid, you make me feel so old when you call me that,” Steve places a hand at the back of Peter’s neck and gives a light squeeze.

“Join the club. He calls me Mr. Stark despite telling him to call me Tony,” Tony shakes his head in exasperation.

“Sorry, Mr. Stark,” Peter apologizes. Tony groans and the team laughs. Peter’s cheeks are red from embarrassment, but he laughs with them.

“You better eat every bite of food I made you,” Sam says.

“If he did that, he’d be in a sugar coma. I don’t think it’d be possible,” Clint gives a deadpanned look. “Peter, our kitchen straight up looks like a scene from _Charlie and the Chocolate Factory_. Sam need to be stopped.”

“More like Mr. Wilson needs to be _supported_ ,” Peter giggles.

“Then Buck over there has filled your room to the brim with Bionicle figurines. I’m not sure if there are any sets left out there that he hasn’t completed,” Steve nods in Bucky’s direction. Peter turns his head to look at the soldier. Bucky takes that moment to walk inside the room.

“And you said I wouldn’t have the patience for them. Have a little respect for your elders,” Bucky puts his hands on his hips. “I swear. I’ve done so many Bionicles now, I think I’m set for life.”

When Peter doesn’t fire back with some witting remark, Bucky’s smile falters a little. Everyone else notices Peter’s silence and glances at him.

“Peter, you okay?” Bucky takes a step towards his kid. He freezes when Peter speaks. His heart drops to his stomach. Everything crashes down around him. 

“I’m sorry, but…do I know you?”


	8. Pink Shoelaces

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Sometimes to stay alive you gotta kill your mind." - Twenty One Pilots

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all the support!
> 
> [ Disclaimer: Though I am going to school majoring in Psychology, I am by no means an expert in the field. Far from it. So everything you read ahead shouldn't be taken as 100% absolute truth. This work IS fiction and isn't going to follow everything by the book. Thank you. <3 ]
> 
> Follow me on Tumblr: @BrandNewWings

**Previously**

_“You better eat every bite of food I made you,” Sam says._

_“If he did that, he’d be in a sugar coma. I don’t think it’d be possible,” Clint gives a deadpanned look. “Peter, our kitchen straight up looks like a scene from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Sam need to be stopped.”_

_“More like Mr. Wilson needs to be supported,” Peter giggles._

_“Then Buck over there has filled your room to the brim with Bionicle figurines. I’m not sure if there are any sets left out there that he hasn’t completed,” Steve nods in Bucky’s direction. Peter turns his head to look at the soldier. Bucky takes that moment to walk inside the room._

_“And you said I wouldn’t have the patience for them. Have a little respect for your elders,” Bucky puts his hands on his hips. “I swear. I’ve done so many Bionicles now, I think I’m set for life.”_

_When Peter doesn’t fire back with some witting remark, Bucky’s smile falters a little. Everyone else notices Peter’s silence and glances at him._

_“Peter, you okay?” Bucky takes a step towards his kid. He freezes when Peter speaks. His heart drops to his stomach._

_“I’m sorry, but…do I know you?”_

* * *

 

“I’m sorry, but…do I know you?”

Those words leave the room speechless. After everything that’s happened, why _would_ the team get a break? Why would they? Steve looks at Bucky to gage his reaction. The soldier is frozen in his spot, smile plastered on his face, but Bucky’s eyes are hazy from unshed tears.

“That’s not a very funny joke, Pete,” Clint scolds. “And I would know. I’m the prince of comedy.”

“You’re not the prince of comedy. You’re the prince of I’ve-fucked-up,” Tony rolls his eyes.

“Guys, language,” Steve stares the two men down. He looks back at Peter. “Son, don’t you remember, Bucky?”

“I don’t…” Peter’s at a loss for words. He looks at Bucky again and tries to focus on the man. He goes through his memory banks but there’s nothing there. The teen squeezes the wolf plush toy closer absentmindedly.  “I’m sorry. I don’t.”

“But he’s-“ Sam holds up a hand to cut Steve off.

“Mind giving us a moment alone?” Sam asks the others.

The group nods and files out of the medical room. Bucky is still in shock. How could the kid forget him? After everything they’ve done together? Peter remembers Steve, Tony, and Clint. Why is Bucky the only one he’s blacked out? How much has he blacked out? That would explain his calm demeanor upon waking up. Realistically, Peter should be screaming and crying to the heavens. He should be having panic attacks and meltdowns. This. This isn’t what Bucky was expecting. No one was.

Steve grabs the back of Bucky’s neck and gives it a squeeze. Trying to give as much support to his friend as he can. Natasha gives the ex-assassin a sympathetic look.

Is this how Steve felt when Bucky didn’t recognize him? What an awful feeling. It’s like the whole world has shattered around Bucky. All those memories, all those feelings and emotions, all those secrets, all that time bonding is gone. Blown away like dandelions, only there’s no wish to be had here. Bucky hates stories where a character forgets the main character. It’s such an unbearable emotion that’s evoked from him. Like the movie, _The Notebook_ , when that particular thing happened, Bucky stopped watching the movie. He just can’t deal with that. Now, he’s living that situation. Maybe he should’ve continued those movies so he’d know how to deal with this.

He doesn’t want Peter to forget him. He can always try to spark memories, but that could hurt Peter. Bucky could and _will_ reform that close bond, but it won’t be the same. That huge gap will always be there between them.

Sam waits for the door to close before interrogating Peter. The teen looks very confused about everyone’s behavior. He looks lost. Sam can’t blame the kid, he would be too if put in Peter’s situation. The older man sits at the foot of Peter’s bed.

“So, Peter, how are you feeling?” Sam asks.

“Okay, I guess. I’m still confused about what’s going on,” Peter frowns, brows furrowed in concern. “I don’t want to come across as rude to Mr. Bucky.”

“Don’t worry. You’re not. He’s a reasonable guy. We just thought you’ve met him before from missions and the lot,” Sam chuckles and pats Peter’s foot. He hopes the lie is believable.

“Oh. That makes sense. I must’ve been really wrapped up in the missions to not remember meeting him,” Peter laughs awkwardly, rubbing the back of his head. He’s so quick to believe an obvious lie. His mind is fast to inject a reasoning behind it.

“I guess so. Anyways, I’m going to perform a short mental test to make sure you’re all there,” Sam smiles. “What happened before what happened _happened_?”

Sam makes sure to not include anything that Peter might’ve forgotten. He’ll let Peter tell the story.

“Um…” Peter taps his chin in thought. “I was building bionicles. I decided to go out and eat something. I could’ve ordered in, but something was telling me that I needed fresh air. While I was out, I got ambushed by these men, and found myself at their base.”

“What happened at the base?” Sam urged. He’s scrolling through different things in his mind about what’s going on with Peter. He’s bracing for a potential breakdown. In case Peter’s memories flood back.

“This man tried to torture me, but he was such an amateur. He kept trying to stab me with blunt knives and would poke me in the eye like some three stooges act,” Peter snorts. “Of course, he hurt me, I’m in a medical room, but it was almost painful from how awkward the man was.”

“Did this man have a name?” Sam hums.

“Yes, it’s…” Peter pauses. He opens his mouth then closes it. He does this several times. Sam narrows his eyes.

“It’s not important. We have him in custody anyways,” Sam stops Peter from pushing his memories too much. “Do you remember how you escaped?”

“That’s where it gets a little fuzzy. I remember breaking free from my restraints when the man underestimated me. When he ran, I tried to follow after him, but there were these huge hounds guarding the hallways. I didn’t have a choice. It was them or me. I had uh to um…I had to kill them.”

Sam watches Peter shift uncomfortably in his bed. Not men anymore, but dogs that Peter killed. Interesting. He’s just about narrowed it down.

“Don’t feel bad, Peter. No one blames you for what you did. What happened next?”

“I found the man. Then…It’s weird actually,” Peter shakes his head with a snort.

“What?” Sam is on the edge of his seat literally. This is where Bucky intercepted Peter. It’s crucial.

“A huge, white wolf tackled me. It wasn’t malicious or anything like that. It tackled me and let that man get away. It just came out of nowhere. Kinda frustrating, but very magical in a sense. I hurt the wolf trying to go after the man, then you guys showed up. I must’ve passed out if I’m waking up here,” Peter finishes.

Despite how bizarre that story is, Peter believes it whole heartedly. Sam glances down at the white wolf plush in Peter’s arms. Bucky became a literal white wolf in Peter’s mind. It’s almost like dissociation, yet Sam doesn’t believe it’s that. Not entirely at least. He’s sure there may be forms of it as Peter tries to heal from the traumatic event, but what’s happening now isn’t dissociation. It’s two different things entirely.

“Oh yeah. The white wolf. I remember seeing it, but it ran off before we could do anything about it. I’m sure it’s still around though. I’m glad to have you back, Peter. We all are,” Sam stands up and goes to the door. “That’ll be all. Do you need anything before I leave you with Tony?”

“No, I think he’ll fuss enough anyways. I’ll leave the doting to him,” Peter snickers. Sam smiles and winks at the teen.

“I understand. Get some rest, Peter. I’ll stop by to visit later,” Sam opens the door.

“See ya, Mr. Wilson!”

Sam shakes his head in amusement. What a kid. He closes the door behind him and faces the others. He glances back at the door for a quick second before signaling them to go somewhere else. If they spoke here, Peter would undoubtedly hear them. With Peter’s condition, it needs to be dealt with carefully.

The group goes up to the debriefing room. They take their seats around the table. Sam stands in front of them all with a heavy heart. Where to begin…?

“So, what’s going on, birdman?” Tony breaks the silence. Sam looks at the group, spending a few seconds on each face. He takes a deep breath through his nose.

“Have you guys ever watched that old tv show, _M*A*S*H*_?” Sam begins.

“Now isn’t the time for recommending the classics. What’s wrong with Peter?”

“If you’d let me talk, I would tell you,” Sam snaps at the older man. “There’s this episode where a character named Hawkeye tells this woman to quiet her baby. It kept crying and freaked Hawkeye out. The cries would reveal their position to the enemy, so he kept telling the mother to quiet her baby. Hawkeye noticed how immediate the baby stopped crying and turned around. The mother was crying, and the baby in her arms was motionless, quiet, and very much dead. Hawkeye felt so guilt stricken and traumatized by this that his mind altered the memory so that instead of a baby being smothered by its mother, it’s a chicken being smothered by a woman. It’s still just as sad, but not nearly as horrifying to Hawkeye. This is a form of memory distortion and the same thing is happening to Peter. Peter recalled being tortured but instead of getting stabbed and all the other horrific things done to him, he remembers getting jabbed at by blunt blades. Instead of humans he killed, they were dogs. Instead of Bucky he hurt, it was a wolf. His mind has constructed false memories as to protect itself from what truly happened.”

“But why would he forget me and no one else?” Bucky asks, trying to remain strong.

“He underwent so much torture, so that’s strike one. He then finds out that he’s murdered people. Strike two. His mind was probably already in the works of protecting itself, but then you happened. He hurt you. Made you _bleed_. That must’ve been too much at once. Strike three. Wiping you from his memories would be the best course of action at protecting himself from the trauma. You were more involved during these events than the rest of us. We showed up later. You were there. You are a part of the events and memories, Bucky. If he remembered you, that’d create an opening in his mind to remember what truly happened.”

“What do we do then?” Steve asks, looking away from his best friend. He knows they’re going to get through this. There was a time that Bucky forgot, and he remembered. So can Peter.

“It’s hard to say. False memories like this usually happen to victims of abuse and war. If left alone, sometimes the true memories come back, but sometimes they never do. As for repressed memories, psychologists have been debating its existence for years. I guess we finally know it can happen, but that’s unknown territory. I say we give it a few days to see if the memories will come back on their own. If they don’t, we will cross that bridge when we get there. Even though he doesn’t remember the exact events, he may show anxiety over things that could make him remember, like syringes or knives. Every person who goes through this is different. The best we can do is be there for him, and when those memories return, be ready,” Sam presses his hands against the table and leans. “There’s one thing that Peter’s mind couldn’t doctor up, and that’s the name of his captor. He kept trying to remember but nothing would come to him. That may be the key.”

“Understood. We will take precaution around Peter-“

“No, be yourselves. Don’t tiptoe around him. He’s not stupid. He’ll know if something’s off. Besides, no one like being treated like glass after an event. Normalness is what Peter craves the most right now,” Sam frowns.

“I’m going to go see, Underoos. Don’t wait up,” Tony tries to come across as nonchalant, but everyone can see the worry lines creasing his forehead.

Steve sighs then looks at Bucky. He’s hunched over in his seat The man has been silent with his head down ever since he asked Sam his question. His hands are balled up into fists in his lap. They’re trembling. Bucky’s long hair is hanging down, obscuring the soldier’s face. If Steve could see it, he’d notice how Bucky’s eyes are piercing and angry. He’d know that Bucky’s fists aren’t shaking because of sadness, but from insatiable fury.

The ex-assassin mentally checks to see if he has all of his _items_. His mind is racing five thousand miles a second. Bucky is acutely aware of everyone’s eyes on him. He can hear Natasha whispering to Clint who whispers back. He can feel Wanda trying to pry into his mind. A quick glare in her direction makes the young witch stumble. A hand on his shoulder causes Bucky’s body to lock up. He swats it off and stands up. The force pushes the chair backwards and onto the floor with a loud slap. The abrupt action makes the others stand up with him.

“Bucky?”

“You okay?”

The wolf ignores their concern and walks out of the room. He has a newly acquired mission. Peter’s forgotten him. He’s been hurt so bad that his mind felt the need to forget Bucky. Of course, that’s all Bucky’s fault. If he hadn’t dropped his guard enough for Peter to injure him, then maybe this wouldn’t have happened. Bucky’s fucked up. But so has a certain man.

“Bucky!” Steve chases after him. “Wait up! You need to calm down!”

“I am calm. I just want to talk,” Bucky states evenly. He never slows his pace. He looks straight ahead.

“Talk? Talk to who?” Steve asks. Bucky never answers. He’s too lost in his grief and rage.

The solder stops at a door and slams it open. It’s a stairwell. An elevator would be to slow. Bucky grabs the railing and throws himself over the side, dropping like an anvil. Steve shouts after him, but Bucky tunes it out. He counts the floors he passes and latches onto the railing again when he reaches his destination. The ex-assassin climbs over the warped metal and vaguely hears Steve marching down the steps above him.

Bucky shoulders through the door, shattering it. The wood splinters and crumbles. He storms down the hallway until he sees his target. Nick Fury and his team are escorting Crow towards the elevator. Nick turns around, eyes slightly widen at the sight of Bucky. Bucky never takes his eyes off of Crow.

“Mr. Barnes?” Nick steps in front of Crow, blocking Bucky from his sight. “How’s Parker?”

“Change of plans. That man is coming with me,” Bucky says. He ignores Nick’s question about Peter.

“I can’t allow that. He’s under our jurisdiction now,” Nick squares his shoulders.

“Too bad,” Bucky raises his vibranium arm.

“Buck!” Steve shouts. He reaches the group, panting. “You need to calm down. You’re not thinking straight.”

“I already said that I am calm,” Bucky lowers his arm and shoves past Nick. The three agents back off when Bucky approaches them. Smart.

Crow looks at Bucky with huge eyes. He’s terrified of the Winter Soldier. Nick goes to stop Bucky, but the larger man grabs Crow by the chains that attach his handcuffs together and pulls him close. The super soldier unholsters a gun and aims it at Crow’s head. Nick and Steve hold out their hands, palms facing Bucky.

“Buck, put the gun down. We can talk this out,” Steve says. He takes a step towards them, but Bucky presses the gun into Crow’s temple more.

“He made Peter forget me,” Bucky’s voice is soft.

“I know, but we can make him remember again. I told you, we don’t give up on our own,” Steve tries for a smile.

“I’m not giving up on Peter, but this man will answer to me and the crimes he’s committed,” Bucky backs towards the elevator and pushes a button, never breaking eye contact nor lowering the gun. “He hurt Peter.”

“Mr. Barnes, if you kill this man, we won’t have a way to track down the sponsor,” Nick says, reaching for his own gun. Bucky, quick to see this, takes the safety off. Nick stops moving.

“I just want to talk to him. That’s all.”

“Then talk to him here. Right now,” Nick challenges. Bucky smirks.

“I can’t do that.” The elevator dings and Bucky and Crow enter it.

“Bucky!” Steve shouts as the doors close.

“Please don’t kill me,” Crow weakly begs Bucky as they travel up.

Bucky says nothing in return. The silence is suffocating. When the elevator dings again, Crow jumps. The doors open, revealing the rooftop of the compound. Bucky shoves Crow out. The man loses his footing and falls over. The cement scrapes his skin, smearing blood on the pavement.

Crow rolls onto his back and stares up at the towering man. He’s glaring down at Crow like you would a fly. Bucky aims his gun at Crow. The restrained man whimpers, crawling half dragging himself away. Bucky simply follows after, never lowering the gun. His lips are straight, neither frowning nor smiling. Indifferent. This man took Peter away from Bucky.

“He was just a boy,” Bucky speaks up. “He didn’t know anything yet. He was still so innocent and full of life. He had dreams and ideals that were better than any of ours. He hasn’t gotten to live yet. He hasn’t experienced true love or had sex. He doesn’t know the thrill of getting drunk and the regret of having a hangover. He hasn’t gone to college. Hasn’t graduated high school. Hasn’t had a girlfriend. He never knew what taking life was like. He believed in other alternatives. It was never just black and white. He believed in the grey, and you took that away from him! You took all of that away from him! Now when he pursues his life, he’ll always do it with a hesitation that shouldn’t be there. He will never be how he was before you took him!”

Bucky pistol whips Crow before kicking him in the gut.

“You took a child who’s done nothing wrong and destroyed him in the name of money and fun. You’re a despicable, lowly, inhuman scum that doesn’t deserve to live,” Bucky keeps kicking Crow’s abdomen until there’s a satisfying crunch of broken ribs. He’s drowning in his thirst for revenge.

“Show mercy!” Crow begs.

“Mercy? _Mercy_? You’ve got to be kidding, right? As if I’d show mercy to someone like _you_ ,” another kick. “How many people have you killed? How many families are out there wondering where their son is? Why their mom never came back? How many people have you shown _mercy_ too?”

Bucky moves on to stomping on Crow. The man is coughing up blood and wheezing.

“Why Peter? Why did your sponsor want Peter? What did he do to deserve their attention? Who is your sponsor? God dammit, he’s just a boy! He’s more precious to me than anyone else, and you took him from me,” Bucky aims his gun and fires at Crow’s leg. The man screams and curls up on himself. “You’re more pathetic than a worm. You’re all talk until it’s time to really fight.”

The elevator alerts Bucky of incoming visitors. Steve walks out with his shield in hand. Nick Fury has his gun on the ready. No doubt, others are coming.

“Put the gun down, Barnes,” Nick orders. “I won’t hesitate to shoot you.”

“Let’s not shoot anyone, please. Buck, please,” Steve asks.

“He doesn’t deserve to live. He’s taken too much from Peter. Done too much to Peter.” Bucky is back to aiming the gun at Crow’s head. Bucky’s breathing picks up.

“You aren’t the judge, jury, and executioner, Barnes. That’s not your call,” Nick says, creeping closer to the ex-assassin.

“If you kill this man, our questions will never have answers. Killing him won’t bring Peter’s memories back. You’re better than this, Buck,” Steve coaxes.

The war inside Bucky is getting stronger. He’s so conflicted. He wants his revenge, but that’s a slippery slope. Is it worth having this man’s blood on his hands forever?

“I’m not,” Bucky puts his finger on the trigger.

“Okay! Okay. Then think about Peter. He wouldn’t want you to do this,” Steve tries again, desperately.

“He doesn’t know me anymore. I doubt he’ll care,” Bucky’s eyes glaze over.

“You’re wrong! So totally wrong! He does know you. He was still cradling that wolf plush toy when we left his room! He loves you very much, Bucky. He did things for you without you even knowing. He’s come to me before, asking what you would do in situations that he found himself in. He has asked what he should get you for your birthday and Christmas. He asks what your interests are. Peter listened to the _Chordettes_ because he thought you’d enjoy a slice of home. He has a whole playlist dedicated to you. He adores you, Bucky. Don’t let him down,” Steve can feel the familiar sting of tears being suppressed.

“That’s all I’ve managed to do lately,” Bucky chuckles bitterly. He’s aware of how close Nick has gotten. Crow’s eyes look hopeful and that pisses Bucky off to no end.

“You’ve always done right by that kid, Buck. Never think otherwise,” Steve reassures. “Now, drop the gun and let’s go back inside. It’s been a long day.”

Bucky stares at Crow with a fierceness. He hears all the times Peter’s called Bucky’s name. That bright smile and giggle. How his cheeks blush in pride and happiness. Those adoring eyes that crinkle when he plots mischief. Memories swirl around. Tears pool and fall from Bucky’s eyes.

_‘Bucky!’_

_‘Heya, Buck!’_

_‘Putting magnets on your arm is the equivalence of a temporary tattoo!’_

_‘Love ya, old man!’_

_‘Wolf!’_

_‘Bucky.’_

_‘Bucky!’_

_‘Do I know you?’_

Bucky clenches his eyes shut and screams in pain and grief. He presses the trigger and Crow is no more. Blood and brain matter splatter all across the roof and onto Bucky. The red haze of rage clears from Bucky’s vision and is replace with regret. The ex-assassin shakes as he processes what he’s just done. He drops the gun and backs away from the body.

“Oh, Bucky…” Steve whispers sadly. He closes his eyes.

“He hurt, Peter,” was the only excuse Bucky could give. He looks at Steve, lost at what to do.

“Tell me, Barnes, is that the excuse you’ll give when you answer to the families who lost their loved ones to this man? Your selfishness has cost them closure. Has cost us answers to prevent this sponsor from reaching out to another red room. Was it worth it?” Nick puts his gun away.

Bucky is silent as the director walks back to the elevator. The soldier looks at the ground before looking up at Steve. The captain shakes his head in disappointment.

“I’m sorry,” Bucky tries.

“I know you are,” Steve says in defeat and joins Nick in the elevator. The two leave Bucky alone on the rooftop with the man he just shot dead.

What has he done?


	9. Like a Baby

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I'm only human after all. Don't put the blame on me." - Rag'n'Bone Man

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the support! <3
> 
> Follow me on Tumblr: @BrandNewWings

**Previously**

_Bucky clenches his eyes shut and screams in pain and grief. He presses the trigger and Crow is no more. Blood and brain matter splatter all across the roof and onto Bucky. The red haze of rage clears from Bucky’s vision and is replace with regret. The ex-assassin shakes as he processes what he’s just done. He drops the gun and backs away from the body._

_“Oh, Bucky…” Steve whispers sadly. He closes his eyes._

_“He hurt, Peter,” was the only excuse Bucky could give. He looks at Steve, lost at what to do._

_“Tell me, Barnes, is that the excuse you’ll give when you answer to the families who lost their loved ones to this man? Your selfishness has cost them closure. Has cost us answers to prevent this sponsor from reaching out to another red room. Was it worth it?” Nick puts his gun away._

_Bucky is silent as the director walks back to the elevator. The soldier looks at the ground before looking up at Steve. The captain shakes his head in disappointment._

_“I’m sorry,” Bucky tries._

_“I know you are,” Steve says in defeat and joins Nick in the elevator. The two leave Bucky alone on the rooftop with the man he just shot dead._

_What has he done?_

* * *

 

The death of Julius Johnson, aka Crow, left everyone with a bittersweet feeling. There’s the relief of his terror being no more. Peter’s been avenged as well as everyone else who’s suffered by that vile man’s hand. The threat is gone, but not completely. That sponsor is still out there, possibly paying more monsters like Crow to perform atrocious acts. Rhodey, Vision, and Scott have been teaming up with SHIELD to track down the viewers and arrest them. None of their interrogations have been proven fruitful in tracking down the sponsor. They only know that the sponsor is a ‘he’ and has incredible power.

Bucky has been dealing with Nick Fury’s heat after shooting Crow. The avengers are keeping a careful eye on their white wolf in case he decides to go off again. Bucky locked himself in his room, sulking, after the incident.

Peter’s condition has gotten better, physically. His sunken cheeks look plumper and his skin is no longer pasty and sick. As for Peter’s memories, nothing’s come up. There’s no progress happening. He still doesn’t remember the events correctly, still doesn’t remember Bucky. When Bruce finally gives his consent of letting Peter out of bed, the spiderling is quick to jump out. Since then, Peter is always flanked by an avenger. It’s usually Steve or Tony. Peter swears that since befriending the team, he’s gotten two dads and a ton of aunts and uncles. They are scared to leave Peter alone. They want to make sure that he’s still there with them. Peter will occasionally bump into Bucky, who smiles and teases him. The ex-assassin is still trying to cope with the recent events like everyone else. He tries to be in Peter’s life like before, but it hurts Bucky. He doesn’t know how to interact with Peter now, so he keeps his distance until needed.

Tony has told May everything that’s happened since Peter’s woken up. He believes that it’d be much safer if Peter lives at the compound for the time being. There’s no telling what would happen if Peter remembered everything while in front of May. He might be violent and get May hurt or worse. May was reluctant to agree but saw Tony’s point with the help of Sam’s guidance.

Now, Peter and Tony are sitting on the couch in the common room watching _Lord of the Rings_. Peter nearly had a heart attack when he found out that Tony’s never seen it. Tony’s excuse was that the movies were too long, and he never had the time to watch them. So here they are, having a marathon. Steve is in the kitchen, cooking them dinner. The rest of the team is busy with their own stuff and won’t be joining them tonight.

“I’m going to recreate that dragon firework,” Tony says with a mischievous glint in his eyes.

“While I would love that, I don’t think New York would be able to handle it,” Peter hums.

“Too late. FRIDAY, put the dragon firework on my To-Do list,” Tony speaks a little louder for the AI to hear.

“ _Right away, sir_ ,” FRIDAY chirps happily.

“Damn rich people,” Peter grumbles followed by a snort.

Tony is lounging against the arm of the couch with Peter laying on top of him. He’s tucked between Tony’s side and the couch. It took some maneuvering and reassurances to get Peter comfortable, but it worked. Peter’s face was red from embarrassment for the first thirty minutes of the movie, but he’s relaxed since then. The teen lays his head against Tony’s chest with his arms around the older man’s middle. Peter’s wolf plush is snuggled under his jaw. Tony uses one bent arm as a makeshift pillow for himself, while his other arm wraps around Pete’s shoulders. His hand plays with Peter’s brown mop of hair off and on. Steve at one point came over and draped a huge, fluffy blanket over them. Peter can’t deny that he might’ve dozed off here and there. He feels so comfortable. This moment is safe and warm. Peter inhales the older man’s scent. It smells of oil and coffee, but it’s a scent associated with home. The teen feels like he’s floating. Not a single negative thought is appearing in his mind right now. Peter makes a content noise and snuggles closer to Tony. The man hugs him closer in response.

Tony glances down at the boy in his arms every so often and smiles. Holding the kid like this is a huge solace for the Stark. He knows that this is real. Peter is actually alive and, in his arms, safe.

Steve watches them with a fond expression and flips the steak over before it could start burning. If anyone was told that Steve was cooking a small dinner, they’d probably laugh, but it’s true. He and Peter eat way more than the average person. If that same person saw a regular night with all of the avengers eating together, they’d understand the difference in quantity. The soldier begins chopping veggies for a salad.

“You remind me of Merry and Pippin,” Tony says with a chuckle.

“They’re more like Clint if you ask me, but your comparison is warranted. I’m usually the one who gets into trouble,” Peter shrugs. “Clint’s better at not getting caught.”

“He has years of experience, kid. You’ll get there one day,” Tony pats Peter’s back. “I have to admit that I love the music in this movie.”

“Yeah! I do too! My favorite is “ _Concerning Hobbits_ ” but I also like Rohan’s theme with the violin, but you’ll hear it in the next movie,” Peter smiles. “Aunt May, Uncle Ben, and I used to watch these movies all the time. It brings back good memories. I’m going to get a tattoo of the map symbol for the Shire someday.”

“A tattoo? Peter-“ Steve’s becoming mother Steve now.

“Oh hush, grandma. In today’s world, it’s almost expected of people to get at least one whole tattoo sleeve before they’re thirty,” Steve rolls his eyes at that exaggeration. “Besides, if it means a lot to him, then what’s the harm?”

Steve sighs in defeat and looks at one of his many pans on the stove. He blinks once. Twice. There was nothing in it before except salt, but now it’s liquid-like.

“So, I managed to melt salt,” Steve begins, looking at the two superheroes on the couch. Their heads snap towards Steve in shock and disbelief.

“How!?” Peter asks. “It needs to be over a thousand degrees to melt!”

“I don’t know?” Steve frowns, feeling a bit insecure. “I’ll just rinse it out and start over.”

“NO!” The two science freaks jump up in alarm.

“What?” Steve puts a hand on his hip.

“When water hits molten salt, it’ll explode. I don’t need nor want to pay for home renovations again,” Tony crosses his arms over his chest. The movie plays on in the background. “Just leave it and I’ll take care of it later.”

Steve nods and the two sit down and resume their movie. Currently, the four hobbits are on the side of a dirt road. Three of them are fussing amongst each other while the other one stands up and looks down the road in concern. The wind blows the leaves around and a scream from a Ringwraith is heard. The hobbit looking down the road looks frightened and gets the others off the path urgently.

The three heroes in the common room share a comfortable silence as they focus on their own tasks. It’s like a huge breath of fresh air was made. This domestic moment is more than Tony and Steve could ever hope for. The elevator alerts them of a visitor, and Bucky comes out.

“Buck! I wasn’t expecting you to join us tonight. I’ll add another steak to the-“ Steve is smiling widely. He’s relieved that Bucky is being a little social.

“Don’t bother with it. I’m just making a protein shake before heading to the gym,” Bucky opens a cabinet and pulls out a long plastic cup with a twist on lid and a small, metallic ball inside. The ball looks like a mini whisk. The ex-assassin continues on with making his shake.

Peter is watching Bucky from his side of the couch. He has this huge urge to join the man. He’s not entirely sure why. His spider instincts are just screaming at him to join Bucky in the gym. He peels himself out of Tony’s arms and bounces to the soldiers. They look down at the kid. Stark pauses the movie with a huff.

“Mr. Barnes, can I join you?” Peter asks eagerly.

“What about me?” Tony squawks.

“Sorry, Mr. Stark,” Peter apologizes, scratching the back of his head with a small, embarrassed laugh.

Bucky looks at Peter for a long moment. His expression is stony and unreadable. His eyes never breakaway from Peter’s. The teen shrinks a little under the man’s gaze. Bucky’s lips become narrower before being forced into a smile. He pats Peter’s head with his metal hand.

“I’m sorry, punk. I prefer working out by myself. Plus, I don’t want to interrupt your movie night with Stark and Stevie. Maybe next time,” Bucky says, ignoring the look Steve gives him. He knows he should be trying to bond with Peter again, and he really wants to, but being around Peter might spark a bad memory. He might hurt him again. Let him down again. Bucky’s decided to protect Peter from a distance.

“Oh. Okay then,” Peter deflates and walks back to the couch dejectedly.

Steve and Bucky have a quiet argument where no one’s the winner. The White Wolf shakes his cup to finish the drink. He goes back to the elevator and leaves the floor. The room is left in silence again but not a comfortable one. Tony’s about to resume the movie, but Peter speaks up with a question that breaks Tony and Steve’s hearts.

“Why does Mr. Barnes not like me?” Peter asks. He’s looking forward, too shy to look at either of the heroes’ faces right now. “Did I do something wrong?”

“Where on earth did you get that idea?” Tony’s eyebrows raise.

“He never wants to be around me, so I’m wondering if I did something to piss him off?”

“No, Peter. You’ve done nothing wrong. Nothing at all,” Steve turns off the stove and walks over to Peter. He sits beside him and pats his knee. “He’s just a complex person. It’s nothing you’ve done.”

“Every time I see him, he always has this look on his face. Like it’s painful for him to be in the same room as me. He keeps our interactions short. When he leaves, he hurries. I think just now was the first time he’s ever touched me, but he’s not like that with everyone else,” Peter explains. Tony and Steve curse Bucky in every language they know. Peter isn’t dumb. He knows that Bucky isn’t acting normal around him. Now look what’s happening. “I just wish I knew why he hates me, so I can apologize for it.”

“Slow down there, kiddo. Didn’t you hear Steve? You’ve done nothing wrong. Barnes is just being a drama queen like usual,” The two can see that Peter isn’t convinced. He’s a stubborn kid. Second option, distraction. “I’m hungry. Steve is the food ready yet?”

“Just about. Peter, why don’t you help me plate the food while Tony continues watching the movie? Based on how long each one is, you two will be here all night,” Steve stands up and offers a hand for Peter to take. The teen smiles and takes it.

The super soldier leads Peter to the kitchen and instructs the boy to put the salads together in bowls while he plates the steaks and mashed potatoes. Once Peter is done with his task, he grabs two cups and puts ice in them. He pours coffee in a mug for Tony and carries the cup over to Tony. The older man reaches for it, but Peter drops it on the ground. It shatters and coffee burns parts of the kid’s skin. The teen doesn’t even flinch at it. The noise attracts Steve’s attention. Tony looks at Peter and pales. The teen’s eyes are huge from terror. His hands are trembling.

“Peter, kid, what’s wrong?” Tony stands up and gets in front of Peter. He crouches to be eye level with the boy. “Peter?”

“Tony,” Steve says slowly. The mentioned man looks at the captain. Steve is pointing at the television. Tony turns his head as a centipede crawls around on screen. It doesn’t register at first but when it does, Tony jumps into action. He pauses the movie as soon as the bugs are gone. Tony places his hands on Peter’s shoulders.

“Pete, snap out of it,” Tony shakes Peter a little bit to get his attention. Steve is behind the spider, rubbing his back in soothing circles.

“Peter, we’re here. It’s okay,” Steve comforts.

The two let out deep breaths that they were holding when Peter blinks a few times and his gaze focuses on them. He looks a little embarrassed.

“Sorry about that. I forgot that I’m terrified of that scene. Centipedes are so gross,” Peter brushes the prior situation off, but something is still off about him.

“Since when?” Tony questions. “Since when were you scared of centipedes?”

“Since forever? It’s not that uncommon,” Peter answers.

“Are you sure?” Tony doesn’t let it go. Maybe this is the key? Steve is giving him warning glares from behind Peter, but Tony ignores them.

“I think I’d know about my fears and how long I’ve had them, Mr. Stark,” Peter’s brow twitches. He’s starting to get agitated. He’s not sure why. He just knows that he doesn’t want to talk nor think about centipedes.

“I understand that, but-“

“Oh my god! Why does it matter? Just let it go!” Peter shouts. His breathing is starting to pick up. The teen’s mouth feels dry yet tacky. Peter covers his ears when clicking sounds enter them. He’s not sure what it is or where it’s coming from, but it’s giving him anxiety.

“Peter?” Steve asks, concerned. Tony and Steve look at each other when Peter doesn’t respond. His form curls more and more in on itself. The boy’s face is deathly pale.

Steve sits down and slowly guides Peter with him. He makes Peter straddle his lap and tucks his head under his chin. The soldier rocks the teen slowly. The kid’s breathing is ragged. Steve can practically feel Peter’s heartbeat against his own chest. Still, Steve rocks Peter and rubs his back. He traces random shapes and patterns in hope that Peter would focus on that. It works a little. Peter slumps against the soldier like a limp noodle. The teen reaches around and pats around him. It’s almost done out of instinct. When Peter doesn’t find what he’s looking for, Peter gets wound up again. He whimpers and lets out small cries of distress.

“Peter, what’s wrong? What are you looking for?” Steve asks.

“Wolf? Where’s Wolf?” Peter asks.

“The plush toy?” Steve specifies. Peter nods as his panic rises.

“He’s right here,” Tony kneels to grab the plush toy from off the ground. He holds it up for Peter to see. “Safe and sound.”

Peter snatches the toy from Tony’s hands and squeezes it against him like a lifeline. Peter’s body relaxes almost instantly. His breathing starts to even out. Peter’s heartbeat is still sprinting, but it too finally calms down. All energy Peter had before is gone – drained out of him. He hugs Wolf closer to him.

Steve continues to rub Peter’s back and rock him. Tony is texting Sam and Bruce about what just happened with Peter. The Stark can’t help but feel guilty about being the cause of Peter’s anxiety attack. He shouldn’t have pushed.

“I’m sorry about that,” Peter croaks. “I’m not sure what came over me.”

“Don’t apologize. There’s nothing to be embarrassed about. It happens to the best of us,” Steve reassures. “You named the toy, Wolf? How creative of you.”

“Shut up. I’m not the best at naming things, okay?” Peter teases back.

“I never noticed how much you loved him,” Tony pipes in, sitting beside the two. He runs a hand through his hair.

“Yeah. I really do. For some reason I can’t stand the idea of being separated from him for too long. When he’s not in sight, I get anxious. When I hold him, I feel safe. I feel like a child,” Peter sulks.

“Well, you _are_ a child,” Steve elbows Tony’s gut in agitation. The man grunts but doesn’t fight back.

“We all have something that keeps us grounded and calm. There’s nothing to be ashamed about. A lot of the men in the war had things similar like this,” Steve says.

“Really?” Peter perks up a little.

“Yeah, so don’t be so quick to shut yourself down for having something that makes you feel better and happy.” Peter smiles and nuzzles the wolf. “Now then, how’s your leg? Are the burns already healed? Any glass cut you?”

“I’m fine. I’ll clean up the mess though,” Peter climbs out of Steve’s lap.

“Hurry up then before the food gets cold,” Steve lightly scolds. There’s no heat behind it.

“Aye Aye, Captain,” Peter salutes.

The two older men watch Peter’s back. They aren’t stupid. They know what happened. Peter had a reaction to being pushed about the Red Room. None of his memories resurfaced that they know of, but they aren’t sure if this event has spurred on future episodes.

The three ate dinner while watching the movie. Throughout the meal, Tony and Steve glance at Peter to make sure he’s alright. They don’t miss how Peter clutches Wolf occasionally during certain fight scenes or how Peter’s eyes look faraway when Boromir dies. When Sam nearly drowns, Peter hugs Wolf and hums softly. These are absentminded actions. Peter may not remember the red room, but he does subconsciously.

The movie ends, and Peter carries their plates to the sink. He rinses them before loading them in the dishwasher.

“I’m going to head to bed now. I’m exhausted,” Peter announces. The movie marathon has been put on hold tonight.

“That’s fine, champ. Call us if you need anything,” Tony puts on some sitcom.

“Goodnight, Peter,” Steve smiles.

Peter takes the elevator to the floor his room’s on. He shares the floor with a few others such as Bucky, Steve, and Sam. He walks down the hallway, Wolf close to his chest. He’s such an idiot! Having an anxiety attack right in front of Tony and Steve like that. He couldn’t even enjoy the movie without internally panicking during every fight scene. He’s never reacted to _Lord of the Rings_ like that before. Now they’ll never want to watch a movie with him again!

Peter’s probably overthinking this. He’s simply tired and stressed out. A good night’s sleep should do the trick.

The teen blinks and the whole hallway is wet with red goo. He can faintly hear it dripping and sliding down the walls. Sickening splatters from chunks landing in puddles. There are sections in the red that are darker or black and congealed. Shaking, Peter takes a step back and rubs his eyes. When he opens them, the hallway looks normal again. No signs of blood anywhere. The sounds gone.

“What was that?” Peter asks himself.

“You okay, Punk?” A voice asks. Peter whips around and comes face to chest with Bucky. The man is looking down at Peter with knitted brows. Bucky’s eyes flicker with concern. He’s coming back from the gym, empty cup in hand and a white towel draped over his shoulder.

“Yeah, I’m fine! Goodnight, Mr. Barnes!” Peter squeaks and takes off down the hallway, to his room. He’s unaware of the man’s heavy stare following him, or the way Bucky fights himself from following after Peter.


	10. Just Between You and Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter has nightmares. Steve and Bucky come to the rescue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the support! <3
> 
> [ WARING: Gore ]
> 
> [[ In my defense, I was challenged by a god. ]]
> 
> Follow me on Tumblr: BrandNewWings

**Previously**

_The movie ends, and Peter carries their plates to the sink. He rinses them before loading them in the dishwasher._

_“I’m going to head to bed now. I’m exhausted,” Peter announces. The movie marathon has been put on hold tonight._

_“That’s fine, champ. Call us if you need anything,” Tony puts on some sitcom._

_“Goodnight, Peter,” Steve smiles._

_Peter takes the elevator to the floor his room’s on. He shares the floor with a few others such as Bucky, Steve, and Sam. He walks down the hallway, Wolf close to his chest. He’s such an idiot! Having an anxiety attack right in front of Tony and Steve like that. He couldn’t even enjoy the movie without internally panicking during every fight scene. He’s never reacted to Lord of the Rings like that before. Now they’ll never want to watch a movie with him again!_

_Peter’s probably overthinking this. He’s simply tired and stressed out. A good night’s sleep should do the trick._

_The teen blinks and the whole hallway is wet with red goo. He can faintly hear it dripping and sliding down the walls. Sickening splatters from chunks landing in puddles. There are sections in the red that are darker or black and congealed. Shaking, Peter takes a step back and rubs his eyes. When he opens them, the hallway looks normal again. No signs of blood anywhere. The sounds gone._

_“What was that?” Peter asks himself._

_“You okay, Punk?” A voice asks. Peter whips around and comes face to chest with Bucky. The man is looking down at Peter with knitted brows. Bucky’s eyes flicker with concern. He’s coming back from the gym, empty cup in hand and a white towel draped over his shoulder._

_“Yeah, I’m fine! Goodnight, Mr. Barnes!” Peter squeaks and takes off down the hallway, to his room. He’s unaware of the man’s heavy stare following him, or the way Bucky fights himself from following after Peter._

 

* * *

 

Peter reaches his room and shuts the door behind him with a sigh. Tonight, has been certainly eventful. He even cut off the movie night early because of it. Peter will definitely make it up to Tony tomorrow. He’ll make him that coffee Tony loves so much. The brand that’s shipped from Brazil and has a hint of hazelnut in it.

Perhaps he’ll make Tony breakfast too? That’ll depend on if Peter is willing to risk giving the man food poisoning though. Peter will probably just order breakfast for the whole team. They’ve been nothing but kind and welcoming to him since he’s woken up. The team has made him a part of their family, and he wants to thank them in any way he can.

Then again, Sam’s made so much food to last Peter a lifetime. It’d be a waste not to eat it, but that food is for _him_ and no one else. Sam’s made that perfectly clear when Peter tried to share a cookie with Clint. So, ordering food for the team it is!

With that plan made, Peter gets ready for bed. He sets Wolf down against a pillow and opens his dresser. The teen strips out of his clothing and slips on his designated pajamas. He brushes his teeth and washes his face before sliding into bed. Of course, going to bed does not mean _actually_ sleeping. Peter is scrolling around on his phone. He checks his Tumblr and reblogs posts that cater to his interests then watches vine compilations on YouTube. Eventually, his eyes get heavy and the kid falls asleep, snuggling Wolf closely.

-

_Peter opens his eyes and finds himself down on his knees. His head is drooping forward with his chin resting against his chest. The teen’s hands are tied behind his back and hooked up to thick rope. Footsteps alert Peter that he’s not alone. He looks up and sees a man in a crow mask smiling down at him. His teeth are broken and jagged with a breath more putrid than surstromming._

_The man’s lips move but no sound comes out of them. Peter squints his eyes to focus on the man, but he can’t hear anything. The spiderling tries to tell the man this but he too has no sound coming from his mouth. The teen’s mind names this person Crow. He’s not sure why, but it’s fitting. Crow says something again and when Peter doesn’t respond, the man frowns. Peter’s eyes are directed to the rope in Crow’s hands._

_He begins pulling it to himself. At the same time, Peter’s arms move up, being lifted at the same pace that Crow is pulling on the rope. Higher and higher Peter’s arms are raised until it begins to hurt and burn. The teen is flexible, sure, but not like Elastigirl from The Incredibles. When Crow never lets up on the rope, it’s then that Peter realizes what’s to come. He screams at the man to stop pulling on the rope. He begs, but Crow ignores him. Peter’s balancing on his toes to keep his weight off of his shoulders and joints, but it’s useless. Peter is raised and dangles half a foot off the ground before his shoulders give way and crack vociferously. The boy screams hysterically as the pain never eases up. He sways there like meat on a hook._

_The worst part is that Peter can feel his shoulders mend themselves just to dislocate again. The man raises Peter higher before attaching heavy stones around the teen’s ankles. The added weight forces Peter’s body to detach more from the sockets and makes the pain unthinkable. Crow leaves Peter there in a hysterical mess as he prepares something else._

_-_

Peter sits up as he wakes, gasping for air. His heart is thundering in his chest at speeds he never knew existed. He’s disoriented about what’s going on around him. Peter’s aware that he’s awake now, but he’s not sure why he’s in such a panic.

The room is pitch black except for the moonlight that’s trickling in through the curtains. Peter’s breathing settles a little as time passes. He wipes the sweat-slicked hair out of his clammy face. While the teen feels hot, his body is screaming out cold sweat. Peter’s stomach is churning from the extreme panic. He can hear an automated voice in the background but doesn’t think much of it.

Peter lies back down with a slow exhale. He turns over onto his side and hugs Wolf. He doesn’t remember what he was dreaming off, but he can already tell that tonight is going to be rough. The teenager passes out right when someone enters his room.

-

_Peter wakes up upside down this time. His ankles are bound to a horizontal beam with his legs spread apart. His hands are once again bound behind his back, but nothing indicates that they’ll be lifted like before. All the blood is rushing to Peter’s head and is giving him a migraine. Something cold is pressed against his lower regions. Something long and serrated. It’s then that Peter realizes that he’s completely bare for the world to see. He shivers at the chilly air and can feel the goosebumps rising on his skin. Peter’s eyes slide around to catch a glimpse of Crow again. The man locks eyes with Peter and speaks without sound like before. And again, Peter can’t reply back._

_Sharp pain shoots up Peter’s spine, and the boy shrieks in horror. Crow is sawing Peter in half from his groin up. He’s doing it so slowly that Peter can feel every single slice into him. Blood oozes down Peter’s abdomen and rolls over Peter’s face, making it hard to breathe. Tears mix in but it’s nearly impossible to see with all the red. Crow stops sawing and implants the saw deep into Peter’s bones. The man steps back and watches Peter bleed out._

_The boy wakes up just to do it again. His weary eyes slide over to a contraption that looks like a stool with a pyramid on top of it instead of the normal flat surface. That must be next._

_Crow begins sawing into Peter again._

-

Peter wakes up screaming. His body convulses on the bed as terror floods through him. His vision is dark and blurry from tears. His ears agonize over the onslaught of his screaming and roaring heartbeat. Peter can’t breathe! He can’t remember how too! The teen’s eyes haze in and out. He rolls off the bed and lands on the floor, knocking over a few things. His screams are never ending and would break glass if given the chance.

Why is he so scared? What is Peter scared of? Whatever he dreamt is gone now. There’s nothing Peter can remember about it. He just knows that whatever it is, he doesn’t want to experience it again.

The door to his bedroom slams open and a large figure hurries over to him. They shout something, and Peter can numbly acknowledge that he’s being touched and held. His face is pressed against a firm chest to block out his screaming. Peter pushes away to fall onto all fours. He covers his mouth with his hand but that doesn’t hold back the bile that spews through his pale fingers and onto the floor. Peter coughs and gags as more vomit empties out of him. The figure who was with him before, rubs a large, warm hand against his back. They’re probably murmuring encouraging words, but Peter doesn’t bother to try and hear them. Another wave of terror wracks his body and Peter hurls again.

When there’s a moment that the vomit stops coming, Peter is picked up and quickly taken to his bathroom. He’s blinded by the lights that are flipped on but doesn’t complain about them. There’s the clink of porcelain toilet seats being lifted up, and Peter finds himself in front of said toilet. Cold sweat coats his body and makes his pajamas cling to him. He wreaks of it.

Peter’s heart still sprints, but his breathing is getting better. The spiderling’s vision becomes clearer as his awareness settles. A strong chest is pressed up against his back, and Peter soaks in the much-needed warmth and comfort. A large hand is pressed against Peter’s chest so if the teen throws up, he won’t fall over doing so. When Peter’s sense of hearing stabilizes, the young spider knows who’s with him.

Steve.

“I’ve got you, Peter. It’s okay. You’re okay. Breathe in and out. Slow, deep breaths. That’s it. You’re okay now. I’m here,” Steve murmurs, nuzzling Peter’s sweat-soaked hair. Peter would find that action gross at any other time, but right now it’s incredibly endearing.

“Ste?” Peter’s voice is broken and raw. He spits into the toilet.

“Yeah, it’s me, bud,” Steve uses his free hand to grab a wad of toilet paper and wipe off Peter’s soiled face. Thankfully, Steve pulled Peter’s hair back as much as he could to prevent even more of a mess.

“I’m sorry,” Peter sounds so miserable.

“Shh. Don’t say silly things like that,” Steve has his legs splayed on either side of Peter. The teen leans back and sits in front of the soldier.

The unspoken question of what happened lingers in the air, but Steve never asks it. Peter is grateful for that because he’s not sure of that himself. He’s not sure if he wants to.

“I’ve got the mess taken care of. I brought a change of clothing for Peter,” a gruff voice announces. Bucky steps into the doorway of the bathroom with a small stack of folded clothes in hand.

“Thanks, Buck. Peter, are you well enough to get dressed or do you think you’re going to throw up again?” Steve asks softly. The kid looks absolutely _miserable_. He’s pale and shaking from whatever the hell that was. The amount of sweat that’s accumulated on Peter is unbelievable. He groans and places his forehead against the toilet rim.

Bucky grabs a small paper cup from a large stack over at the sink. Normally, Peter uses them in case he wakes up thirsty and doesn’t feel like making the trip down to the kitchen. Tonight, will be different. The ex-assassin fills up the cup and crouches down beside the two.

“Here, Pete. Use this to rinse your mouth out as best as you can. It’ll help to get the taste out,” Bucky offers the cup to Peter, and the teen takes it. When Peter spits the water out into the toilet, Bucky gives him a small peppermint. “Mint helps an upset stomach.”

Peter only nods robotically and does everything the man says. The spiderling’s body feels like lead. He’s so tired, but he doesn’t want to go back to sleep.

“Take your time. Don’t rush anything. If you need an hour, then we’ll give you two,” Steve says, flushing the toilet.

Peter nods and leans his head back against Steve’s shoulder. His mouth is open to get cool air into his body in heavier quantities. It helps in keeping his breathing steady too. Bucky makes himself comfortable and runs his fingers through Peter’s hair. The teen’s never seen the soldier with such a warm and soft expression before. It makes Bucky look like a puppy that needs to be cuddled and loved. The cool fingers of his metal arm does wonders for Peter. When they move down to the nape of his neck and tug on his baby hairs, the teen melts against Steve with his head lopping around. He crows and keens as Steve joins in with tracing patterns on his back. Bucky smiles. He still knows how to make his kid feel relaxed and with Steve helping to double team, they make an unstoppable pair.

Peter’s eyes become heavy, fatigue hitting him really hard. His eyelids droop. He could be in this moment forever.

“I’m sorry,” Peter’s words slur.

“I thought I told you not to apologize?” Steve hums. Peter shakes his head, instantly regretting it. When the world stops spinning, Peter continues.

“No. I’m sorry to Mr. Barnes,” Peter clarifies. The super soldiers look at each other before looking back down at Peter.

“What are you talking about, punk? There’s nothing to apologize for,” Bucky is confused.

“I know you don’t like me all that much, and yet you still came to help me. I’m thankful, but I’m also sorry,” Peter’s words break Bucky’s heart.

“No, Peter. _I’m_ sorry for making you think that. I don’t hate you. Very far from it,” Bucky squeezes the nape of Peter’s neck. He tries to keep the tears back.

“You do?” Peter lifts his head to look at Bucky. If the kid wasn’t so tired, he’d look very surprised and excited.

“Of course! How could I not like you? You’re the most selfless, mischievous, honest, golden-hearted, kid I know. You remind me so much of Stevie too. Which means I have to keep my eye on you twenty-four seven,” Steve gives Bucky a look that the white wolf blatantly ignores. “I know my actions gave you the wrong impression, and I can’t express to you how sorry I am about that. Things are just…complicated for me right now. It’s never been against you. I don’t hate you. In fact, I think of you as one of my own,” Bucky smiles. _You’re my punk_.

Peter’s eyes well with tears. Steve uses the pad of his thumb to wipe them away.

“That makes me so happy to hear. I don’t know why, but I’m incredibly relieved to hear you say that. I mean, of course I’m happy that you don’t hate me, who wouldn’t, but like…my heart feels more at peace? That sounds strange and creepy and sappy doesn’t it? It was eating at me that you didn’t like me. I thought I did something wrong. I’m so _so_ relieved, Mr. Barnes!” Peter rambles, face getting red. Bucky laughs and tousles the boy’s hair. Steve watches them with a smile.

“Let’s work on that name, kid. Just call me, Bucky,” Barnes says.

“Mr.-Bucky!” Peter squeaks when Bucky gives him _the_ look. The look that promises chaos and fury if Peter doesn’t call him Bucky.

“That’s better,” Bucky says proudly. Steve rolls his eyes.

“So, things are complicated, huh? Well, I hope everything works out for you,” Peter’s a gentle soul.

“Yeah. Me too, kid.”

There’s a beat of silence.

“Can I take a shower before getting dressed?” Peter asks.

“Of course, but will you need any help?” Steve stands up off the ground and helps Peter up.

“I’ll be okay. I’m feeling a lot better. Jumpy, maybe, but compared to before, heavenly,” Peter grins.

‘We’ll be outside in case you need us,” Steve says, and the two soldiers exit the room.

Peter’s smile slowly disappears when the door closes behind them. What a night.

-

Peter leaves the bathroom dressed in new clothes. He tossed the soiled clothing into the laundry chute, brushed his teeth, and has a clearer mind. Peter stops in his tracks when he sees both of the super soldiers lying on his bed with a gap between them. They’re chatting away without a care in the world.

“What are you guys doing?” Peter cocks his head.

“What do you think? We’re having a slumber party, and you’re invited,” Steve laughs.

“Last time I checked, this was _my_ room, so how am _I_ the one being invited?” Peter arches a brow.

“Don’t get all technical. Just get over here,” Bucky pats the spot between them for Peter to take.

“Are you sure? I don’t want you two to do anything you don’t want to do. You’re not obligated to stay with me when you could be sleeping in your own rooms,” Peter bites his lip, padding over to the bed.

“No one is making us do anything. We _want_ to do this,” Steve reassures. “Now come here.”

Peter is yanked down in between them, and the amount of warmth and security Peter feels is off the charts. The teen burrows under the covers and wraps an arm around Steve. He nuzzles into the captain’s chest as both sets of arms snake their way around him as well. This reminds him of all the times when he was little and snuck into Aunt May and Uncle Ben’s bed after a nightmare. They’d hold him just like this.

“Mr. Sandman, bring me a dream,” Bucky hums.

“Bung! Bung! Bung! Bung!” Peter pipes in and giggles when Bucky puts him in a headlock.

“Don’t interrupt me when I’m trying to serenade you, punk,” Bucky growls playfully.

“Is that the only song you know by them?” Steve smirks.

“Silence!” Bucky points at the blond.

“Okay! Okay! I give!” Peter hiccups a laugh. Bucky releases him.

“Good. Now get some sleep. I hear you’ll be joining Sam and Steve on their morning run tomorrow. You’ll need all the rest you can get,” Bucky warns solemnly. Steve reaches over Peter and thwacks the back of Bucky’s head.

“Don’t scare him like that,” Steve huffs.

Peter giggles before settling back down between them.

The two men continue their playful banter through whispers and hisses, careful not to disturb Peter. The vibrations from Steve’s chest tickles his ear, but it’s also cathartic in a sense. He closes his eyes and listens to Steve’s heartbeat while Bucky hugs Peter tighter. Whatever’s left of Peter’ panic attack is gone. In place of it is love and comfort. He knows for certain that he won’t wake up again in a panic, and if by some way he does, Bucky and Steve will be there for him. The teen’s eyes drift shut.

This is the first time since Peter’s woken up in that medical room that he’s forgotten about the white wolf plush toy. The thing that gives him so much reassurance and comfort lies on the ground at the foot of the bed. It makes sense, though, considering he’s snuggling with the real one and the captain.


	11. Soft Sands

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter is falling apart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the support and patience! <3
> 
> Is anyone else ready for fall?

**Previously**

_“Are you sure? I don’t want you two to do anything you don’t want to do. You’re not obligated to stay with me when you could be sleeping in your own rooms,” Peter bites his lip, padding over to the bed._

_“No one is making us do anything. We want to do this,” Steve reassures. “Now come here.”_

_Peter is yanked down in between them, and the amount of warmth and security Peter feels is off the charts. The teen burrows under the covers and wraps an arm around Steve. He nuzzles into the captain’s chest as both sets of arms snake their way around him as well. This reminds him of all the times when he was little and snuck into Aunt May and Uncle Ben’s bed after a nightmare. They’d hold him just like this._

_“Mr. Sandman, bring me a dream,” Bucky hums._

_“Bung! Bung! Bung! Bung!” Peter pipes in and giggles when Bucky puts him in a headlock._

_“Don’t interrupt me when I’m trying to serenade you, punk,” Bucky growls playfully._

_“Is that the only song you know by them?” Steve smirks._

_“Silence!” Bucky points at the blond._

_“Okay! Okay! I give!” Peter hiccups a laugh. Bucky releases him._

_“Good. Now get some sleep. I hear you’ll be joining Sam and Steve on their morning run tomorrow. You’ll need all the rest you can get,” Bucky warns solemnly. Steve reaches over Peter and thwacks the back of Bucky’s head._

_“Don’t scare him like that,” Steve huffs._

_Peter giggles before settling back down between them._

_The two men continue their playful banter through whispers and hisses, careful not to disturb Peter. The vibrations from Steve’s chest tickles his ear, but it’s also cathartic in a sense. He closes his eyes and listens to Steve’s heartbeat while Bucky hugs Peter tighter. Whatever’s left of Peter’ panic attack is gone. In place of it is love and comfort. He knows for certain that he won’t wake up again in a panic, and if by some way he does, Bucky and Steve will be there for him. The teen’s eyes drift shut._

_This is the first time since Peter’s woken up in that medical room that he’s forgotten about the white wolf plush toy. The thing that gives him so much reassurance and comfort lies on the ground at the foot of the bed. It makes sense, though, considering he’s snuggling with the real one and the captain._

 

* * *

 

Light filters in through the curtains. Peter scrunches his face up to block out the disturbance. He nearly succeeds in slipping away again when someone nudges him. They do it again…and again. Steve is up and is wanting to get ready for his morning jog. Peter said he wanted to join, so Steve isn’t willing to let the teen back out.

Currently, Bucky is wrapped around Peter like an overbearing parent. When Peter whines at Steve’s pestering and snuggles closer, the ex-assassin makes a protective noise in the back of his throat and rolls over so he’s lying on top of the kid. He squeezes the spider closer, tucks Peter’s head under his chin, and settles. Bucky’s become a safety blanket. Peter’s fingers tangle themselves in Bucky’s shirt. The scene reminds Steve of a hen sitting on her chicks to keep them warm and safe. The blond rolls his eyes at the mental image and nudges Bucky awake.

“Fuck off, Steve,” Bucky grumbles and buries his face in a pillow.

“Buck, we have to go for a jog. Peter expressed great interest in it,” Steve reasons.

“Well he doesn’t want to now,” Bucky huffs.

“Teens are known for putting up fights when woken up. This is normal,” Steve crosses his arms. “Do I need to get a squirt bottle?”

“Don’t you dare!” Bucky’s eyes flash open.

“Water worked on you when we were little. Why not Peter?” Steve smirks.

“Fine. Fine. Go get dressed, and I’ll take care of him,” Bucky offers. Steve stares at him for a second.

“Deal, but if I come back and you’re _both_ asleep…” Steve makes a gesture of squirting a bottle followed with the sound.

“You’re a cruel man. A face of all evil,” Bucky mumbles as Steve walks out of the room.

Bucky stares at the empty doorway for a few seconds longer before turning back to look down at the kid. Peter looks so at peace with the world and himself. He had a hard time last night, and a few mysteries were cleared up. Peter no longer believes that Bucky hates him. Peter’s memories are coming back in the forms of nightmares, but Peter doesn’t remember them when he wakes up. Something happened in the hallways too. Peter didn’t realize how long he was staring down the corridor. He saw something but is keeping quiet about it. Or maybe, Bucky’s just overanalyzing things.

Bucky pats Peter’s cheek.

“Hey, bud, it’s time to get up,” Bucky coaxes the teen awake.

“I wanna sleep, papa,” Peter turns on his side, or as best as he could with Bucky’s weight still on him.

Bucky’s mind blanches at the title he was given. Did he mishear? Did Peter really call him “papa”? He watches Peter hug his flesh arm and squeeze it. Pride swells in Bucky’s chest. It might’ve been from a sleepy spell, but Bucky will take it. Despite forgetting him, Bucky is still Peter’s father figure.

“No, it’s time to get up, and I warn you that you’ll prefer it being me who gets you up. Trust me,” Bucky snorts when Peter groans and throws a small fit. The teen’s eyes open and the true battle begins between father and son.

Steve comes back into the room ten minutes later with a fully functioning squirt bottle. He slowly opens the door, careful not to make a sound, and charges into the room. What he sees nearly makes him drop the bottle. Bucky and Peter are tangled in the sheets and comforter on the ground. A total knot. Bucky looks pissed and Peter seems regretful. They stop struggling once they realize that they aren’t alone. It’s Peter who speaks first.

“Help us, Obi Wan Kenobi. You’re our only hope,” Peter deadpans.

“That was awful, and you know it,” Bucky groans. “Stevie, a little help would be appreciated.”

“Hm,” Steve hums, tapping his chin. “But should I?’

“I don’t have time for this, mom! Hurry up, I gotta pee!” Peter shouts, wiggling.

“M-Mama?” Steve pales. “Why am _I_ the mom, here?”

“Shut up, Suzy, and untangle us.”

“Alright. Alright,” Steve sets the bottle down and gets to work.

The second Peter is free, he runs to the bathroom and slams the door shut behind him. The brunette sighs in relief when he’s free to let go. It’s almost like ecstasy. Peter finishes with a flush and washes his hands. The teen then splashes water on his face and looks into the mirror. Dark circles are evident under his eyes. He looks a little peakish. What a night it was.

Peter grabs a towel and dries his face off. When he pulls the towel away something doesn’t feel right. He opens his eyes and it’s just like before. The room is caked in blood. It’s smearing down the walls and from the ceiling. Peter’s enhanced hearing makes it all the worse. No words could possibly describe how it sounds. What used to be water on his hands is now the stickiness and disgust of red. Iron permeates the air. The worst part about this is that the blood is still warm. Peter looks at his reflection and is horrified to see that he’s smiling with wide, feral eyes. It’s incredibly unsettling to look at. He looks like that smiling family from _Insidious._

The young spider yelps and throws the towel at the mirror. That causes things to get knocked over and crash to the floor. Peter backs away from the smiling reflection as it’s skin slowly peels off like old wallpaper.

“Peter!? You okay in there?” Bucky shouts from behind the door. He knocks a few times. The sounds bring Peter back, and he blinks a few times. Whatever he was seeing is gone now. The bathroom door opens, and the two super soldiers run inside. “What’s happened? What’s wrong?”

Peter looks at them and wipes his brow. Best not to worry them. He’s just seeing things.

“Nothing. I was washing my face and thought I saw a spider,” Peter lies.

“ _You_ scared of a _spider_?” Steve arches a brow.

“Shut up,” Peter blushes. Bucky narrows his eyes, not fully believing Peter’s story but decides not to push it.

“Well, finish getting ready and come down for breakfast. We shouldn’t eat too much or else we’ll get nauseous during the run, but enough to give us energy,” Steve smiles.

Over the past week or so, Peter’s become more casual around Steve and the others. Granted, Tony is still Mr. Stark, but it’s enough. There’s no longer that formal barrier that separates them.

Peter comes down to the common room and sees Bucky, Sam, and Steve in the kitchen. Sam is cutting up fruit while Steve drinks coffee and reads the paper. Bucky has a bowl out on the kitchen island. He pours milk into it then proceeds to pour his cereal in. Peter cringes internally.

“Uh-uh. No. You’re not having cereal like some washed up heathen. If you’re going to have it, you’re going to have it right,” Sam criticizes.

“How about you worry about yourself?” Bucky snaps. He gets enough heat from Steve about this.

“Don’t you be catching an attitude with me,” Sam puts down the knife to glare at Bucky.

“Well, you’re the one who threw it, so-“

“I’m not playing these games!” Sam shouts.

“Then don’t come at me about how I make cereal!” Bucky shouts back.

“Is this how we’re starting our morning? Throwing shade?” Peter sighs and takes his seat beside Steve whom hardly acknowledges Bucky and Sam’s argument.

“Whatever’s being thrown needs to be picked up before we leave,” Steve takes a sip from his mug and flips a page.

“That’s not…” Peter thinks better than to argue with Steve. “I think I’m more upset that they quoted two vines without even meaning to,” Peter watches Sam resume chopping the fruit all while arguing with the ex-assassin. Bucky says something snarky and the knife is thrown at him. Bucky easily dodges it and the knife heads straight for the elevator. Of course, that’s when Natasha comes out. The woman barely startles when the blade embeds itself next to her head. All four of them pale and sweat bullets when Natasha yanks the knife out of the wall.

“Would you look at the time! It’s time we start jogging!” Sam laughs nervously and ushers Steve and Peter away, abandoning the fruit.

“But I haven’t eaten yet. Steve said I should before running,” Peter says, looking up at the falcon.

“We’ll stop off and get something on the way. Right, Steve?” Sam asks desperately.

“Right,” Steve relents and the three leave Bucky to deal with Natasha on his own.

The three heroes stretch their limbs before doing a light jog to a café. Early mornings at a café will always prove to be the busiest next to lunch time. Steve and Sam volunteer Peter to go stand in line to take their orders. Meanwhile, they’ll find a seat amongst the crowd. Every so often people will stop and stare. A few will take pictures. Unhidden whispers about the heroes enter Peter’s ears. Thankfully no one knows about him being Spider-Man, but him having breakfast with two famous heroes will undoubtedly raise suspicion.

Steve is telling Sam about what happened with Peter last night. The night terrors. Panic attacks. The nausea. Everything.

“Well it’s clear that Peter’s memories are coming back in the form of nightmares, but what sparked it? Why is it happening now?” Sam asks, crossing his arms.

“Earlier that night, Tony, Peter, and I were watching _Lord of the Rings_. There’s a scene that has a centipede crawling around. It caused him to have an anxiety attack. Tony kept pushing Peter about why he was scared of the centipede,” Sam gives Steve a look at that. “I know, but that caused a bigger reaction out of Peter. The only way to really settle him down is with that plush toy.”

“I see, and did he need the plush toy again later on?” Sam leans back in his chair. He glances at Peter who’s almost to the counter. He keeps reading over the list in his hands to avoid his awkwardness of standing in a line.

“No, actually. When Bucky and I were there, he didn’t even mention Wolf,” Steve scratches his head and sighs.

“I thought as much,” Sam says.

“What do you mean?” Steve asks.

“Peter suppressed his memory of Bucky as a white wolf, if you recall. Ever since then, he’s been clutching that plush toy nonstop. Those feelings of security and safety that Bucky gave Peter before are felt through that plush toy. Peter is attached to Wolf because his subconscious relates it to Bucky, so since Bucky was actually there last night, Peter didn’t have any need for the plush. Does that make sense?”

“I suppose so,” Steve hums.

“Since Peter is having nightmares, we’ll need to keep a close watch over him in case something else happens. Did anything else seem off about him?” Sam asks. Peter is next in line now.

“Only that when Bucky went to go to his room, he found Peter standing in the hall looking a bit disturbed before going back to normal. I figure that he was still a bit wound up from his anxiety attack,” Steve answers.

“Could be but we can’t leave any stone left unturned,” Sam says.

“Right.”

Peter reads over the list again and again. He’s memorized how to forge Sam’s handwriting by now. He didn’t bring his phone with him, so he’s standing around awkwardly waiting to give his order. Why did he have to do this? Sam said he had something to discuss with Steve but come on! Couldn’t it wait until after this?

“I can take whoever’s next!” A voice chimes.

Peter snaps his head up and looks around. The barista is looking at him with a smile unnatural for this time of day. Peter tries to give a smile back as he walks to the counter.

“Yes. I’ll have two black coffees, and an iced vanilla coffee,” Peter reads off the list.

“Okay, anything else?” The barista is tapping buttons on her register screen.

“Two blueberry muffins and a cheese Danish,” Peter replies.

“Anything else?” She repeats.

“Nope. That should do it,” Peter crumples up the paper in his hands.

“Fifteen forty-five,” The barista tells the total. Peter hands her a twenty and is given change back.

He goes to the trash can while he waits. He tosses the paper ball in the bin and turns to go back, but something catches his eye. A small rodent sticks its head out of the trash can. A rat. Now, Peter doesn’t mind rats and mice. He actually thinks of them as being cute, but for some reason a terror is born within his stomach and grows larger and larger. Everything around him disappears. The noise, the people, and the smell of coffee. His eyes glaze over and cold sweat coats his skin.

Peter finds himself laying on a steel table, arms and legs bound. A blinding light on above him. Peter can feel how cold the table is. It’s like ice to his sensitive skin. Wherever he is, it smells awful and like nothing else he’s ever smelt before. A man with a crow mask peers down at him with a crooked grin.

“Have you ever heard of a rat trap, Mr. Parker?” The man asks. He breath is atrocious. Peter tries to answer but can’t. “What a pity. I heard you were supposed to be the smartest of your time. I suppose you wouldn’t be, though, since you’re here. Instead of explaining it to you, I’ll just show you.”

Crow, the man’s name, places a small cage over Peter’s stomach. It’s then that Peter realizes that he’s naked. Embarrassment colors Peter’s cheeks. The cage doesn’t have a bottom to it. In Crow’s other hand is a rat. He places the creature inside the cage right on Peter’s flesh and lets it wander around. The small feet tickle Peter’s stomach as it moves. It’s tail pokes out of the holes every so often. The rodent looks like it hasn’t eaten in days. It must be starving.

Crow asks a question, but no sound comes out. It’s like someone cut the audio for a split second. Peter tries reading his lips but it’s no good. Peter tries to get Crow to ask again, but he can’t find his voice. Then, the audio of Crow comes back.

“Alrighty, then,” Crow takes a blow torch and starts heating up the cage.

The rat reacts immediately. It starts scampering around, trying to get away from the heat. As the cage gets hotter and hotter, the more desperate the creature becomes. It clicks in Peter’s head what’s about to come. The teen thrashes around to get the cage off of him, but it’s no use. Tears well up in Peter’s eyes. He wants to beg Crow to stop. He wants to scream, but it’s like an invisible force is keeping him from doing so.

The rat can’t go forwards, backwards, sideways, or up to get away from the unprecedented heat, so that leaves only one way. Down. The rat chews its way through Peter’s flesh. Blood pours out and seeps through the cage and onto the table. The pain is white hot. Peter is being eaten alive. Being tunneled through as if he’s dirt by some starving rat. Peter coughs up blood that falls back into his face and down his chin. The teen suffocates by the excess blood that refuses to be coughed out. The rat’s moved on and is currently chewing through organs and muscles and veins until it breaches through Peter’s side like some blood-coated alien. Peter’s convulsing on the table as blood floods his body and death is a short promise away.

He can feel his body mending itself. Peter’s not sure if it’s cruel or a relief that he’s going to survive this. His mind is buzzing but not from a high. His body trembles and Peter desperately wants to curl up on himself.

“Since the rat ate from you, do you think it’ll survive from injuries like you do?” Crow asks, picking up the rat. He examines it before chucking it at the nearby wall. The small body explodes on impact. Its blood creates a firework looking shape on the wall. “I guess not.”

This man is a monster. True evil.

“ete…”

“That was fun, but I have other goodies in store for you,” Crow holds up a syringe. “Let’s see how you react when bleach is injected into your bloodstream or chlorine could be fun too.”

No!

“Peter!”

Peter is brought out of his thoughts. He stares into blue irises and furrowed blond eyebrows. His mind is racing a mile a minute. The teen’s body won’t move like he’s experiencing sleep paralysis. What was that? Why did that daydream feel so real? It couldn’t have been. Peter wouldn’t have forgotten something like that, but that man seemed so familiar… Right! He was the one who kept Peter captive but was awful at it. Stabbing Peter with wax candles and sponges. Was this what he kept dreaming about last night? How could his mind come up with something so brutal? What’s wrong with him?

“Peter, are you okay?” Steve tries again to get Peter’s attention.

The young spider blinks and rubs his stomach. He can still feel the phantom pains. His eyes slide to look at the rat but it’s no longer there. Without looking at the two superheroes standing before him, Peter answers.

“Yeah. I’m fine. Just started daydreaming,” Steve and Sam look at each other.

“About what?” Sam asks.

Peter contemplates telling them. What would they think if he told them how dark his mind’s been getting? The things he’s been seeing. There’s no explanation for it. His time kidnapped was far from traumatizing. It was nothing like Tony’s time in Afghanistan. Doesn’t hold a flame to Natasha’s time spent with Hydra. So, what is this?

“Nothing,” Peter answers.

“You sure? You looked pale as a ghost, kid,” Sam says.

“I’m more than sure,” Peter goes for a smile, but it looks awkward and painful.

“You-“

“Orders ready for Peter!” The barista shouts over the crowd of customers. Peter ducks away from Steve and Sam to fetch their orders.

“Something’s changed, Sam. I think he’s remembering and not just through nightmares,” Steve comments as the two watch the teen push through the crowd to get to the counter.

“I was hoping it was just me being paranoid,” Sam replies. “We would never be lucky enough to have a breather from tragedy.”

“What do we do?” Steve asks.

“Be there for him. That’s all we can do.”

 

* * *

 

The three men come back to the compound a sweaty and heaving mess. The smell of them permeates the air around them and forces a lot of the team to escape elsewhere. Sam goes to make some coffee and food. Steve sits down at one of the barstools. Peter leans against the counter, still trying to catch his breath. These two are machines. How can their stamina be so long?

“I take it that the morning run was a success?” Bucky asks from the couch. He’s watching a show called _Torchwood_. Some British spinoff from _Doctor Who_. How the ex-assassin can bare the smell of them is beyond Peter.

“It went pretty well. Pete managed to keep up with us for the most part. I’m impressed,” Steve playfully punched Peter’s shoulder.

“He lasted way longer than you did on your first go,” Sam smirks.

“Whatever,” Bucky rolls his eyes. “How are you feeling, punk?”

“Exhausted,” Steve answers.

“No. Not you. I’m talking to Punk Jr.,” Bucky corrects. Steve snorts and looks at Peter.

“Feel honored, Pete. You’ve been given Buck’s blessing.”

“I feel repulsed. I can’t stand the smell of sweat anymore,” Peter gags.

“Then go wash up.” Sam tousles Pete’s hair. From the amount of sweat in his hair, Peter’s hair sticks up from Sam’s treatment.

Peter nods and moves towards the elevator but stops. He looks around. Wispy voices are talking over each other. There are whispers coming from all over. Peter can’t figure out where they’re coming from. He can’t make out what they’re even saying.

“Pete, what’s wrong?” Bucky asks and places a hand on the teen’s shoulder. Peter whips around and screams. Bucky looks like he’s one blow away from keeling over. Blood is gushing from his shoulder. His injury looks like a bite mark. A human bite mark. Peter’s face feels wet. He wipes off whatever’s on his mouth and cheeks. It warm. It’s sticky…

He wouldn’t…

“No…” Peter backs away from them. The whispers are getting louder. It’s like millions of fairy wings flapping around him. It’s drowning out everything, including his own thoughts.

“Peter, it’s okay,” Peter blinks and focuses on them. His friends. His family.

“I’m sorry,” Peter apologizes.

“Don’t apologize, kid,” Bucky is at a loss of what to do. His kid is hurting, and he can’t do anything about it.

“I’m sorry. I want to be alone right now!” Peter runs away before they could ask him what’s wrong.

“Peter!” The three shout after him.

Peter escapes upstairs to his room. He strips and gets in the shower that FRIDAY has prepared for him. The teen’s legs can no longer support him. He slides against the tiled wall until his butt hits the floor. Peter hugs his knees to his chest and buries his face in them. He sobs as his reality and mind clashes against each other.

Warm blood is spewing out of the showerhead instead of water. It’s splattered against the walls and glass door. The whispers are more vicious now that there are no distractions from them. Peter can hear the squeaking of rats and the clicking of centipedes. He can feel the latter’s many legs crawling against his feet. Peter hears laughing from Crow. The sound of a saw. The wet sounds of peeling. It wreaks of sweat and blood and bile. Standing over him is himself with that same twisted smile and wild eyes from before. Peter sobs harder.

What’s happening to him?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [ Sorry for the long wait. Lots of personal stuff came up and I started a new job around the same time that college started back up for the semester. I literally have no days off because when I'm not working, I'm at college and when I'm not at college, I'm working. Today I finally have a real day off. Huzzah! But until everything settles and such, my updates are going to be slow. I'm sorry for the inconvenience! <3 ]


	12. Wooden Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter confronts Bucky and the team makes a decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey. Hi. Hello. I’m so sorry for the wait! I never abandoned this fic. Just a lot of stuff kept coming up!
> 
> So this chapter is much shorter than my usuals, but I just really wanted to put something out.
> 
> Please enjoy! ❤️

**Previously**

_Peter nods and moves towards the elevator but stops. He looks around. Wispy voices are talking over each other. There are whispers coming from all over. Peter can’t figure out where they’re coming from. He can’t make out what they’re even saying._

_“Pete, what’s wrong?” Bucky asks and places a hand on the teen’s shoulder. Peter whips around and screams. Bucky looks like he’s one blow away from keeling over. Blood is gushing from his shoulder. His injury looks like a bite mark. A human bite mark. Peter’s face feels wet. He wipes off whatever’s on his mouth and cheeks. It warm. It’s sticky…_

_He wouldn’t…_

_“No…” Peter backs away from them. The whispers are getting louder. It’s like millions of fairy wings flapping around him. It’s drowning out everything, including his own thoughts._

_“Peter, it’s okay,” Peter blinks and focuses on them. His friends. His family._

_“I’m sorry,” Peter apologizes._

_“Don’t apologize, kid,” Bucky is at a loss of what to do. His kid is hurting, and he can’t do anything about it._

_“I’m sorry. I want to be alone right now!” Peter runs away before they could ask him what’s wrong._

_“Peter!” The three shout after him._

_Peter escapes upstairs to his room. He strips and gets in the shower that FRIDAY has prepared for him. The teen’s legs can no longer support him. He slides against the tiled wall until his butt hits the floor. Peter hugs his knees to his chest and buries his face in them. He sobs as his reality and mind clashes against each other._

_Warm blood is spewing out of the showerhead instead of water. It’s splattered against the walls and glass door. The whispers are more vicious now that there are no distractions from them. Peter can hear the squeaking of rats and the clicking of centipedes. He can feel the latter’s many legs crawling against his feet. Peter hears laughing from Crow. The sound of a saw. The wet sounds of peeling. It wreaks of sweat and blood and bile. Standing over him is himself with that same twisted smile and wild eyes from before. Peter sobs harder._

_What’s happening to him?_

 

* * *

 

Thunder rumbles in the city. It sounds like a bowling ball rolling down the alley. It’s a gentler storm than the usual. The thunder doesn’t echo off skyscrapers and rattle the glass and frames of buildings. It’s distant like an oncoming car, and there’s hardly any flashes of lightning descending from the clouds. The drizzling rain bounces off of Peter’s hair and splashes into the small puddles forming around him. He wiggles his toes in the cold water. The aroma of wet pavement soothes Peter. The cool breeze is refreshing. In this moment, he is a bird that can leave whenever he desires.

The teen is standing on top of the compound, watching how life goes on. Cars switching lanes, flocks of birds flapping their wings as they take off, and trees rustling from the wind. He tilts his head up, squinting his eyes, and watches each individual raindrop falling towards him. He wishes that he could be frozen in this moment of time.

Peter is wearing only a T-shirt and sweatpants, both of which are soaked. He couldn’t be bothered with it though. It feels like forever since Peter’s mind has been clear like this. There’s no past. There’s no future. Just this moment. And that’s all Peter wants because he knows. He knows something’s coming. He knows something’s wrong, and he just needs to feel okay before whatever happens, happens.

Peter closes his eyes and lets out a sigh. Bits of his stress and anxiety leave with it. Rain water drips from the point of his nose and chin. His fingers flex and relax against his web-shooters. A few seconds later, his spider sense tingles dully.The droplets stop splashing on his face and body. There’s the tapping sound of water hitting plastic. The teen cracks his eyes open and sees the underside of an umbrella above him.

“You know you’ll get sick standing out here like this. I thought spiders didn’t do well in the cold,” Bucky’s voice says from behind Peter. He’s holding a large umbrella over both of them. Another soft rumble of thunder fills the silence between them. Peter takes an inhale through his nose.

“I guess,” was Peter’s response.

“Come on, bud, let’s get you back inside before Tony kills me for letting you get sick again,” Bucky grabs Peter’s elbow and gives it a tug. Peter doesn’t move from his spot. “Peter?”

“You said “again”,” Peter says quietly. The grip on Peter’s elbow tightens just a fraction, but Peter still notices. “You said it as if this has happened before.”

Peter keeps his back to Bucky. The older Avenger sees how Peter holds himself. It’s the way a person does after seeing hell; after fighting an endless and pointless war. His stance is casual, but Peter’s muscles are taut and ready in case he needs to fight for his life. A natural instinct after what’s happened to Peter. The teen probably isn’t aware that he’s doing it. His body’s been conditioned.

“Well-,”

“I’m not stupid. I’m not that oblivious. I see the way you all look at me. I can differentiate the tones you all used before I woke up in the Med Bay. You treat me as if I’m fragile. You’re expecting me to break, but you aren’t telling me why,” Peter turns around to look at Bucky. “And then there’s you. Who are you really? I’ve been trying to reassure myself that it was nothing, but I can’t ignore it anymore. We know each other. I can feel it, but I can’t remember you. Why not? What happened before I woke up? Why can’t I see May and Ned or just go home? What are you all hiding from me?”

Bucky looks at Peter. He bites his lip.,

“Nothing’s being hidden from-“

Something snaps in Peter, and he can’t take it anymore.

“Stop lying to me!” Bucky’s eyes widen at Peter’s outburst. “I know something happened! I’ve been getting these flashbacks. I thought they were just messed up daydreams, but they’re too real and familiar to be just that. I keep seeing blood on the walls and on my hands. I can remember HIM. And the other night, I saw a bite mark on your shoulder and there was blood in my mouth. It’s like I almost have it, but it’s still so...so muddy. Whatever I forgot slips away every time! And then I want to tell you all about this but those nervous stares keep me silent. You don’t know how frustrating this is!” Peter pants after his rant.

But Bucky does understand. He does get what it’s like to not remember anything. He knows those stares. He still gets them from the others when Hydra is brought up. He wishes Peter never had to learn about them too. He wishes Peter wasn’t able to walk up to a blank canvas and flesh them out with acute accuracy and detail. He wishes Peter couldn’t put the feeling into words. This was the one thing Sam warned them not to do. Not to be too cautious around Peter. To be normal. But they were scared anyways. They became too cautious. Now look what’s happened. The older man pulls Peter into a hug. The umbrella is left forgotten on the cement with a quick splash. It’s accumulating water inside it.

“Please understand that what we do is to protect you,” Bucky whispers.

“That’s just it. I’m not weak. I don’t need to be protected like this,” Peter pushes against Bucky but the man hugs Peter closer.

“It’ll break you. What happened with Crow... Peter, you couldn’t handle it. Your mind blocked it all out,” Bucky tries to explain without giving too much away.

“I have a right to know what happened. Why would I forget about you too?” Peter clutches onto Bucky’s shirt like a life line.

“I can’t tell you that. I wish I could, but I can’t.”

“Can’t or won’t?” Peter hits the nail on the head.

“Trust me, kid. I-,“

“Trust you? How can I trust any of you when you’re like this?” Peter pushes Bucky back. The teen knows he’s not being fair, but he’s hurting and scared. He doesn’t like not knowing himself. The man stumbles and looks at Peter wide-eyed.

“Peter...,”

“No, listen to me. I get you’re all looking out for me, but not knowing what this is is driving me into literal insanity. I can’t live like this anymore. So what gives YOU the right to make me continue to feel like this?” Peter’s breath hitches.

“Now wait just a minute, Peter,” Bucky huffs. Peter can see that this conversation isn’t going anywhere. Neither of them should continue this or else it’ll go into a full fledge argument where things can’t be unsaid and taken back. He doesn’t want that.

“Just leave me alone,” Peter walks to the ledge of the building.

“Peter!” Bucky shouts and runs toward Peter, but he’s too late. The teen leaps off the building and shoots a web. He swings away, still wearing his soaked pajamas and barefoot. “Peter...”

Bucky has never felt more like a failure until this very moment.

 

* * *

 

The team is lounging in the common room. Clint, Sam, Wanda, and Vision are playing Mario Kart. Sam and Clint are the ones actually racing, while Vision struggles with making sharp turns and turning the controller over in his hands in confusion. Wanda just takes them all in with giggles. Steve and Rhodey are having a conversation about how the bees are endangered and wanting Tony to work on something to fix the crisis. Tony is of course in his workshop. Natasha and Bruce are on the couch, reading their own book. Brice has a cup of warm tea in his hands, taking a sip after every page he turns. It’s on stormy days like this that the group stays inside.

There’s a ‘ding’ from the elevator, and Bucky charges inside the room. His shoes squeak on the floor. Water drips off of his clothes and hair.

“He knows,” Bucky says, making a beeline to Sam. The said man puts the game on pause and stands up from the ground. Clint whines at having the game postponed, and Natasha reaches over and smacks the back of his head.

“Who and what?” Sam asks.

“Peter. He’s figured out that we’ve been hiding things from him. We haven’t been doing a good job being subtle about it,” Bucky paces the room as he recounts what happen on the roof.

“So, let’s just tell him?” Clint suggests.

“You weren’t there. The way Peter was when we found him. The look in his eyes. He...,” Wanda stopped talking and looked away. Vision places a hand on her shoulder.

“He hurt someone he looks up to as a father,” Rhodey gestures to Bucky. “He killed people. Regardless of it being him or them. It went against the kid’s code. You can’t come back from that.”

“But he’s going to remember it eventually. He said he’s been seeing things from that time. He’s dreaming about it. The kid’s scared and feels like he can’t trust us anymore. Is it worth it keeping it from him?” Bucky asks. “If these memories of his are just distorted and not entirely gone, then it’s a ticking time bomb. He could remember it all any second.”

“Barnes, it’s not that simple,” Sam shakes his head.

“Yes it is. I may not know much about how to treat people and their mental health, but I DO know that my kid is out there in the rain, terrified and confused and feeling like he has no one to turn to. He needs me. He needs us. We’re his family.”

“Peter can’t be out in weather like this without wearing proper clothes and shoes. We need to find him,” Bruce speaks up.

Sam pinches the bridge of his nose and lets out a sigh. This is why he told them to not be so obvious about this. The kid isn’t stupid, and people Peter’s age pick up on emotions and situations easier because they’re sensitive to it. Sam wanted to slowly ease Peter’s real memories back. It can’t be helped now.

“Fine. You’re right. We’ll tell him but after we get him back here and get him warm and dry,” Sam walks over to the coat rack by the elevator and grabs his jacket.

“Right, let’s go,” Bucky says.

“FRIDAY, notify Tony about what’s going on,” Rhodey also gets up along with Steve.

“Right away,” FRIDAY announces.

“If Peter is having hallucinations, be extra careful. We don’t know how frequent they are or how vivid,” Bruce zips up his jacket.

“He’s not attacking the city,” Bucky narrows his eyes at the team.

“If he’s already remembered by the time we get there, we have no idea what his mental state will be like. We need to approach this rationally,” Sam further explains.

“We’re just being cautious, Buck,” Steve offers a reassuring smile. “We aren’t going to hurt him.”

“No, but I’m worried he might himself.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come say hi to me on Tumblr!
> 
> @BrandNewWings


	13. Drifting and Dreaming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter’s mind is deteriorating but meets and is rescued by a new character. However, a grave mistake is made.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *SLAMS DOOR OPEN* I KNOW I’M LATE BUT HERE!
> 
> Summer is finally here! 
> 
> Come say hi on Tumblr!
> 
> @BrandNewWings

**Previously**

 

_“He hurt someone he looks up to as a father,” Rhodey gestures to Bucky. “He killed people. Regardless of it being him or them. It went against the kid’s code. You can’t come back from that.”_

_“But he’s going to remember it eventually. He said he’s been seeing things from that time. He’s dreaming about it. The kid’s scared and feels like he can’t trust us anymore. Is it worth it keeping it from him?” Bucky asks. “If these memories of his are just distorted and not entirely gone, then it’s a ticking time bomb. He could remember it all any second.”_

_“Barnes, it’s not that simple,” Sam shakes his head._

_“Yes it is. I may not know much about how to treat people and their mental health, but I DO know that my kid is out there in the rain, terrified and confused and feeling like he has no one to turn to. He needs me. He needs us. We’re his family.”_

_“Peter can’t be out in weather like this without wearing proper clothes and shoes. We need to find him,” Bruce speaks up._

_Sam pinches the bridge of his nose and lets out a sigh. This is why he told them to not be so obvious about this. The kid isn’t stupid, and people Peter’s age pick up on emotions and situations easier because they’re sensitive to it. Sam wanted to slowly ease Peter’s real memories back. It can’t be helped now._

_“Fine. You’re right. We’ll tell him but after we get him back here and get him warm and dry,” Sam walks over to the coat rack by the elevator and grabs his jacket._

_“Right, let’s go,” Bucky says._

_“FRIDAY, notify Tony about what’s going on,” Rhodey also gets up along with Steve._

_“Right away,” FRIDAY announces._

_“If Peter is having hallucinations, be extra careful. We don’t know how frequent they are or how vivid,” Bruce zips up his jacket._

_“He’s not attacking the city,” Bucky narrows his eyes at the team._

_“If he’s already remembered by the time we get there, we have no idea what his mental state will be like. We need to approach this rationally,” Sam further explains._

_“We’re just being cautious, Buck,” Steve offers a reassuring smile. “We aren’t going to hurt him.”_

_“No, but I’m worried he might himself.”_

 

* * *

Images flash and loud noises skip around as Peter flashes in and out of reality. He hears various pitches of screams from himself merging into a choir. The tips of blades and fingers cut in and out of his line of sight. The smells make him gag.

Then it feels like everything’s stopped and never happened. But then the teen blinks and it starts all over again.

Peter sees blood strewn across walls that are already stained a pink from previous blood. Each time reality glitches away, a hand with some utensil is coming toward his face. Peter hears more screaming every time he’s taken back to that hell. It’s high pitched and shrill. A masked man stands before him but the warping of reality and fantasy is happening too sporadically that Peter can’t get a good look at him or anything else for that matter.

Fantasy? Is that what this truly is? What if that fantasy is the reality and this other realm is the true fantasy? He doesn’t know what’s happening to him. He wants his white wolf. Why didn’t he get it before he left? It’s the only thing that’s calmed him since he woke up in that hospital bed.

“Dad...,” Peter absentmindedly calls out.

There’s whispering of periodic elements and laughter from who sounds like Bucky. That old “Mr. Sandman” song is echoing and distorted into a slow motion tune, becoming demonic and deep in pitch.

“Dad!” Peter cries this time. He’s not sure why ‘dad’ in particular. It just seemed right.

A hand grabs Peter’s right shoulder from behind, and the teen is snapped back to the present. The warmth grounds him. He’s in an alley. Peter jerks around and away from the hand. A stranger. The man has on baggy, light grey sweatpants and a matching hoodie with a college abbreviation on the front in big, bright text. His skin is deep brown with short hair. His carved beard is sculpted clean to highlight his sharp jaw line.

“Woah. Chill man, you good?” The man has his hands up in surrender.

“What do you want?” Peter pants. The stranger looks Peter up and down, taking in his disheveled and drenched appearance as well as many other things.

“You looked like you were on some heavy trip. Thought I could at least get you somewhere safer than out here,” The man’s hands were still up. “No offense, but you look like you wouldn’t make it behind bars, kid.”

“A heavy trip?” Peter narrows his eyes. The stranger gives a small half grin.

“I’ve been on a few myself. They’ll fuck you up.”

It’s then that Peter realizes what the man is talking about.

“Oh! No! No! I’m not on anything like that! I was just lost in my own thoughts!” Peter quickly explains. The man makes a face, not believing that.

“Listen, the way you were behaving, I’d be more reassured and comfortable knowing drugs made you that way,” the man admits.

“Yeah. Me too,” Peter ducks his head.

There’s a pregnant pause between the two.

“You have a place to go?” The man asks. Peter lifts his head up to look at the man.

“What?”

“Do you have a place to go to? It’s storming and, no offense again, you look like a drowned rat,” the stranger eyes Peter.

“I...,” Peter thinks about Bucky and the team. He doesn’t want to go back just yet. “It’s complicated.”

“I can respect that,” the man nods and tilts his head towards the fire escape ten feet away. “If you want, you can wait out the storm at my place.”

“I couldn’t possibly,” Peter shakes his head.

“Your call. I’m just working on an assignment I left till last minute,” the man shrugs and heads towards the fire escape. He leaps enough to grab onto the broken ladder and begins his short climb to the platform.

“An assignment? Where do you go?” Peter asks.

“SVA,” he answers.

Peter raises his eyebrows.

“You’re an art student then?” Peter decides to follow after the man. He doesn’t see the harm in it.

“BFA in computer art, animation, and visual effects as well as one in Animation,” he answers back. The man gets on the platform and turns around. He lowers a hand to Peter. The teen arches a brow. “This fire escape is stupid. Some guys broke the ladder and it’s never been fixed. If there’s a fire, we’re both screwed.”

Peter snorts and jumps to grab the man’s hand. He could’ve easily climbed up there himself but appearances.

“Promise?” Peter grins cheeky.

“I swear it,” The man pulls Peter up. “The name’s Abel Suggs.”

“Peter Parker,” Peter gets to the platform and follows Abel up several flights of steps to the college student’s flat.

Abel stops at an open window and crawls through. Peter follows behind. The teen looks around and can see that this is where a college kid dwells. There are coffee mugs everywhere. Joining them are water bottles, some of which are half empty, others are empty, and a few look like only three or four sips have been taken from them before being replaced by others. School supplies and textbooks are out and taking up all available surfaces. Since Abel is an art student, paint, ink, and lead smudges decorate the couch, rugs, and tables. The less joyful parts of college also showed in forms of empty alcohol bottles and Adderall. A laptop is open and streaming some show on Netflix. Abel was probably using it as background noise while he worked.

Peter’s eyes look at the large canvas in the center of the room.

“The assignment is to paint abstract emotion,” Abel answers Peter’s unsaid curiosity.

“Abstract emotion?” Peter cocks his head.

“Yeah. I’m supposed to go out and find a living subject and paint their emotions,” Abel brushes his fingers against the canvas. “But it cant be just a woman crying or a baby laughing. Emotions aren’t that concrete and clean cut sometimes. They are different for each person. So for that woman crying, her reflection is distorted with thick, harsh brush strokes with different colors until her face isn’t a face and the colors look dirty and muddled. Because she doesn’t recognize herself when she’s feeling so depressed.”

“Wow,” Peter is speechless. “Wait, I thought you were doing computer art and animation though?”

“I still have to take studio art classes. I have to do a bit of everything. That’s how they do it at college, little man. They also have you believe you need a three hundred dollar textbook just so you won’t actually use it all semester. Then for some goddamn reason, they won’t buy it back from you at the end of the semester. Don’t get the textbooks until you know for sure you’ll be needing them. I don’t care if it’s two weeks into the semester, you wait. Also, buy them on Amazon. Much cheaper. Also, I can give you a site where they’ll buy your books from you!”

“Dually noted,” Peter nods with a chuckle and looks around for a place to sit. There’s a puddle where he’s standing.

“Right!” Abel runs to where Peter assumes is Abel’s room. He comes back with clothes. “Try these on. They’re definitely too big for you but not so much that they’ll slide off.”

“I really appreciate this,” Peter takes the clothes, worrying his bottom lip. “I just needed some time away from my...life.”

“I won’t pry, but I hope whatever happened to make you get to that point fixes itself out,” Abel sits on his tan wooden stool in front of the canvas. He stares at it and sighs. “I was going to paint today, but the storm really messed up my schedule. Another college tip, don’t procrastinate.”

“It has to be people?” Peter asks.

“Yeah. I hoped that I could just google an image of a person screaming or something and work with that, but it’s hard to capture that raw emotion from a still image sometimes.”

“You could use me if you want?” Peter points at himself.

“I thought about it while you were tripping, honestly. But I figured it’d be rude,” Abel chuckles with a smirk.

“I wasn’t tripping like that!” Peter huffs, puffing his cheeks.

“Yeah yeah,” Abel waves the teen off like he couldn’t be bothered with excuses. Peter rolls his eyes. This scene is oddly domestic like brothers spatting. “But if you don’t care about being my model, that’d be superb.”

“Of course not. It’s the least I could do,” Peter goes to the bathroom and changes. He’s in the middle of peeling off his shirt when his hands rub against something on his arms. They’re firm yet moldable. They click. The teen freezes, heart skipping beats, and face turning pale. His web shooters. He completely forgot about his web shooters!

Peter swallows the large lump in his throat and continued getting dressed. He can’t help but notice how Abel gave Peter a long sleeved sweatshirt to wear. Maybe he didn’t notice or think about what was on Peter’s forearms? Of course he did, Parker! How could he miss them?

Well... He might as well get this over with.

The teen exits the bathroom timidly. He’s quiet for a few minutes and doesn’t leave the bathroom doorway. Abel’s back is to Peter as he squeezes out different colors of paint onto his plate looking thing.

As if sensing Peter’s thoughts and anxieties, Abel sighs and responds to the stark silence.

“I won’t say anything about it, if that’s what you’re thinking. I’m surprised that the guardian of Queens is a high school kid though,” Abel closes the cap to his paint and sets the object down. He picks up another bottle

“Yeah, well...,” Peter isn’t sure if he should run or stay.

“Come on. I need to finish my assignment,” Abel encourages and nods his head to the couch. Peter hesitates, and Abel rubs his forehead. “Okay, house rules, Pinocchio-,”

“Pinocchio?”

“- No talk of your alter ego. No exposing you either, obviously. You’re a teen. I’m a college student. You’re omega. I’m alpha. If you don’t care for that, you can leave. Now sit your ass down so I can be done with this.”

Peter sighs and takes his seat on the couch. The teen looks exhausted. He looks battle worn. The bags and circles under his eyes are deep and dark. His complexion is pale. Peter’s eyes are tinged with red and swollen from fatigue. Abel knows exactly how he wants to paint this. He dabs his brush into a faded peachy color and begins.

“So why did you decide on computer art and effects?” Peter asks, breaking the awkward silence despite Abel resuming his Netflix show.

“Aside from my obvious love of art, which another college tip, if you’re gonna go into debt for college, make sure it’s for something you love and want to do. Otherwise, what’s the point? Might as well get something out of it,” Abel provided more college wisdom before going back to his original answer. “But I want to make something that my baby sis can be proud of. I want to make a game in her honor, or maybe create an animation that’ll play before a Disney movie. I want something that’ll show her that she can do anything, that she can be anything, and that she is everything.”

“That’s so...,” Peter is at a loss of words. Abel is a very good person.

“Don’t get me wrong, little man. If Corvina were to show up right now on my doorstep, telling me she had no where to go, I’d say, “sucks” and would close the door in her face,” Abel laughs.

“Why?” Peter asks alarmed.

“You must not have siblings. That’s how it be sometimes,” Abel cackles louder and tells Peter about stories of him and his sister growing up. Abel is twenty-four and Corvina is two years older than Peter. She’s interested in the same fields as Peter is and wants to attend MIT. “Trust me, you two would get along. You’re both nerds.”

“And you aren’t?” Peter challenges.

“Hey, I can’t help it that I’m on the spectrum of nerd that people like,” Abel beats the bristles of his paint brush against the stand before using a different color.

Peter chuckles and lets his mind wander. He should’ve went to see Ned. No, he should’ve went to May, but that’s the first place they’ll look for Peter, and Peter isn’t ready to face them yet. But Peter might be a danger to Abel. His flippant mental state is unhinged and unpredictable. At the first sign of instability, Peter will dip.

“There's Hydrogen and Helium. Then Lithium, Beryllium, Boron, Carbon everywhere. Nitrogen all through the air,” Peter mumbles absentmindedly as he sinks further into his thoughts. If Abel heard him, he didn’t show it. Instead, the older man turned up whatever is streaming on his laptop.

It’s Steven Universe.

Peter thinks about his time so far with the Avengers. He has distant and vague memories of Bucky returning but his face is always blacked out and like every dream, he’s about to get the answers and wakes up. The suppressed memories start glitching in and Peter’s breathing picks up. He lists more periodic elements until he calms down. When he comes to, the living room is dark with a lamp or two on. Abel is sitting on the couch, painting and stool placed out of the way. The student is watching Steven Universe.

Peter jolts up and trips over a few text books. Peter collapses back and hits his head on the corner of the coffee table. Abel rushes to Peter’s side.

“Shit! You okay!? That was a nasty fall,” Abel inspects Peter’s head for any injuries.

“I’m fine. I’m fine. You should already know I have healing powers,” Peter reassures.

“Listen, I don’t want Tony-legendary-Stark to sue me into a coffin, I won’t be able to afford, six feet under,” Abel playfully punches Peter’s shoulder.

“Please. As if there’d be anything left to put in a coffin,” Peter rolls his eyes. The two look at each other and breakout into laughter.

“But for real, humor me and let me check you over. Corvina gets banged up all the time, so this is a common routine for me,” Abel sifts through Peter’s hair, finding any cuts and feeling for bumps.

“She gets banged up? Why?” Peter asks. Abel grows silent. “Abel?”

“Listen, Peter, we may live in the same world and in the same city, but that doesn’t mean we _live_ the same,” Abel says.

“What do you mean?” Peter winces when Abel presses on a tender spot.

“It’s nothing. You seem okay. I’ll get some ice to put on the bump. Finally, let’s do one more test.” Peter groans. “Hush and just tell me how many fingers I’m holding up.”

Abel holds up three fingers. He’s still smiling a playful smile, completely unaware that those six words wipe Peter’s mind blank. He doesn’t see the way Peter’s eyes gloss over nor the way the teen’s body tenses up.

Abel does not know that he just unlocked a door that should’ve stayed locked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the lack of action. This chapter was actually supposed to go a lot differently, but Abel decided to take on a life of his own and write his own story line. Oh well. It be like that sometimes.
> 
> I don’t see this story going on for much longer to be honest. The story is about to wrap up. 
> 
> Thank you all for being patient and staying with this story! It truly means a lot to me! ❤️


End file.
